THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[GetMeBack]

Ok well today is day 7 NC phase two for me..

 

This afternoon I cried and cried and cried...sigh oh when will this all end...

 

I feel so lonely. I have no family to turn too for support and have no true friends to comfort me..

 

I really could do with someone showing me some love.....any love..will do..

 

Feel so neglected..

 

GetMeBack

[Volkslad]

His loss..you were probably too awesome and he couldn't handle it!

 

It will get better, it always does.

[GetMeBack]

Thank you volkslad ...I feel so low I just feel like I want to go to bed and sleep for 10 years....

 

Can someone tell me what meh? stands for..I see it a lot on forums and have no idea what it stands for..

 

GetMeBack

[Volkslad]

Meh, or m'eh..is a feeling of ambivalence..not really caring one way or the other. At least that's how I use it.

[GetMeBack]

right ok...thanks for clearing that one up..hehe xx

[SweetSmilingYeti]

my friend "warned" me about not getting into any relationship soon. I knew this already but it just hurt having to hear it from somebody else. She knows that if I do go into one it would be out of total rebound and she doesn't want to see me transfer all the feelings for my ex to the new guy. To be honest, I don't feel like I could ever like a guy anymore. I know I will but when I feel what my ex did to me it just makes me want to recoil and never come out again. I mean he basically cheated, lied and persuaded himself through the whole entire relationship and what is worse is that he doesn't have the decency to just leave me be? He not only trampled with me during the relationship but afterwards as well. How can somebody do that? Somebody who claimed to "love you"? I mean heck, if he has a little respect for what we had then he wouldn't be doing or saying half the things he is.

 

Anyways, after the convo with my friend I basically just laid in bed and cried a little until I fell asleep until about 9:30. I know I can't and won't say anything to him ever again but it is just beyond my comprehension that he could do that to me. It is almost like I wish I could talk to him to just confirm it. I won't, don't worry.

 

This whole break up/getting over part just feels like a big race with him. Like who can act happier than the other? Too bad he isn't acting. He is getting everything he wanted and I feel so left behind. If anybody deserves to be happy it should be ME. I don't care if it is immature but how come the dumpers have to suffer more? How is that fair? Then we develop some screwy conception of relationships and are messed up for life. Thanks to who? Some stupid immature douche bag who used me and my feelings to get what he wanted out of me! I can't believe it! I feel like I'm in a dream. I was such a doormat. even after we broke up I told him I would do anything for him. Ugh. I need to let this go. I really do. I just don't know how.

[Irish Jax]

Day 29!

 

Well tomorrow is day 30. I will be done with no contact tomorrow. I plan on calling him some time this week, just to get the things off of my chest that I have been holding in for four weeks. Did not do it four weeks ago because emotions were still running high at that moment. However, now I am ready to say what I need to say, not looking for any reaction from him nor want anything from him. This will be completely for me so that I can relieve myself. As I have said, I have heard through a mutual friend that he has been discussing with his friends about which one of use should break the contact since we last talked ( he was the one who asked me to give him space) He also thinks I may have moved on from him already. Amazing to hear this because I have been thinking the same thing about him.

 

He also told his friend that he doesnt want a relationship right now with anyone, but when he does I am his first choice.

 

 

Thats nice and all but the more time passes, the more I really dont care if I am his first choice. The boy should be acting now and not when hes ready. Selfish motive on his part. I will not be going back to him and I am going to make that my next thirty days of NC after I speak with him next. To move on. These first thirty days were to heal, the next will be to move on.

[charm attack]

So this is my first time posting here but I've been lurking around the forums for quite some time. But I'm just about to end Spring Break, which I had decided to be my "mental health week" and it finally inspired me to join in.

 

My ex broke up with me way back in January and I never went through any formal NC, although after he broke up with me I obviously pulled away to grieve. I never really begged or pleaded though I do regret one or two things I said a few days later when I sat down to talk with him. Otherwise, I was pretty strong, if I do say so myself. At least on the outside.

 

But I'm a wreck on the inside, at least some days. Other days I'm stronger and I'm slowly realizing those are the days I don't see him. We live in the same dorm, on the some floor, and often run into each other. He's wanted to remain friends and seems keen on keeping some connection between us but I'm not sure I can do it anymore. I can't be his friend, it's not what I want and that's not fair to me.

 

It's been 11 days NC, though that's only because of Spring Break. I go back tomorrow night and I have no idea what's going to happen but I hope I can maintain my distance. For my sake. Not to get him back but because I want him to stop haunting me. I think about him all the time. He's there when I wake up and he's there when I fall asleep and yet, he's not there at all. It's breaking me.

 

So, here I am, finally ready to take this challenge. It's been over two months since we broke up, with mostly LC and it's not working. Not for me. It's time to get me back. So here's day 11, hoping I can make it to 12.

[demonic-cookie]

Day 7:

 

Had the best day with my good friends just hanging out downtown and going to fun places (auctions, petting zoos, hippie restaurants). It made me feel like I have a support net when things go bad. Another esteem booster was their thoughts on the ex's new girl. They don't bother remembering her name and hate her on principle because the ex just hangs out with her and no one else. Things were never like that with me, since we were all such close friends. At least I always have my friends. That's a comforting thought.

[SweetSmilingYeti]

okay I have a question. Have you ever broke up with an ex that goes to your same school? Can you guys tell me how you were able to move on with him there ALL the time? I know it is doable but today it seems so impossible. I don't know what has gotten into me.

[GizMo567]

Yeti - I had to go through that in high school when my ex left me for my best friend (Go figure!) I tried to avoid as much contact as possible and when they did try to talk to me, i completely ignored them and there friends. It was hard as hell seeing as she was my first real love and it extremely hurt but i had to let her go and do it. I didn't know that was what NC was at the time but it did make me feel a little better.

 

I am going insane. I think i just took 2 gigantic steps back seeing as i ran into my ex's friends (Woooo! Add to my misery!) and on top of that, they stopped me and tried to talk. I stopped and said hi and then walked toward my car. I was being laughed at while i was walking away which is not a good sign seeing as though i heard my name and something else. I think they know that we aren't together and she is with there friend. I don't know if it came out about us but i think it did. I know i shouldn't let this affect me but it did in a really really hurtful way.

[littlej]

I am having the hardest time with this. I wanted to call yesterday just to chat about my day. I called other people and it just wasn't the same. She is with someone else now and she feels none of the pain I do. Sometimes I feel like that is not fair. The person who does nothing wrong a perfect gentleman is the one who feels the pain. (She left me to go back to her ex)

[bronte]

Well, I broke NC yesterday to tell him I talked to the employer and it seemed to go well...I just kept thinking about how I would feel if I had listed him as a reference for my dream job and then we had a huge fight right before the employer called him. I also wanted to let him know that it was *far* from just verifying his address--since he had repeatedly assured me that was all it was when he asked to list me.

 

I just sent him an e-mail and started it with "breaking my silence just long enough to say..." I honestly hadn't intended to have a prolonged conversation about it, but he wrote back this morning thanking me and asking if I could give him any details about the interview. Not responding or responding with "No! I'm not talking to you!" seems childish...I have to think.

 

At any rate, I will restart the NC clock after this...and hopefully no more weird situations like this will crop up!

 

I did send him an e-mail rather than going through Facebook (as is our custom) so I could at least continue to say that I haven't looked at his Facebook or MySpace profile in 11 days...Maybe I can have two counts going?

[tatanya4me]

I don't think NC has to be taken so literally like that of the above. Sometimes events warrant that NC will be broken.

[bronte]

Oh, I'm not beating myself up over it or seeing it as a personal failure...I think the events did warrant breaking NC, and it wasn't a momentary weakness or something I did just for the sake of being in contact with him.

 

But I also need to take NC really seriously to avoid being hurt again, since the ex expects our friendship to resume as normal at some point in mid-April. So I am restarting my count...Tomorrow, I guess, since it looks like we will be e-mailing today.

[Irish Jax]

Day 30!!!!!!

 

I have completed the challenge. Now i count the next thirty days as my effort to move on.

[Mock Chop]

What's with today? I've not had any contact with ex for a couple of days. I'm feeling quite down, for a variety of reasons. Then friend 1 pings me on MSN - she's married, but has been having an affair with a man going through a very messy divorce. She fell for him badly, he ended it the other day. I talk to her a while, trying to console her but all of it making me feel even worse and miss the ex badly (I know, I'm a rubbish friend). I manage to get out of the conversation politely, then friend 2 sends me a message saying that her FWB has confessed he's seeing someone else - she had hoped keeping him as FWB would make him see the error of his ways.

 

I might be being horribly selfish, but ffs, I'm dealing with my own broken heart here. All it does is remind me of how much I miss my ex, and how much I love him.

 

Argh.

[sngrmom75]

I know i am going have have to contact him about some things- like needing my birth certificate which I left there. It's been 2 days of NC. I know his schedule. I know where he is almost all the time. I know when he's at work and when he's at a gig. I know he's at our therapist right now because it was the last appointment that I made for US. This is hard. I got angry last night after reading some old emails. Anger is good, I guess, when it replaces the awful pit of despair. But the anger always goes away... I feel this baby kick inside me and I know that he's in our bed with someone else. Sometimes the hurt is so bad it's unreal...

[Mustang]

Day 2

 

The frustrating and confusing text my ex sent me has made me very confused. It was clearly an attempt to keep me in her life. I have no idea why on earth she felt the need to tell me that her phone was working again. Especially when she had ignored my previous text telling her I still cared about her. There was no mention of that.

 

I think she's worried that I'm going to disappear. Maybe she still wants me around but is scared to let her guard down and get involved with me again in case things go back to how they are.

 

My reply of "cool x" doesn't really count as contact if you ask me. I didn't want to be rude by not replying, but I made it clear that I'm not willing to get involved in mundane texts anymore.

 

I really do want to text her and be friends with her but it's so hard because whenever we get close, I think to myself "why are we apart?" and then I get upset. I know I scare her sometimes when I tell her how I feel. But that's the sort of guy I am.

 

I told my ex that I still care for her and sometimes wish I had another chance. She ignored me and then told me about her phone working again. If that's not a clear message, I don't know what is...

[Hosvius]

that sounds extremely controversial lol. but being the last contact was your text explaining your feelings and then she tells you her phone is back up...? sounds to me like she is inviting a phone call.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

bronte..

I think you handled the situation with your ex's job interview perfectly.

[Tinnes]

Day 4

 

I have just remember that when we met on Saturday night, I asked him when we're going to meet etc.

I was drunk. Hope he won't remember mostly of things I said(and showed that I still care), because he was drunk too.

Oh, I feel so bad at the moment.

But, I was with a guy who came there to meet me. My ex saw that, and started to talk wit a girl, ignoring me.

I made a mistake. Huge. It is huge, because I feel bad because of that. Rejected. And I done that to myself again! So, it is time to proove to myself again how rational I can think, to act ok in front of him(we'll probably meet next monday at birthday party). By NC I want to show him that I live without him, and to show him that, what I told him day before we met on Saturday (not to texting me with sex as topic), I was really ment. What is done, is done.

He was always texting me, and breaking my NC. I was glad when I saw he still thing of me. But now, I know that it just pass long time till the next time he does that.

By that time I'll manage not to hear from him, and when he does that, I'll ignore him. Just want to fully get over it.

[Mustang]

that sounds extremely controversial lol. but being the last contact was your text explaining your feelings and then she tells you her phone is back up...? sounds to me like she is inviting a phone call.

 

It's not that. She was texting me from another phone while her other one was broken.

 

She was probably just trying to change the subject and avoiding talking about "us".

[SweetSmilingYeti]

Although I am keeping up with this NC stuff, I feel like I am slowly dieing. I don't know what happened! I was okay until yesterday. I just miss my ex so much. It hurts seeing this person that has the same name as my ex and is suppose to be him everyday. I think it hurts more seeing him change so much after we broke up than having him break up with me. I feel like I was trampled on. Like none of the feelings I shared with him were real on his side. He has literally gone against every value we shared. I feel used.

 

I haven't done anything to jeopardized my NC challenge at all but all of I sudden I miss him. I miss my old boyfriend and the way he smelled and the way he felt when I hugged him. I feel so so alone. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't have to see him everyday. I feel like he is rubbing salt on my wounds every time I see him laughing and smiling. I feel like I just can't go on. I really really don't. I don't want to even go to school anymore because I know I"ll have to see him and screw on my happy face. I don't want to go to prom because I'll have to see him dancing with his new girl. I just want to disappear. I understand what Gizmo was saying last week about having to pick up his 9740927597239457927 pieces of his heart his ex left behind. I haven't felt this out of control in a while.

[LilBear]

Day 59

Can't help but to feel sad about this.