THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 4 - I've been at the office most of the day, although I took a break to take my housemate into work, and go to the Democratic caucus. I ate way too much at lunch, but that's tax season stress emotional eating, not missing the ex emotional eating. I talked to my housemate on the way to taking him to work. I said "I guess today is setup day at her new house" and he says "Unless she got sick." We laughed, as my ex tends to get so stressed that she makes herself sick a lot. We weren't laughing at her being sick, just at how this is a pattern of hers...and again, one that slimeball gets to deal with now, not me. Then I said "I wonder who is cleaning up the packing mess?" He says "Not the ex!" and we chuckled again. He wonders how its going to go the first time that slimeball starts barking orders at her (my prediction...not well). I also told him that if she tries running to me about her problems, I'm saying "Nope...I'm not letting you do to him what you did to me. You resolve your stuff with him and then we can talk." My housemate suggested that I amend that to "You resolve your stuff with him and then get some help for yourself and then we can talk." I clarified that I was talking about "we can talk" meaning "we can start talking about what we should do next" and not as "we can talk about restarting the relationship."

 

Obviously I was hanging out here, too, today...there's only so many minutes I can look at tax returns these days without screaming...although ironically this is probably my most productive day in a long time. Tonight, I'll stay here until 8 or so, then go home and watch the tube for a few hours, then crash...so I can come back to the office tomorrow.

 

No real sadness today, just some last night when I said goodnight to her and told her that I was thinking about her and that I was going to keep working on myself. I believe we're all connected at some level, so maybe at some level she got some comfort from that, even though she's 1,200 miles away.

 

Tomorrow...I'm going to take my puppy to the dog park, then more work...its crunch time!

[bronte]

Day #25 Part II...Since I was down earlier I thought I should check in again to say that the day did get better! I ended up spending the evening at a guy's house curled up on his couch watching TV with him. We watched a few episodes of one of my favorite shows and then a few of one of his. It was a very, very casual evening but it still got me out of my apartment and reminded me that life goes on...My ex was not the first guy to be interested in me and he will not be the last!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

hi Bronte, I read your earlier post and really felt for you. Its funny how the little things like standing in front of a freezer cabinet where you were last stood with them can bring memories flooding back and put a downer on the day. I think this happens a lot,well it does to me.

 

Seeing your new message gives me hope for moving on too, so thanks for that, and Im glad your day ended on a high ... go girl!

[Brokenhearted87]

Well it's the third day of NC on my side. He hasn't been in touch. It's his birthday today.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Well it's the third day of NC on my side. He hasn't been in touch. It's his birthday today.

 

I know how your feeling, its my ex's birthday today too. I havent sent a card as whats the point? and Im not expecting contact from him.

 

I also realised its exactly one month today for NC, (besides a coincidental siting at Easter which doesnt count) and for the most part Im doing ok.

 

Reading other forum posts it seems we all seem to have days where were feeling great and doing fine, then days when we feel lousy and cant get the ex out of our head and everything seems to remind us of them.

 

The only thing I can say for sure of NC, is that it DOES start to delete them from your head and you dont think about them as often which allows you to function instead of wallowing in self pity which is where you are at the start in the first few days.

 

Im so grateful I found this forum because to be honest, its whats kept me going at times.

 

thanks everyone, Hope x

[Brokenhearted87]

Well it's Sunday afternoon. Last contact Thursday afternoon. So 3 full days now. Never thought I'd manage one day! Hope I saw your post to me on the other thread, thanks! I'm going to do my very best not to get in touch today.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Hi broken,

dont do it! Let him miss you!

 

its his birthday, so he will feel special and I honestly think you will be on his mind because of previous birthdays spent with you.

[Brokenhearted87]

Sob....this would actually have only been his first one with me haha. Oh well. Yeah, the only thing getting me through today without texting him is the thought that he will be very aware of my absense today and I like to think missing me. Though I'm probably fooling myself! I know I'll feel better if I go to bed having NOT contacted him and LET him feel my NC on his bday, rather than contact him and get a formal "thanks" back.

[bronte]

hi Bronte, I read your earlier post and really felt for you. Its funny how the little things like standing in front of a freezer cabinet where you were last stood with them can bring memories flooding back and put a downer on the day. I think this happens a lot,well it does to me.

 

Seeing your new message gives me hope for moving on too, so thanks for that, and Im glad your day ended on a high ... go girl!

 

Aww, thank you! It's so nice to have a place like this where people can relate to what I'm going through, I was about to really start crying at the grocery store but I didn't feel I could say anything to the person I was with without it sounding incredibly pathetic..."I used to buy pizza...with him!" So I just stood there, trying to keep up a cheerful conversation about pizza options while feeling absolutely miserable.

 

it seems we all seem to have days where were feeling great and doing fine, then days when we feel lousy and cant get the ex out of our head and everything seems to remind us of them.

 

The only thing I can say for sure of NC, is that it DOES start to delete them from your head and you dont think about them as often which allows you to function instead of wallowing in self pity which is where you are at the start in the first few days.

 

This is so true. Just this week I had the day where I didn't think about him all morning (yay!), almost immediately followed by two days that were really rough. It's easy on those rough days to think, "NC isn't helping at all! I'll never get over him!" But it is working, because those rough days are getting fewer and farther between. Thank goodness for that!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

so true bronte, the rough days get less and less, and thats what's keeping me going at the moment, just knowing that.

 

Also, a dawning realisation that I WILL move on, even though right now the thought of another man does nothing for me. I just sort of KNOW that there IS someone out there for me if my ex never comes back.

 

Its a new sense of hope that I am convinced has come out of total NC, and the support of reading the experiences of other posters on the forum.

 

Even in the depths of despair when iv been crying for an hour, I can come on here and find a story that lifts my spirits and changes my day.

 

for that I thank you and everyone on ENA, Hope x

[pumpkinmoon]

so true bronte, the rough days get less and less, and thats what's keeping me going at the moment, just knowing that.

 

Also, a dawning realisation that I WILL move on, even though right now the thought of another man does nothing for me. I just sort of KNOW that there IS someone out there for me if my ex never comes back.

 

Its a new sense of hope that I am convinced has come out of total NC, and the support of reading the experiences of other posters on the forum.

 

Even in the depths of despair when iv been crying for an hour, I can come on here and find a story that lifts my spirits and changes my day.

 

for that I thank you and everyone on ENA, Hope x

 

I feel like this too. And I think its very true

[theredrocket]

Made it to day 3. I went to visit some friends and go to a party and ended up staying until this morning. I met a girl who was really hot and interested in me. It felt good to see myself attracting her and we had a good time friday night. By saturday I was realized that while she was incredibly hot and exciting she would also be lots of drama and require a lot of energy. I just don't want that, and it only made me appreciate and want my ex more. But for one night it was fun.

 

and hey I'm almost half to my beginning goal! nothing from her side either

[Mustang]

Day 11

 

Feel down today.

 

It's a stupid reason but some of my ex girlfriend's friends are now friends with the guy that I think my ex dumped me for.

 

It makes me feel really * * * * that I can just be replaced like that. OK, I thought maybe my ex was being harsh but the fact that her friends no longer speak to me and they are making new friends with my ex girlfriend's uni friends makes me feel a bit like I'm being left behind without a care in the world.

[Sickboy48]

4 and a half months....it's a cake walk now, lol.

[pumpkinmoon]

Day 11

 

Feel down today.

 

It's a stupid reason but some of my ex girlfriend's friends are now friends with the guy that I think my ex dumped me for.

 

It makes me feel really * * * * that I can just be replaced like that. OK, I thought maybe my ex was being harsh but the fact that her friends no longer speak to me and they are making new friends with my ex girlfriend's uni friends makes me feel a bit like I'm being left behind without a care in the world.

 

I know how you feel, like you're being pushed out of the picture completely and it makes u think that you didn't mean anything anyway. It's crap.

[Mustang]

I know how you feel, like you're being pushed out of the picture completely and it makes u think that you didn't mean anything anyway. It's crap.

 

Indeed.

 

It just makes me feel like I was only her boyfriend because it suited her.

 

What's even worse is that I am finding it impossible to move on because I don't feel like I'll be able to trust anybody or feel confident in myself for a long time yet.

 

Which is very frustrating when my ex doesn't have a care in the world. Here I sit on here all the time trying to work everything out and my ex is no doubt having the time of her life.

 

I feel like I've wasted the last two years of my life.

[pumpkinmoon]

Indeed.

 

It just makes me feel like I was only her boyfriend because it suited her.

 

What's even worse is that I am finding it impossible to move on because I don't feel like I'll be able to trust anybody or feel confident in myself for a long time yet.

 

Which is very frustrating when my ex doesn't have a care in the world. Here I sit on here all the time trying to work everything out and my ex is no doubt having the time of her life.

 

I feel like I've wasted the last two years of my life.

 

 

Me too. I feel like when he had finally decided he had got enough of me he just got rid of me for his own selfish reasons, to make his life better when he has left mine in such a mess and I hate him for that.

 

I feel like I have had my time wasted too, I could have met someone I would have been really happy with in the time I wasted with him and i wouldnt be sat here all day every day feeling like crap all the time. Also hate him for that too lol

 

We really don't know how they are feeling or whether they're having a good time without us. It will drive us mental.

 

I do think though that things aren't alwways what they seem. Because we are so hurt, I think we naturally tend to make things out to be worse than they are when in reality their lives are just exactly the same as they were when they were with us.

[Litgirl01]

ONE MONTH NC. Um.....feels great???

[Mustang]

I do think though that things aren't alwways what they seem. Because we are so hurt, I think we naturally tend to make things out to be worse than they are when in reality their lives are just exactly the same as they were when they were with us.

 

I do agree. I tend to make things worse in my head. It's easier to do that and it is sometimes so hard to imagine them unhappy. They broke up with us. Why would they ever think/worry/care about us?

 

That said, my ex doesn't know that I'm on here every day. She doesn't know I'm upset. My last email to her was reasonably positive. I could be out having a great time for all she knows and not thinking about her. Or my ex could be worried that I hate her seeing that I didn't respond to her last email.

 

But you know how it is... when you break up with someone, you're happy to be rid of them. You're free. Anybody you meet (rebound or not) is going to be new and interesting. We all know how exciting the first few months of a new relationship are. That is what kills me more than anything. To think that my ex is potentially becoming closer and closer to somebody new as each day goes by.

[EyesOnThePrize]

ONE MONTH NC. Um.....feels great???

 

Do you believe you're more empowered than you were a month ago?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Sad today

[EyesOnThePrize]

And as she gets closer, she will begin to see his flaws (like, why he was willing to jump into a relationship with someone before she split with her ex or right afterwards, at the very least) and will begin comparing him to you. And since she likely has ignored his "bad sides" for the quick fix, I think its likely that he won't compare favorably in the long run (although, that doesn't mean she'll want you back) and then he'll be history, too. I think there are people here who are in denial that these other relationships are happening and real. They are, and we can pretend that they aren't or we can accept them for what they are and deal with ourselves and "what comes next."

 

As always, that's just my opinion. That and $4.99 (plus tax) just got me a chicken strips lunch at DQ. And man, am I regretting that choice.

[Litgirl01]

Sad today

 

Sunday's are bad for me in general!! ((((Stella)))) Be strong...remember that you are an AWESOME woman!! ;-)

[Litgirl01]

Do you believe you're more empowered than you were a month ago?

 

I feel less pain! Weekends get me down for some reason.

[pumpkinmoon]

 

But you know how it is... when you break up with someone, you're happy to be rid of them. You're free. Anybody you meet (rebound or not) is going to be new and interesting. We all know how exciting the first few months of a new relationship are. That is what kills me more than anything. To think that my ex is potentially becoming closer and closer to somebody new as each day goes by.

 

Yeah but those first few months don't last forever