Shy Guy making me crazy

[UGA GIRL]

I recently met a guy that I am crazy about, but he is REALLY shy. Like make himself sick shy. I know he likes me, we have talked, kissed, and he has talked to his brother about it (whos girlfriend is one of my friends). He gave me his # and I called him, but he won't call me! Should I wait for him to call or call him? I don't want to run this guy off , but I am afraid things will never happen if I wait for him. please help!!!!

[isidore]

Take it from a shy man: there's nothing wrong with you calling him first. It might even boost his self-confidence and help him to not be so shy in the future. I think a lot of guys would like it if the ladies took the initiative more often. Hope this helps.

[Batya33]

It's fine to call as long as you are comfortable being in a relationship where you are the main initiator throughout. I agree that in general men like and are flattered when women take the initiative but most often (at least with respect to adult men) men do not get involved in serious relationships with women who do most of the initiating.

[Pinkbubbles]

Hey UGA GIRL,

 

I'm in a really similar situation to yours, so it isnt really my place to give you advice but I just wanted to tell you that by me reading your problem I've realized that I need to talk to my guy about what he wants, because the way its going he's not going to step up. And I dont want to see this slip away cause we were both too shy.

 

Thank you for pretty much opening my eyes and hopefully you will be able to clarify your relationship with your guy soon! Good Luck!

[UGA GIRL]

Thanks for the replies! I have always been raised traditionally that guys are suppose to call the girls and make the first move and all. I have a tendency to feel that if he REALLY likes me then he'll have gain courage to make the move.... but... his brother says it doesn't matter how much he likes me, he is too shy to initiate... he did give me his number though... so he wouldn't have done that if he didn't want me to use it!

[Batya33]

My bf when we first met - many years ago- was incredibly shy but got up the courage to ask me out. My general rule of thumb (again, for adult males) is that if they are truly interested and available they will ask you out on a proper date. if he is that shy that he cannot get up the courage to ask you to spend some time with him it could be that he is not really available for a romantic relationship. It's fine to call him this once and get the ball rolling but then I would definitely leave the ball in his court.

[UGA GIRL]

Thanks guys! He called... I had to text him first but it is still awsome that he called! I am really glad I waited

[Batya33]

Just curious - do you see a difference between you texting him and you calling him? To me it's the same - you contacted him first. I think that's fine but it sounds like you're making the point that because you didn't call he called you "first".

[MacGyverRI]

Some guys lack confidence at first and just need a boost for them to get out of neutral.

[J6hn]

I am incredibly shy.

I had no idea what to do around my girlfriend before we were together.

The first time she kissed me wasn't enough to get me out in the open. I still wasn't comfortable making the first move. It took a fair while for that.

basically she was just there to talk to each night on the phone (She called me, I loved that and I called her sometimes, or if she felt it was costing too much she'd ask if I'd call her)

She was just there to make me feel comfortable.

If you do the same thing for this guy he'll feel more like he can be himself around you, make moves without fear and be open about his feelings.

Hope that helped.

[Batya33]

Some guys lack confidence at first and just need a boost for them to get out of neutral.

 

Yes- and that is fine of course but the poster seemed to suggest that he made the first contact - it's better if she is honest that she made the first contact so that if he continues to be passive she will see that he was from the get go.

 

As far as shyness I also wanted to comment that a shy 16 year old and a shy 25 year old probably can't be treated the same as far as thinking about why or why not they don't call. Teenagers are a bit like aliens in my humble opinion and I say that with awe not as a negative!

 

Finally, given that I show interest and am warm and approachable, an (adult) man who cannot pick up the phone to call me after I give him my number I will assume either is not that interested in me or is so shy that we probably wouldn't be compatible (i.e. I've already given him the encouragement by giving him my phone number - have led the horse to water, so to speak).