The (un)attractivness of a shy person

[shy2cool]

Lets face it... how can non shys be attracted to us shy people beyond superficial things like looks. I mean initially, it's not like we are able to wow them with our great personality.

 

 

so why then, do people find shy people attractive at all?

[Portage]

Mysterious...trying to figure out what is below the surface.

[Tealc]

I think we tend to subconsciously associate shyness with certain character traits. For some, an unassuming person may be a refreshing departure from the norm.

[jenna1012]

I was shy growing up, but as I got older I started growing out of it. I never had a problem having dates...some are just intrigued by shy people, they're a mystery and they want to figure them out.

[shy2cool]

Yes, but if that were the case... I would've been on at least one date by now.

[xmrth]

That's just how it is I think. If a person is shy, they couldn't possibly be noticed from being outgoing and outspoken, and their personality is hard to get a feel for! But they can definitely show this to those who are close to them but that still depends on how much they will share. They can be noticed for being "sweet and shy," because a lot of people find those who are shy to be sweet or cute because they're so quiet; I can't explain why but it's true and I can understand that.

 

If you want to be noticed for things, you've got to show it or else nobody is going to know.

[easyguy]

Shyness is often interpreted as weak, lonely, or unengaging. When, as the case often is, a shy person sometimes has a lot of depth to their character, because they learn to observe and listen in ways a extraverted person never can. They just do not flaunt their personality in front of everyone.

[shy2cool]

In all honesty, people don't give a * * * * about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

[anggrace]

My boyfriend is very quiet. I find it refreshing to be with someone who doesnt feel the need to talk so much. I enjoy our quiet moments together. Theres alot of them! He is 33, never grew out of it. His fam is the same way. I dont mind at all. I know some people take it the wrong way, but its one of the things I love about him.

 

I do think it is harder for shy people to meet others, but thats not because others dont like you, its because your harder to get to know. It just takes more time to get to know you.

[easyguy]

In all honesty, people don't give a * * * * about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

 

That is a very bold statement.

[anggrace]

In all honesty, people don't give a * * * * about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

 

Well, you do seem a bit bitter about this. Did something in particular happen lately to make you think this?

[Tealc]

In all honesty, people don't give a * * * * about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

 

Don't say that. I was unanimously voted the shyest guy for my high school yearbook, but girls have expressed interest in me, both then and now. I'm just too far removed for the time being to turn it into something more.

[xmrth]

In all honesty, people don't give a ---- about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

 

If you think that, you've got to do something about it. You can't sit and wait for everything to come to you and for everyone to just magically "get" you.

 

And this will be harsh, but to be honest, I find most shy people to be rude. To me, I go and talk to someone and they say barely anything at all back to me like I'm wasting their quiet time alone, and yeah it comes off as rude. I have always found that it depends on how a "shy person" approaches the fact that they're shy and they're not going to do anything about it.

 

If you're having a lot of trouble because you're shy, it's because you're obviously not being very pleasant. Shy doesn't automatically mean, oh they're shy, it's okay. There's basically things like, "I'm shy, don't talk to me, EVER," and then there's "I'm shy and I know it but I'm trying to actually be a human being here and say hello."

[Tealc]

And this will be harsh, but to be honest, I find most shy people to be rude. To me, I go and talk to someone and they say barely anything at all back to me like I'm wasting their quiet time alone, and yeah it comes off as rude. I have always found that it depends on how a "shy person" approaches the fact that they're shy and they're not going to do anything about it.

 

I know exactly what you mean. But I believe it's rarely if ever the intent to make you feel like a waste of time. Those with extreme cases will clam up and say almost nothing even (especially?) if they wish to avoid coming accross as cold. I would know because I'm like that. It's nothing personal.

[shy2cool]

The thing is, I LOVE to talk to randoms. If you spoke to me, I would try to keep the conversation alive. It rarely ever happens though. I also find it very hard to even say hello. Also, some guys would be very intimidated by attractive women, so would be even shyer.

 

PS - I went to a single sex school, and then all through university was recovering from my issues of Social Anxiety.

[shy2cool]

Well, you do seem a bit bitter about this. Did something in particular happen lately to make you think this?

 

A crumbling friendship. The feeling of inadequacy.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Depends what you mean by 'shy'. I think when you get to your thirties, to be honest, you should be able to put other people at their ease, even if you're not feeling confident yourself. So you should be able to ask people questions about themselves, and force yourself to be polite. I find shy cute when someone is young, less cute when they get older - then it becomes social anxiety, and it seems they are more focused on how THEY are feeling, than about others. Just my thoughts though.

 

As for not being extrovert - I find that attractive. Someone who is quiet and not domineering will often snag my interest, still waters run deep and all that.

[shy2cool]

Depends what you mean by 'shy'. I think when you get to your thirties, to be honest, you should be able to put other people at their ease, even if you're not feeling confident yourself. So you should be able to ask people questions about themselves, and force yourself to be polite. I find shy cute when someone is young, less cute when they get older - then it becomes social anxiety, and it seems they are more focused on how THEY are feeling, than about others. Just my thoughts though.

 

As for not being extrovert - I find that attractive. Someone who is quiet and not domineering will often snag my interest, still waters run deep and all that.

 

Shy as in hard to approach, appearing very aloof in public.

[easyguy]

Perhaps you should give online dating a try.

[shy2cool]

Perhaps you should give online dating a try.

 

I would but the guys heavily out number the available girls. When girls have a choice, do you think they'd chose the shy guy or the outgoing guy with a nice car?

 

I may try again though.

[Portage]

I would choose the shy guy as long as he had a decent personality and could eventually open up and make me laugh.

 

You need to give yourself much more credit, maybe your negativity is shining through? Did you ever think of that?

[shy2cool]

I may appear to be negative here so that I can be normal outside. I'm rarely negative in the real world.

[Don_Eduardo]

In all honesty, people don't give a * * * * about shy people. I'm not a bitter person, but that's just the reality of it all.

 

What sub-group of the human race do you refer to by "people"!!!? Australians? Wake up pal, everyone is different, with different interests. And lo! shyness is one of those LOL

[Don_Eduardo]

I think, ESPECIALLY SO with shy people, you have to differentiate between their intentions and their outwardly observable social mannerisms/behaviours. Many shy people have difficulty linking the two.. Example: you don't feel [or care about] the effects of dehydration until you are dehydrated. The point is, have more empathy with these people, step into their shoes, and you'll see that intentional rudeness is more of an anomaly than a commonality!

[Don_Eduardo]

I would but the guys heavily out number the available girls. When girls have a choice, do you think they'd chose the shy guy or the outgoing guy with a nice car?

 

I may try again though.

 

You assume too much. Girls don't "choose" someone because they are shy or they have a nice car, there are other factors involved... Look beyond the mirror of your self-concept... Your style of thinking becomes your reality... Believe in yourself, have confidence and girls will come flocking!