SCbunny

i feel pretty alright right now. maybe this is because i just came back from an amazingly fun weekend in Las Vegas. i forgot how much fun going out with a group of girlfriends can be. especially in a place like Vegas we ran into one of my ex-boyfriend's roommates as we were getting in our car to leave for Vegas. so, im 99% sure he told my ex that he ran into me as i was leaving for a fun trip. i wonder if it drove him crazy wondering what i was doing with my single girlfriends this weekend. if you've ever been to Vegas..you know what goes on. even if hes the one that dumped me, he probably still wondered one million times if i was hooking up or not..right? it would feel good to know that he was slightly jealous. not in a mean way..but it would just feel good.

when we spoke yesterday (well...we IMed) as i posted yesteraday, he said that if we decided to continue talking it would be like "taking steps backwards" ...he said "i can move on, but if i see you it would be harder for me" he predicts that if we see each other, he will feel inclined to fall back into a relationship with me (we hang out, we hook up, and then we get back together) i dont get it. shouldn't he feel like there is no way for him to fall into any sort of relationship with me. if he dumped me, shouldnt he feel like its easy to NOT have any sort of thing for me? Sure he may be physically attracted but why does he think we could easily be together again simply by seeing me and talking to me again. Confused!

somebody help me.... ughh

I IMed him today. BUT I needed specific info on an upcoming event that only he had (among other people I do not know at all...so hes my only source) So i suppose I have to start all over again. But maybe it's pointless since I already know I'll see him at an event next week. I'll just have to start all over again next week... Anyway, he said that it'll be hard to see me again next week because it won't help him move on to see me. He says it'll be like taking a step backwards. I also told him that its too bad we can't be friends yet because we usually like to keep each other updated on exciting news. And again, he said that its for the best because it'll be like taking steps backwards. Then he said that he doesnt want to jump back into our typical on-again/off-again cycle. He says..it always starts with us talking again, then hanging out a couple of times, then hooking up, then hooking up again, and then getting back together. Its true, thats what always happens! He's very easily inclined to be with me again. He knows he'll be pulled right back in again. Does this mean hes not completely over me even though hes the one that dumped me? After we had that discussion, we suddenly started talking about cool stuff thats been going on in the past 2 weeks of our lives. It was a fun and nice convo, so at least that was good. Ugh I wish I knew what was going to happen with us!! (Oh and you can find a brief history of us here: ) haha.

ah he's back in town! it looks like he got back this afternoon! how do i know? i broke a NC rule and saw he had posted a happy birthday comment on our friend's facebook (he didnt have internet access when he was away so this is a sign he is home) He's going to be back at work tomorrow and online...and I'll finally be able to contact him via AIM. I'm going to really want to! I want to know how his trip went, i want to hear all his exciting stories that he would typically share with me! i miss my best friend so much....

Ughhh This totally sucks! I feel like I've never gone this long without talking to him. All I want to know is if he is thinking about me...if my name has even crossed his mind. Maybe he hasn't even thought about me for a split second! I keep checking my phone for a missed call, a text, or at least a drunk dial! I'm also nervous because I will be seeing him in a little over a week from now. There is this event (which was planned way before we even broke up) that we will both be at. All I know is that I plan on looking amazingly gorgeous that night! I already know he is going to come up and talk to me (because thats how he is, and thats what hes done in the past during our break ups, AND also we are technically friends still). I don't know if I should be normal and nice, or somewhat aloof, or not nice at all....? Whenever we meet again after a break up he has always put this huge "I miss you, I want you" vibe out there the second our eyes meet and he touches my arm. And to be honest, I WANT him to put that vibe out there again...because it has always lead to us getting back together. I'm so nervous about seeing him again! That night will mark the 3rd week after our break up and of not having seen each other at all. I have no idea how things will go, especially after almost a month of time apart.

I guess its sort of easy for me not to talk to him or see him since he is out of town in another state for this entire week. I guess it could be considered a business trip since it involves networking with people in his industry of business. Anyway, he went with his friend (who also does the same work). His friend is fun-loving, single, but not really attractive. However, I can't help but think everyday that they are meeting girls and taking them back to their hotel every night. I'm sure his friend is highly encouraging him to go out or whatever. I DO doubt all of this is happening though b/c 1) his friend isn't all that attractive, and 2) they are both pretty awkward around girls. But STILL I cant help but think about it!

We haven't had any verbal or physical contact since March 5th. BUT I have looked at his Facebook/Myspace ...which I know is against one of the rules.. Should I start my NC start date all over again as of today? (Ah that Myspace rule is going to kill me haha) It'll feel better to see so many other people doing this along with me!