Would you do it all again if you knew then what you know now???

[Wimpy]

So, a question...It has taken me a long time to get to asking - I guess because I'm not sure of my answer yet.

 

Knowing what I now about how things turned out, in hindsight would I have got together with my ex if I could rewind the clock?

 

I believe, on the whole I now am at a stage where I can say "better to have loved and lost". I learned a lot about myself and my capacity to love from the 2 years we were together. Since he dumped me and broke my heart into a million pieces I have also learned that I can survive - although I'm not sure I want to run that risk again so I'm kinda happy being single at the moment!!!!

 

So, how's about you lot? Those of you who are going through or who have been through a painful break-up, would you do it all again??????? (get together I mean NOT break-up)

[LostInMyThoughts]

Even though I went through a real tough time, I would do it all over again. I've found a whole new sense of strength, and confidence from having gone through what I did. I'm not happy I had to do it, but I know now that I'm happier and better off for it.

 

Now would I get back with my ex wife now? Heck no, I still hate her and want to take a chainsaw to her face, GOW style.

[sjv119]

i regret wasting 6.5 years on him. so there's no way i'd get together with him if i could rewind time. it would help if he didn't have a criminal past.

[Lanterna Magica]

If I knew then what I know now, I would now know something I wish I knew back then!

 

There are no what ifs...

 

Only what is.

[treefrogkate]

I wouldn't change any of it.

 

My marriage was not pretty. I was abused throughout most of our relationship, and later found out some dark secrets my ex-husband had been hiding from me.

 

But, and here's the thing, I wouldn't be who I am right now without having gone through that. Would I be the same person that my boyfriend fell in love with, or would I be someone that he wouldn't get along with? Would I be appreciative of every little thing he does for me, or would I take him for granted?

 

I'm not happy that I wasted 6 years on a man who didn't deserve me, but in the end, the happiness I have now made it all worthwhile. Most of the time I feel like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption... like I crawled through a river of s--t and came out clean on the other side.

[JoeWho]

This is a question I find myself thinking about all the time and I just dont have an answer 4 months after the final break up. I would like to think that as time passes I will feel like it was worth all the time I spent with her even though it ended badly. This is one question that I think is probably worthless to think about though and when I catch myself thinking about it, I quickly distract myself. Whats done is done and what ifs are a waste of time!

[shes2smart]

For as much pain and drama as there'd been with the last two exes (one was a raging abusive alcoholic, one cheated on me), there were also very valuable lessons I learned from both of those relationships. Being as stubborn as I am, I doubt I would've been able to learn those lessons in any sort of easier or softer way.

 

Sometimes life has to smack you upside the head before you'll pay attention to what it's trying to teach you.

 

Those experiences, those lessons, put me in the right frame of mind and the right level of self-knowledge & mental health to be open and receptive to a the kind of relationship I have with my husband. I look back on 30 years worth of journals and I strongly believe that if I had met my husband any earlier than I did...had I met him before I had met the alcoholic or the cheater, say...I wouldn't have been ready for this relationship that I'm in now.

 

He believes the same thing about his previous relationships -- had his previous relationships not been the way they were, he wouldn't have been in a place in his life where he was single, available and ready to create this relationship with me when I happened along.

[Vynde]

You ask a good question.

 

As of the moment, I can honestly say, If I could rewind the clock, knowing what I know now.. I would not be with her.

 

Maybe Im saying that because the pain is still so very freash in my mind. You could look at it as a lesson learned or maybe the fact that it made me stronger, which is true. However, the pain, mental stress - not to mention the toll it has taken on my body..isnt worth it as far as Im concerned.

 

Like I said, it might be the hurt talking here..

 

John

[Wimpy]

You ask a good question.

 

As of the moment, I can honestly say, If I could rewind the clock, knowing what I know now.. I would not be with her.

 

Maybe Im saying that because the pain is still so very freash in my mind. You could look at it as a lesson learned or maybe the fact that it made me stronger, which is true. However, the pain, mental stress - not to mention the toll it has taken on my body..isnt worth it as far as Im concerned.

 

Like I said, it might be the hurt talking here..

 

John

 

Well for me it took a long time (try over a year) for me to even begin to think that the end heartache was worth the good times - and there were some.

 

I don't spend my time asking this quesiton constantly - just occasionally I wonder. At the end of the day what's done is done but I think that since I had no closure in the matter, getting to this point has taken me longer.

 

 

Someone said it was a question "worthless" thinking about but I don't agree. I think if you can get to a point where you can remember there were good times and however it ended you'd probably do it again, then it can help you move on.

 

Just my ramblings I guess.

 

The truth is that I'm probably thinking more about things this month as it's 2 years since my ex left this country. Little did I know when I said goodbye to him at the Airport I'd never see him again

[onelittleladybug]

If I knew what I knew now I would still do it, but do about 80% of it differently.

[rosie76]

Interesting thread.

 

I wouldn't do most of it - it changed me too much for the worse, and I feel I've wasted so much my youth, not just in youth measured in years but in youth measured in optimism and energy and engagement with things.

 

If someone asked me two years ago, though, I'd have said the exact opposite and thought knowing the man I loved and sharing the time we had was worth anything it cost me. I don't know if I feel better or worse having changed my mind about this.

[Wimpy]

If I knew what I knew now I would still do it, but do about 80% of it differently.

 

 

Good answer! I think that's probably what I'd like to think I'd do too but I wonder lol

[shes2smart]

If I knew what I knew now I would still do it, but do about 80% of it differently.

 

 

If you did it differently, you'd have a different outcome as well.

 

I suppose if you're not terribly thrilled about where you are, that might be seen as a better option, though......

[onelittleladybug]

If you did it differently, you'd have a different outcome as well.

 

I suppose if you're not terribly thrilled about where you are, that might be seen as a better option, though......

 

Well yeah thats sorta the point

 

Its only been 6 months since my breakup and I still have a lot of regrets but I want to think that I learned from all this. I think we would have made it if we had done things differently but I'm finally getting to the point of letting go and accepting the facts.

[Juha]

NO!!! Wasted 2 years with her to get thrown out like the trash...

 

Waste of my time...

[lmtl]

I'm with you ladybug, and I also would like a re-do with the ability to do some stuff differently. Otherwise, I wouldn't do it at all. I wish I had given my love & commitment to someone who was willing to return it

[mike_chppr]

Well I'm in the thick of it right now. I don't know if it is because everything is so amicable, or I have had a ton of personal growth reaching way back into my childhood, but I wouldn't change it. I imagine a day in the future finding someone who can meet my needs and me theirs. That I can have an appreciation for it, because I have a better idea of who I am and what my needs are.

 

Yes.... I would do it all over again.

 

But one of my problems is that I don't think I can be the dumper. If things are going awry, I would want to work on them rather than hurt someone else. I need to live more in the moment and not make these predictions. How about I decide that when I get there!

 

If I could do things differently, I only wish that I was more reflective of my self during the process, so I could remember more of my emotions thoughts, and hangups. Not to change them, but to accept them for who I was "in the moment."

 

mike_chppr

[meantime]

Yes, when it was good it was bliss. I am changed by the experience we shared. It is so painful now but it is like that Garth Brooks song...

 

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

 

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

 

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all

 

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

 

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

[rsxguy520]

would i do it again...Honestly....NO.

 

why!? i realize i lost 3.5 years of myself time. i lost friendships here and there. i lost the whole first 2 years of my college experience. why? cause i sacrafice my time to someone who i thought was worth it. and then they have the nerves to say we didn't show them we love them? please...

 

sometimes we take chances and sometimes it doesn't end very well. sometimes it does. now i think about it, doing this all over again, who knows what the outcome of it will be. for me it was nothing but driving to her, being with her, every chance i got. sadly i never realize i did all the work in the relationship, and she put minimal effort only because of guilt.

 

so in conclusion, do it all over again, no..

[EddieRentz]

With this one... I would do it all over again.

 

7 years that changed me and her for the better.

 

I was thrown out like trash too. I was betrayed and disrespected... I will probably have trust issues for a while with women... but I am a better man and she a better woman for having been together.

 

Truth is... I am only getting better at this point in my life, she is the one that regressed and she is the one that has a clock ticking quite loudly around her neck... so, me thinks I am not in such a bad boat right now.

 

Yeah - I'd do it all again just to experience the good times (and the bad) again. I miss her - the her that was before she decided to become someone else...

[deejay74]

good question. probably not.

 

i think things would still end up the same way even if i was the "perfect boyfriend". sometimes people are so wrapped up in themselves (as with the case of my ex) that they can't think about anyone else.

 

so that's why i say it would've ended up the same way even with the knowledge i have now.

[LilPixie]

I would. Through all the pain of his cheating and lying at the end of our relationship ...most of our 3 years were amazing.

He is what he is....unfortunately and he can never change.

 

I know that I would never take him back or even want to see him again. But I wouldn't give up all the good moments. They were real - at least for me

[Juliana]

Yes. I loved him.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I wouldn't miss out on all the fun and heart aches, plus the growth from this experience. I'd do it again, but probably with a sense of sadness knowing how it would end.

[wishiknew]

You take something out of every relationship so I would definitely do it all over again. I'm still a little messed up from the breakup, but i know that in time things will get better and I can still look back and reflect on all the happy times.