MNmike Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 yep, I think if they truly loved, we wouldn't be here. Love takes alot, I think some people don't really know what that exactly is, or what it means. You said she went to her ex, as hard as it is to hear, maybe she just never got over him, and you had to suffer the consequences in the mean time. Thats not fair to you, and alot of things the ex does are not fair to the ones they leave. I know how it feels. Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 day 11.........i feel great Link to comment
yo Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Do the days even matter?? All I can say is she's getting farther away from me and I from her. We haven't spoken for nearly 18 days and I think she's moved on with her life...Everything just feels like a nice dream..she feels so distant now..I am slowly forgetting her voice, her scent, her laugh eveything. I am not sure if anything good will come out of contacting her. I don't want to pin my hopes on her. But, I would just love to talk to her once..just hear her voice again..the very voice that drove me insane in the fisrt place. But, I am going to do it on my terms and when I am ready. Not sure if I am making any sense..a lil drunk tonight!! Link to comment
J_man Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 But, I am going to do it on my terms and when I am ready. Not sure if I am making any sense..a lil drunk tonight!! that part made tons of sense, stick to it! Link to comment
foleno Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 day 11.........i feel great Day 11 for me to. Happy new year and keep up the NC. NC works if you work it. Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 thanks foleno! happy new year too..this is second round for you too right? Im glad ! QUOTE=foleno;2102597]Day 11 for me to. Happy new year and keep up the NC. NC works if you work it. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Thanks so much to the people that took the time to read my post and give me their thoughts! I know she treated me badly towards the end, I just find it so strange because for the majority of our relationship she was the perfect gf and couldn't do enough for me, then just suddenly turned into a * * * * * who would constantly pick me up and put me down. It really helps to talk to people on this site as we can all relate to eachother in some way and are all hurting. I think it's true that she had no regard for my feelings, how could she when she chose to dump me right before xmas and then again new year's eve? I just don't understand how someone that was once so kind and thoughtful could suddenly become so heartless. Now she just wants me to forgive everything and be her best friend. I think maybe I should do NC for a while, to gain some perspective and show her that I'm not going to keep chasing her everytime she throws me away. I just hope that it doesn't push her towards finding someone else out of loneliness.. I guess I shouldn't care anymore because even if she does want me back, I would have very little self respect to take her back after dumping me 3 times within 2 months. It would still kill me to see her with someone else though. Link to comment
flyoffthewall Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I also identify with what you said about worrying that maybe we won't find someone that good again. We may find someone as good or even better - I certainly don't believe my ex was perfect but it is that unique person that I deeply miss and appreciate. We love people along with their faults and I love him but I know I just can't go on any longer the way I am and I have to let him go. I am seriously thinking I don't want anybody anymore. I haven't had many relationships but I put so much in (probably too much) and feel strong at first but then come out with no self esteem. I want to look after meand be okay with just me. I want to know I can be happy with just me. Hope you're feeling stronger Hi Titch, Thanks for your support. I have been away on business for a few days and it felt good to return to ENA and to read that you could relate to what I have to say. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, too. I want to be happier on my own. I also don't feel ready to be with anyone else and have never had good self-esteem. Not even sure why -- I have a good job and have a lot in my favor, and I never seem to be single for too long, but I still am not satisfied. I want to have stronger relationships in my life -- a real, long-term partner and better friends. I continue to try to figure out how to make improvements in my relationships and to feel better about myself. I've been working out every day and have been trying to build new friendships. Ugh. I still miss my girlfriend a lot, though. She was very special to me and it is hard to let go. Still NC after three weeks, but I think every day about whether I should try to get her back. Still thinking that is the wrong move, though. I have also thought about trying harder to start dating again, but that feels wrong, too. I've made that mistake before. My heart is not in it yet. Thanks again for your support. It feels better knowing that people are out there who are going through the same thing. I admire that you continue to try to be in NC since you know that it is the best thing for you. It is hard, though, no? Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 grr this is so hard. Was feeling really good about everything earlier, but I find night time the hardest. Whenever I spent anytime away from her we used to chat on the phone and have text conversations every night. Now I just lie awake wondering what she's doing. Even though I am trying to have NC at the moment I still find it hard when she doesn't even try to contact me. Some nights she does, but nights like tonight when she doesn't makes me think that maybe she's with someone else right now. If she was in her flat alone she would probably want to try and contact me.. Maybe she's still thinking about me but wants to try nc too. Maybe she's with someone else or maybe I'm just not on her mind anymore. I know that I really shouldn't be obsessing over this so much, the whole point is to try and get her out of my head. I just can't help it, I really want to call her just so I can see what she's doing and stop the questions in my head about whether she's with someone else or not. I really miss not hearing her voice before I go to sleep. I was doing SO well earlier as well. Went shopping, worked out, had a bath, I was really starting to feel like I didn't need her. I was meant to be going out tonight as well but my friend cancelled which hasn't helped. These feelings are always strongest at night. Grrr. Link to comment
J_man Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 it's much easier said than done, but maybe you can try to push those thoughts out when they come up? it really doesn't do you any good to wonder like that, it jsut makes it harder. i try to come up with something to think of when i notice myself doing something similar. it happens to be spaghetti. not really sure why, i just think of how the steam feels on my face when i strain it. uh.. not sure that's very helpful. it does get better with some time, but it's not linear progress, sometimes you move forward, sometimes backward, then forward again. sounds like you did real good today; that's a great foundation to build on! *high five* Link to comment
foleno Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 The spell is broken. I can honestly look back at the relationship and veiw everything with out giving to I love my ex. Let me give them the benifit because it may keep the love going. Thank God its over. I am so lucky my ex did not take me back. I would have learned nothing. I realize some people never do. Though. I would have like it to been true love. I want to believe love is real so bad. Link to comment
Coach Jimmy Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm on day 2, about to go into day 3 after I go to bed tonight. One good thing, after I started this "challenge" I started sleeping better, thinking clearly. I know its been really short, but I noticed a different piece of mind very rapidly and I hope it lasts. My big challenge, avoiding too much booze and making those stupid phone calls or checking up on her with facebook/myspace. I'd rather not drink than call her and make a fool of myself. So I'll take a drinking hiatus for a while. Link to comment
Crows Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Day2.. ended.. my ex continues to do stupid things.. comes online for 2 minutes... "hey.. whats up" "im gonna go smoke a joint with my friend.. ile be back" needless to say.. she never came back. Who does she think I am? This is exactly what I meant when I told her she needed to grow up after she dumped me. Sigh...........hopefully she can learn in time... .... if she doesn't act quickly.. Il just continue to keep resenting her more and more every time she does something stupid like that. Call me being hopefully.. But I do believe she does want me back .. at least somewhat. I think she may be scared though.... at our coffee.. when she asked if I would take back my best friend who was awfull to me during the breakup i said 'hell no" and then she asked If I was going to take back my ex ex gf who wanted me back.. and I said "hell no" Shaking in her booties if she wants me back. Link to comment
MNmike Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Todays starts day 9 Went out tonight, all I could think of was her. feel real sad again. God I miss her. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I've lost count of the days. i think it was 3 before I emailed her to send all my work clothes to my new address. then last thursday she emailed me and i did not reply. so so maybe like 10 or 11 days now without any contact. Link to comment
titch_p Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I admire that you continue to try to be in NC since you know that it is the best thing for you. It is hard, though, no? You're right flyoffthewall it is hard! Hoping I'll make it this time Yes, it is hard with NC. Anything that happens that I think he'd enjoy or find funny like a film or some incident- I want to contact him and tell him. I know he's fine about me contacting him but many times he won't respond. I'm usually okay for the first day or two of NC but after about a week I think I could just send him some interesting news and I convince myself that I'm fine if he doesn't respond because, hey, we're just friends. However, I find often I'm not fine because when he rarely responds it just gives me this subliminal message being - he doesn't care about you anymore the way he used to'! A huge contrast from apprecaited and cherished girlfriend to disposable 'friend' whom I may (depending on how I'm feeling that particular day) take out of the toybox when I 'might' want to play with it. I am at least trying LC in that I'm not contacting him and let him initiate contact but amazingly, I still have it in my head that he'll think I don't care if I don't write Arggh!! Link to comment
Coach Jimmy Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I got a text last night that woke me up...it was from my ex who left me for another guy, saying something like "Lost comes back in January!" We used to watch it together religiously and I know it won't be the same. So instead of messaging her back with "cool" I promptly deleted it and went back to sleep. felt good. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Today is day one for me as I stupidly ended up talking to her last night. I rang her mobile because I wanted to see if she was in or not (if she is in then her mobile won't ring as she has no reception in her flat.) When it rang I hung up and started thinking that she must be out with the guy that i think she is involved with. She text me wanting to know what was up and I said something like 'i'm guessing you're out with that guy, sorry I can't talk to u when you're seeing him, the thought of u with him is too much'. Then she was like 'no I was asleep, my phone rang because I left it on the window sill where I have reception sometimes.' I asked her how her night out with him the night before had gone and she said it was ok. I said that I thought that it was bull that they're just friends and wished that she would tell me the truth. Then she got angry and was like 'omg stop calling me a liar' etc. I was thinking about all the lies she's told me before, like how she definitely loved me and wasn't going to break up with me again and then did a week later. I just said something like 'well I guess if you're seeing him that's up to you.' She hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know if she got pissed off because she is seeing him and was getting defensive because I was touching on the truth, or if she was telling the truth and getting frustrated. I know I shouldn't have broken nc in the first place, just felt like I couldn't sleep until I spoke to her. All I've done is made her mad at me, and I'm no closer to the truth because even if I do break nc to find out what she's up to, there's nothing to stop her lying about where she is and who she's with, so it's probably easier to just not ask. Aside from the fact that it isn't my business anymore, which I'm aware of. I think that I just don't want to go back to uni to find out that they're together, I'd rather know the truth now so that I can prepare myself for it before I go back. I've felt quite down since last night and slept most of the day, but I'm determined not to speak to her. I just miss updating her with the little things that are going on in my life, like what I bought when I went shopping yesterday or what I saw at the cinema the other night. I miss all the things that we used to laugh and joke about. I miss her so much Link to comment
MNmike Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I also really miss just the daily things she used to talk about. She is in grad school, so I always heard what was going on, her tests, the classes she taught, her job. Any random thing throughout the day. Feels like there is a huge empty spot everyday. I never realized how much I'd miss that stuff. Link to comment
flyoffthewall Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 You're right flyoffthewall it is hard! ....I am at least trying LC in that I'm not contacting him and let him initiate contact but amazingly, I still have it in my head that he'll think I don't care if I don't write Arggh!! Frustrating, isn't it! ](*,) Titch, do you think that he knows that you care? It sounds like he does. In fact, the message he seems to be sending you is that he doesn't care -- at least not in the way you want him to. Would you agree? I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, I know that you want it to be otherwise, and that you still have strong feelings for him. If you do agree, then maybe that will help you stay in NC, if you consider this: He KNOWS that you care. It sounds to me that he gains comfort from the fact that you will be there for him whenever he decides that he wants you. I have to admit that, as a guy, I think that I would feel that way. Not that I would want to jerk someone around, but because of my own fears of being alone, I've sometimes used the knowledge that an ex still cares about me as a fallback, in case moving on doesn't work or in case I change my mind (more the former than the latter). I've actually thought more about the ex when she has broken off contact. I wonder if she has found someone who pleases her more than I did, or if I made a mistake to think that she will always be there for me. I am ashamed to admit all of this, but I think that it is not an uncommon way to think when a relationship seems like it is ending I know that it sounds counter-intuitive, and that you know him well, and that he might forget about you -- but I think that it is much more likely that he wonders more about you. At that point, if he doesn't try harder to be in touch with you, he probably considers it over anyway. My ex hasn't contacted me since we broke up a few weeks ago, and I still haven't contacted her. She made it clear that when she's done, she's done. I am pretty sure that she will outlast me with NC. I might call her sometime, but it won't be until I am over her, or until I have a reason to think we can still have a romantic relationship together. I decided last night that even though I'm not ready to date, that it would help me to go online at a dating site and see who is looking for a relationship. I created a dating profile but didn't put a picture on it or complete the whole thing. I decided to just "lurk" for awhile. I woke up feeling a little better today, and thinking less about my ex, because of the hope of finding someone else that that gave me. Good luck today, Titch! Sorry that was so long Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm nearly through with day one. Doesn't seem to be much of an achievement compared to you guys who are being so strong. She hasn't contacted me today and I'm determined to do the same. I wish I had some evidence that she misses me... I'm going back to uni in a few days and I'm really scared that things will be harder then. At least when I'm staying in my home town I'm in a place that I don't associate with her, makes it easier if that makes sense. Think I'm gonna go to bed early and spend the day studying tomorrow. Not very exciting but it's something constructive to do and hopefully it will take my mind off stuff. Link to comment
lovemeorleaveme00 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 day 12..i still miss him but i know its the right thing to do.. Link to comment
J_man Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 i have a feeling that the coming weeks are going to be more difficult than the last few. she was out of the country for 2 weeks and i'm guessing that she's got to be back by now. knowing she was more or less out of reach was a nice crutch. knowing she's just miles down the road is going to make this more difficult. ugh. today was day 21 Link to comment
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