honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I think it sounds promising! It is strange to me though that you contacted because of your mom's views? I hope other people don't give in to pressure from people not in the relationship. If you decide to break NC - do it for YOU and YOU alone. I hope you'll tell us how the meeting goes. What I notice that's a good sign, is the amount of communication going on between you two - nice news!!! Link to comment
gee Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 dragon lady, thats good that you are feeling great! I hope to get to that point soon! Good luck! Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I think it sounds promising! It is strange to me though that you contacted because of your mom's views? I hope other people don't give in to pressure from people not in the relationship. If you decide to break NC - do it for YOU and YOU alone. I hope you'll tell us how the meeting goes. What I notice that's a good sign, is the amount of communication going on between you two - nice news!!! My mom convinced me because she didn't understand the whole NC thing. I tried to explain, but she look at me like this I had a moment of weakness and thought "maybe she's right." I was prepared for the worst when I did contact him. As I said, I don't want to throw anyone off balance here when they need it the least. You are all doing great with NC. I still know it's the best way for the majority of people. Even that 17 days did wonders for me. I just hope that I can keep it together when I see him next week. I feel confident now, but who knows what might happen? I also wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who helped me here. You guys are amazing people and I appreciate the support like you would not believe. Link to comment
littlej Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I am in the middle of a phase 2 NC struggle. This is one of the hardest things I have done. She went back to her old boyfriend. The guy she told me wasn't right for him and it is simply ripping me apart. I can't believe it I am a grown man I feel so embarrassed sitting here feeling like this. Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I am in the middle of a phase 2 NC struggle. This is one of the hardest things I have done. She went back to her old boyfriend. The guy she told me wasn't right for him and it is simply ripping me apart. I can't believe it I am a grown man I feel so embarrassed sitting here feeling like this. There's no reason to be embarrassed... heartbreak is heartbreak - it doesn't have any age limits. I can understand how you feel - keep taking it one day at a time and stay busy... you have people here you can talk to when you need it! good luck! Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Today is the start of Day 16... I had my first dream about her last night since we started NC. At this point I can't remember it in full detail but I do remember waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to go back to sleep... i hope these do not continue. My second dream was out of the blue as well - i ended up in this huge fist fight with one of my friends... all weird and out of nowhere. i don't know... my mind has been doing nothing but playing tricks on me Honey I think i should be able to keep in touch while i'm in florida... i guess we'll find out tomorrow when i get there. I hope next week flys by with this trip. I need to move on with my life Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 i just dont know, i feel like ringing her... but im scared if she doesnt answer... why hasnt she broken!lol mind games! i feel like i need to end this on a happier note, its driving me insane x Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Hey Sam, I know how you can want to end this on a good note... but here's what you gotta keep telling yourself: if you want her in your life in any means, then your not "ending" anything right now. You can by all means settle things in a civilized, polite way but there's no need to rush that right now. Its all the feelings that she might be angry or forget you that keeps you wanting to do that. Let the time pass and let things settle down... if things were good, the more time passes, the more people will remember the happy times they had together. Be patient, and look after yourself for another 2 weeks - i'm not saying forget her because that is impossible. But the time is only a good thing here... get all the things want to say on paper and re-read them every few days to see if things have changed. Who knows, maybe in that time you're feelings will have changed - i know it doesn't seem like it now but you never know... be strong - good luck! Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 hi Sam, dont do it.. i drunk dialled the ex on Friday night and it was a bad move.. Im back to square one. day 2 of NC again Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 haha, i dont take my phone out nowadays, or i just give it to a mate! messenger- yeah i see what you mean.. thats a good way of looking at it..hmm... i was just wondering if it wud make my NC easier, and possbily harder for her mwahah i do hope shes feeling guilty for hanging up on me and shouting last time, i hope she has a damn conscience! shes gone stone cold, so im not sure! x Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Sam - if she's the girl that you remember, i'm sure she does feel guilty to a point. If she doesn't feel guilty, do you really want to be with someone like that? Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Yeah i know...wish i had some sign, shes keeping pretty strong right now lol all i want is an apology to be honest! Link to comment
Tinnes Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I saw him last night at the night club. We was very close whole night. Some girl put her hand on him, and they were talking for the rest of the night. It happened after a friend of mine came, that my ex is jealous of him. Actually I felt very bad, because I am not used to meet him. I realized that I am not over him. I am only when I do not meet him, but as soon as someone is near him, I take it very hard. But, I am continuing NC (that he broke up again) after I told him not to text me anymore. Day 2 Link to comment
Hosvius Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 it's day 3 now since ive tried to contact her. im feeling weird now, im constantly at war with myself questioning her return and the depth of whats happening. it could be simple and we could be back next week or it could truly be done with! i dream about her and she enters my mind the second i wake to the second i go to sleep. its really tough and im staying hopeful for the best and as the religious person i am im praying to the man upstairs to give me a helping hand in this as he does with the rest of my needs and wants. this truly is the worst experince ever.. Link to comment
SCbunny Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Ughhh This totally sucks! I feel like I've never gone this long without talking to him. All I want to know is if he is thinking about me...if my name has even crossed his mind. Maybe he hasn't even thought about me for a split second! I keep checking my phone for a missed call, a text, or at least a drunk dial! I'm also nervous because I will be seeing him in a little over a week from now. There is this event (which was planned way before we even broke up) that we will both be at. All I know is that I plan on looking amazingly gorgeous that night! I already know he is going to come up and talk to me (because thats how he is, and thats what hes done in the past during our break ups, AND also we are technically friends still). I don't know if I should be normal and nice, or somewhat aloof, or not nice at all....? Whenever we meet again after a break up he has always put this huge "I miss you, I want you" vibe out there the second our eyes meet and he touches my arm. And to be honest, I WANT him to put that vibe out there again...because it has always lead to us getting back together. I'm so nervous about seeing him again! That night will mark the 3rd week after our break up and of not having seen each other at all. I have no idea how things will go, especially after almost a month of time apart. Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Day 28... I am feeling pretty good. I do intend to call him after the challenge is up because I feel I am ready. I have some things I want to say to him and also it will allow me the final closure. 30 days have gone by and I will be able to talk to him with a clear head. I have heard through the grape vine though that he is wondering which one of us, him or i, were going to break the silence. He had asked his friend who he thinks should break the silence. Now his tone has changed apparently and he is saying that he thinks that I possibly have moved on and doesnt know if he should call or not. NC works man. I am telling you. i am going to call him after the 30 days to say what i have discovered and gain some closure for myself. Day 28... Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 omg I'm shaking - I'm so excited for you Jax!! Link to comment
Irish Jax Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Thanks Honey... What is shocking me is that he was the one who asked for space and said its important you give it to me, which I gladly did. Now his tone has changed just a bit and he is saying he is giving me space.. Kind of ironic. We split because he wanted a break from the relationship but also because I had an unplanned pregnancy which had to be terminated due to health reasons. That caused alot of stress btw us and thats when he decided he wanted the time away.. A better description is under this topic. Since we have been NC. I have learned so much and I yes, I do miss him and I will tell him that. I am not expecting a reunion or get back together, just I feel that one of us needs to break the ice. Its going to me, it always is it seems. But after a month, I want to sum up what I have learned from this whole thing and talk to him about it. Now whether it will impact him is not my concern, I am going to do it for my own mental benefit. However, this will open up the lines of communication. Now he will not have a reason not to call. So after I speak with him, I am not going to call him. He will have to call me if he so chooses and will not have an excuse not to. Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Wow Day 10?! It is funny because when I started I was so depressed and thought "30 DAYS?!?! THAT IS SO LONGGGGGGG!" but I'm 1/3 done with it! This is such a breeze! I still do think about the ex a lot. My thoughts oscillate between the memories we shared and the hard truth that he was lying all along but I do have to say that the sweet memories are becoming fewer as the truth begins to sink in. This new realization (although it isn't so new) has left me very angry and I find myself at night or whenever I have "alone time" talking to him and telling him how much he has hurt me. Lol no, I'm not TALKING to him. I just pretend I am. Long gone are the fantasies of him coming back and begging to be with me. I now seem to fantasize scenarios in which I get to tell him all I feel. It helps. Especially what happened Friday with his best friend asking me "Did you expect to marry (name)?". I think now is the time to start letting things go. Anger is like poison and my ex is like a mean monster you find under the bed. If I don't let him hurt me then he dies. He wants to put me down (that is why he keeps telling his friends untrue things) but I have to rise above it and not let him hurt me anymore. I am hopeful for this week. I remember last week my fear was that I had class with him and I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it without talking to him. I did it and to be honest, I don't feel that obsessive NEED to call him or talk to him anymore. My new fear, or my new goal (if you are optimistic), is what his friends say to me. I need to stop letting them get to me. I want to be happy again and I won't be until I realize that I am worth much more than what my ex/ his friends have made me out to be. I'm not one of their bimbo girls they can play around with. Once again, good luck guys. I love reading all your posts and Irish Jax: congratulation! You are almost there! I will let you guys know how it turns out tomorrow! I am sure I will be able to meet this goal with as much success as I met the last one. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 OHhhh i have a confession i sent an email, please dont shout. lol... but this email was very important and she needed to read it. it was very personal and wasnt even about me trying to get back with her.. it was just explaining things, that have been going on post and pre- breakup. i did save it as a draft, but eventually i did send it. I couldnt handle leaving things as they were okay, its not in my nature. but the worst thing is...i know she didnt even read it, she deleted it without opening it. Dont ask me how i know - her account was 'remembered' on my comp, and i know i shudnt have, but i needed to know quickly if shed gotten the msg how could she have done that? i really wasnt expecting it. im worse than ever now. it was a really important email. probally the most immportant ive ever sent. i cant believe it.x Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 oh no sam...maybe im being optimistic but do you think she deleted it by accident? Does she have any reason to be angry with you..seems a bit strange? Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 It did seem a bit strange, thats why i didnt understand well i turns out she sent my a reply via facebook, because i sent the same email via a message too. She said that she does think about my everyday, and hopes im doing ok. She said she understood everything in the email. Said shes moving on, and hopes that i am too. She also said that shes not ready for a friendship yet, because she worries that i still have hopes of getting back together, she said the chances are almost nil. (should i be optomistic about them being ALMOST nil?) hahah anyway, i sent an email back telling her i have no agenda anymore... because i really think i dont guys...i have began to accept that there are other people out there, and i know that i can make another girl happy. she said it herself. i think i just miss talking to her, because she was the closest person ive ever had in my life... x Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Then open your heart to others by choice Sam. You are opening up here every day - creating good communication and honesty skill. Remember when you mentioned depression? Spend some more time reading on that and ways to break free. Consider adopting a lifestyle based around healing from that. I am disappointed that you broke NC. What you did could have waited. But of course ultimately I support YOU and YOUR true self, so I know you did what was best. I know you can change your life Sam. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 I know honey, i am still getting to grips with the depression. My other friend thats been through a lot has helped me through some things, and i have learnt things about myself. I know i could have waited, but i know that if i do NC from this point onwards, may it be LC or NC or even both, i will find it easier to cope. Being in that state of NC was really bad for me i think, because i felt shackled to the pain and to thoughts about her constantly. I want to set myself free know.x Link to comment
SweetSmilingYeti Posted March 16, 2008 Share Posted March 16, 2008 Oh Sam I just want to give you a big hug. I wish I could give you a little of the peace that has been settling in my heart. And it's okay about the email. Your ex sounds nice and although you shouldn't have sent it, she could have replied with something much worse. But you do have to let go. No matter how messy you left the relationship it is time you pick yourself back up. Not to sound corny but I love the whole theme of Batman Begins. "Why do we fall?" "So that we can learn to pick ourselves up". =) Link to comment
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