THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[foleno]

So my ex texted back this morning. Went back and froth. She finally replied about my roomat egetting married. I replied back again with "yeah il have to find a new roomate or place.. and im playin some ice hockey again"

 

and she hasnt replied again.

 

I asked her how she was since we last talked.. and she just was vague again "about the same as I was before" This was when we bf drank heavily etc.. ... i duno what to do. ... back into NC I go.

 

Hey. I do not know anything, but it sound like you could be just emotional support right now. Things are rocky for her "like her bf drunk" So she leans on you. I could be off. like I said I do not know anything. NC. it works if you work it.

[Crows]

Hey. I do not know anything, but it sound like you could be just emotional support right now. Things are rocky for her "like her bf drunk" So she leans on you. I could be off. like I said I do not know anything. NC. it works if you work it.

 

That's what I fear.

 

She doesn't talk about him at all, etc. She said hes an ex alchoholic, and drank a 2/6 and came over to her house. THis was after I went for coffee with her.

 

She told me this 3 days after she invited me to coffee, which we went out for, and she asked for a hug. And previous to that, she flirted with me, and said things like " imiss talking to you" as well as "we really do know each other dont we" and she reminissed etc.

 

I am afriad i am only emotional support. I may have to confront her about this beucase I did get angry at her about that kind of stuff a couple weeks after the break up when she called me to cry and say I was the only one to understand. I told her she couldnt do this.. she stopped... and now 3 months after the split.. shes trying to get seemingly closer to me...

[reasonablegirl]

Crows, I don't know a whole lot of detail about what was texted back and forth but if the roommate hockey text was the last one you sent her, it doesn't seem like something that warrants a response. A text that does not ask a question but only makes a statement is not one that requires a response. Regardless, I think you are making yourself far too available to her which is making it easier for her to get over breaking up with you and move on.

[Crows]

Crows, I don't know a whole lot of detail about what was texted back and forth but if the roommate hockey text was the last one you sent her, it doesn't seem like something that warrants a response. A text that does not ask a question but only makes a statement is not one that requires a response. Regardless, I think you are making yourself far too available to her which is making it easier for her to get over breaking up with you and move on.

 

Well to be fair, she is the one initiating probably 90 percent of the contact between us both.

 

And on the contrary.. I think she's still having a rough time getting over me. She's only now admitting she misses me. She was steadfast that she made the right decision over a month ago. Now shes' coming back , texting, reminissing, calling me even.

[Crows]

Note:

 

I went NC, and she keeps coming back

 

We've had 14 and 16 dayts of NC, and she is initiating them.

 

She never wanted to tell me about her bf.. but i squeezed it out of her aboyt a month ago.

[reasonablegirl]

Well if she is intiating contact and she dumped you, then you should be the first one ending text exchanges and conversations rather than trying to keep them going and then wondering why she disappears after you send one last text. You can't always be allow yourself to be available everytime she snaps her fingers, it is going to just turn you into her emotional crutch rather than seeing you as a romantic alternative to her latest mistake. (BTW, you should start a new thread rather than hijacking this one if you want to get more opinions on this).

[Crows]

Well if she is intiating contact and she dumped you, then you should be the first one ending text exchanges and conversations rather than trying to keep them going and then wondering why she disappears after you send one last text. You can't always be allow yourself to be available everytime she snaps her fingers, it is going to just turn you into her emotional crutch rather than seeing you as a romantic alternative to her latest mistake. (BTW, you should start a new thread rather than hijacking this one if you want to get more opinions on this).

 

I have.. and I have thought of that.

 

I'm as frusterated as you say I am.......................

 

she "appears offline" on msn and comes online.

 

She knows I Hav einterest from other girls though.

 

It's whenever she feels she will lose me, she contacts me.

 

She got all jealous when i mentioned my ex ex wanted to get back together with me.

\

I have gone times where i have not responded.. and a few days later she just said "ignoring me on perpose?"

 

and i just asid that i was busy and its hard to talk to her sometimes.

[reasonablegirl]

Her little 'ignoring me on purpose' comment tells me she knows exactly how she is toying with your heart. I would cut her off cold turkey at this point.

[Crows]

Her little 'ignoring me on purpose' comment tells me she knows exactly how she is toying with your heart. I would cut her off cold turkey at this point.

 

That was along time ago.. before she started to basically apologize.. and yes I know... but its tougher than it seems. She is very immatuire... and she always has made bad decisions in her life... she met me.. we had our dissagreemnts but she dumped me and that was a problem... she made a mistake. Heyt.. if shes learning that.. cool.

 

IM trying my hardest to be steadfast here.

[lovemeorleaveme00]

day 3............

[Crows]

Ok well she just texted "whats new friend?"

 

what the hell.. i want to die

[lovemeorleaveme00]

MC,

 

All I can say is, just do what you think is right and what makes you happy. But, don't expect anything in return

 

 

I believe in this...I texted my ex on xmas day because I felt it was right..

I dont care how interprets it but I do wish him happiness.He's still acting up but I just see it now as him being silly..I dont care what he does anymore.I am enjoying the strength that I get from coming here and doing NC..!

[lovemeorleaveme00]

Ok well she just texted "whats new friend?"

 

what the hell.. i want to die

 

 

just ignore her..she's so mean and Im sorry shes treating you this way and she has a bf?? Just delete her text ..you can do it!

[miss_chris]

i need to vent a bit. still NC going on(4 days), also it is his birthday today for those who don't know. i guess i'm kind of expecting him to give me a text, but yet not. i couldn't help myself but drive past the bar where i knew he'd be. just seeing his truck there hurt. knowing i would of been there beside him celebrating.... can't help but wonder who's all there and how he's doing. i guess i will never know. seems like he's doing fine without me, which probably hurts the most. wondering if i will see him out tomororw night and if i do, how i'm going to handle it. sometimes you can only try to remain strong for so long before you break down totally. i somehow feel guilty for all of this, just knowing i can't fix it and he can only fix himself and the way he's acting... but yet maybe i could of been a better girlfriend, maybe if i didnt argue back with him, maybe if i showed him more love. i did what i could and i guess it wasn't enough.

 

 

 

just some quotes i found that i liked. related to me a lot....

 

 

“It's weird, yeah I miss you, but it's so much more then that. I miss the way my heart stopped at just the sight of you, and that smile. The sad part about it is your smile isn't the only one that I'm missing. I miss my own, the one that's only there when yours is.” -Hollie Seals

 

“Maybe he's doing the same thing as me. Maybe he wants so bad to call me, but just won't because I haven't called him. Then again, maybe I shouldn't fill myself with false hope that he might just be missing me like I'm missing him.” -Hollie Seals

[Crows]

just ignore her..she's so mean and Im sorry shes treating you this way and she has a bf?? Just delete her text ..you can do it!

 

yeah this is just pathetic..

 

she could mean.. friend..

 

or this could mean.. something else.

 

I told her i despise cheaters and cheating at our coffee. so she could be using this to get back close to me... so shes trying to make me think shes not cheating.

[foleno]

day 3............

 

Hey it day 3 of NC. I know she got that x-mas letter. So I had to start over. I just wsihed her a happy holiday and said I am glade she found the love she wants and deserves, And that I hope they won thier tounaments. I do not think I wanted anything else. She needs to be happy. I would like another chance with her, but hey 1 should have been enough, I also really want to know why she became so cold one day. I do not get that. then the next she was like no you can not get your thinks get over it leave me alone, but the day be4 she was like great guy, sure you can have ur things. NC is for me. It work if you work it. Hey lovemeorleaveme. You said your last ex came back when you did not want them. do they come back when you get over them. Stay strong NC

[ycmanvs]

Day 28. I am starting to feel like I am single again. I am starting to think that I will probably never see him again. His friends finally stopped emailing me. I am sad.

[titch_p]

need to vent a bit. still NC going on(4 days), also it is his birthday today for those who don't know. i guess i'm kind of expecting him to give me a text, but yet not. i couldn't help myself but drive past the bar where i knew he'd be. just seeing his truck there hurt. knowing i would of been there beside him celebrating.... can't help but wonder who's all there and how he's doing. i guess i will never know. seems like he's doing fine without me, which probably hurts the most. wondering if i will see him out tomororw night and if i do, how i'm going to handle it. sometimes you can only try to remain strong for so long before you break down totally. i somehow feel guilty for all of this, just knowing i can't fix it and he can only fix himself and the way he's acting... but yet maybe i could of been a better girlfriend, maybe if i didnt argue back with him, maybe if i showed him more love. i did what i could and i guess it wasn't enough.

 

 

Miss Chris, Did you get a text? How are you feeling now? Hope you're okay I could quite identify with many things you said.

[iwillbefine]

It has been officially over a week since he left and I have had no problems with NC. I went out with a friend last night to keep myself busy, but she had just broken things off with her boyfriend, so it I was only feeling worse after our visit. I am feeling like I need some solitude and not in an unhealthy way. I think I am trying to keep myself busy and active because thats what everyone says you should do, but I just feel like I want to be alone and think about how to take care of myself, instead of just avoiding the situation by surrounding myself with people who are trying to convince me that I will be OK. I know I will be ok, so I just want to be alone and do the work....any thoughts?

[ycmanvs]

It has been officially over a week since he left and I have had no problems with NC. I went out with a friend last night to keep myself busy, but she had just broken things off with her boyfriend, so it I was only feeling worse after our visit. I am feeling like I need some solitude and not in an unhealthy way. I think I am trying to keep myself busy and active because thats what everyone says you should do, but I just feel like I want to be alone and think about how to take care of myself, instead of just avoiding the situation by surrounding myself with people who are trying to convince me that I will be OK. I know I will be ok, so I just want to be alone and do the work....any thoughts?

 

Of course it is ok to be alone. If you feel that it is best for you to work on yourself alone right now, then just do that....Most people tend to get very depressed after a break-up so that is why some people need to be around friends at all times. You are actually very lucky that you can be alone.

[buttawilly]

My Story:

 

My ex and i are still in love with each other. Well I know I am still in loev with him and he still tells me he's in love with me. He's dating someone else but continues to call me almsot everyday. I finally did NC for a record 18 days now. He has called me at least 3 times a day for the entire duration. Even on Xmas he wanted to come see me and left me a voicemail saying "I miss you, I want to spend Xmas with you, I miss you and I love you." It confuses the hell outta me, I jus think he wants his cake and eat it too and for the past couple months I have been allowing it by keeping in contact, answering his calls, seeing him. Point blan: i was enabling him to have me and do what he wants. I decided this wasnt healthy for me.

 

I finally took a stand to never go see him again two months ago. He continually asks me to come and hang out for dinner or to see him. Then 18 days ago I finally decided to stop answering his calls. I told him numerous times I wanted to be with him and i gave up beggin and asking and finally talkign to him altogehter. He knows that the ony way ill ever believe him that he wants to be with me again he would have to come to my door and prove it. He has called a couple times asking me if im home or directions (altho he knows...hes driven to my place a couple times. He lives about an hour and a half away).

 

So basically NC has helped me. At first I was doing it to get him back. But i decided i want to do it to not only heal but to LOVE myself again. and after 18 days I feel its working. Sucks seeing him call and leave these message or texts and i dont asnwer or talk to him. but for my own good....I need to do this.

 

NC....do it for healing and loving yourself. If it happens to bring your ex to their knees begging for you back..well then thats an added bonus.

[miss_chris]

titch_p, no i didnt receive any text from him at all. nothing. kinda makes me feel like he really did not care in the first place. like it was so easy for him to just break up and it's so easy for him to not call or make any sort of contact. like he is so much better off without me... i dunno, just wish he would give some sort of sign that he missed me, even a little bit....

[miss_chris]

i'm also confused about tonight, if i should go out or not because if i do i know we will be at the same place (bar) and i dont know if i really want to see him or not. it might just bring up all the hurt again. yet i can't avoid him forever..... i don't know what to do. i would probably freak if i saw him with another girl so early on. i really don't know... i know he wont' talk to me anyways if i do go there and im not gonna try to talk to him either. but i do want to go out and have fun with friends. arrrgggg.. why can't he just disappear

[bostoneric]

so i couldnt stop myself this morning.... my computer still logs into her email and I could see she had a draft going to a friend she rarely see because her "friend" lives in another country.

 

 

i am holding up quite well. i realize now how draining that relationship was. it was like i had a child, not a boyfriend. i had to do absolutely everything for him. and he really didn't do very much for me. and emotionally it was not a deep connection. so really, when he moved out, i just felt a sense of relief to know that now i only have to worry about taking care of me and my cat. i kind of feel free. i have this horrible pattern of settling for men that i don't really like. i get so lonely that i end up with the first nice guy i meet. even if i am not attracted to him. i think there are only 2 guys (XXXX & XXXX) that i actually truly liked/loved. anyway, here is where everything gets pretty weird. what i am about to tell you is going to seem a bit shocking, but i will try to explain as best i know how. shortly before Eric and I broke up, i met someone at work who i had a crush on from the day i met them. i never thought it would be anything more than a crush, but without realizing it, i found myself drawn to this person and wanting to get to know them. i told Eric about this person, because as we both know i can't lie to save my life! I went out with this person a few times, maybe once a week for a drink and to talk. i found myself wanting to spend more and more time together. our dates started lasting 6 and 7 hours. and at the end of the night it was torture to say goddbye. i felt like i hadn't felt since my first love. i felt completely consumed by this new person. i finally had to tell Eric that i didn't think it was going to work out for us. this was one of the saddest things i ever had to do. i broke his heart. but i do think he wasn't really looking at our problems, he was very much in denial. he didn't realized how much i had connected with this new person. this was when i realized that i was not in love with Eric, and maybe i never was. i love being in relationships and i think again i just didnt want to be alone. i am going to work on that!!! anyway, i didn't reall cheat on Eric, or maybe i did. I kissed this person a few times and found that the sexual energy between us was nothing like i had felt in years, if i had felt it at all. so Eric

 

 

 

 

wow that is some serious hurt.

shes caught in the new excitement of a new relationship and looking back on the bad parts of our relationship.

 

but still thats a lot of hurt

[spazmy]

Eric, My friend,

 

I know how you feel. WHile it is sad to see that you have in some way been able to know how she felt over the breakup, I do think it is also helpful for you - since it allows you to see how fleeting her love was. I will say that do not take everything she says in that letter to heart. For one thing, crushes and attraction are not things that you can have any power over. The problem clearly was never you - it was her. She was not prepared for a long-term relationship. At some deep level, she is in a haze where she is projecting everything that she thinks she is going through over what she actually feels. Remember, she is writing to a friend to justify her actions. She is trying to find a reason for what happened. And as she goes along, she is constructing a past for the breakup and reasons for why she is with another person.

 

She clearly is processing all this information only to have a story to tell her friends over what happened and why it happened. People do that all the time. My ex used pretty much the same logic in getting past her husband to me. And now, I am certain is using the same language in getting past me to the next person.

 

If she was genuinely working on her issues, she would be doing it alone.

 

Buddy, when people say they are breaking another person's heart, they do not know how lightly they say it. To some degree, they really do not know what they are doing. But you do. You do because you have experienced it.

 

And to give you some reassurance, all I will say is this. One day, it will occur to her that she has done something horrible. Not now, not immediately, but one day she will experience the horror of knowing the kind of person she is or makes herself when it comes to moving on.

 

If you will be strong at the time when it happens, you may find yourself by her side listening to her over the kind of things she has done in the past. If you will have the patience, you will be able to witness this first hand.

 

If you meet somebody better than her, then go for it. Let her reach the point where she is finally going to meet the demons that she is brushing under the carpet through that email. Trust me, a day will come when she meets them. And of she does not, then you should only feel pity for her. For she truly has not understood what it means to be a human being then.

 

Take heart and stay strong. She knows not what she says.

 

And STOP CHECKING HER MAIL. she is beyond you now. No need to be a part of her life. At this point in time, she is not worth it. Maybe later she will be. Righ now, you are destroying yourself every second you think of her. NOT WORTH IT at this time.