Something suspicious is going on yet AGAIN... Young girls, etc. (Clean version!)

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Anyone that has read my threads before has a good idea of the whole story, so I'm not going into past detail to supplement my story. (It would just take forever.) If you haven't read my threads before but still wish to advise, keep an open mind and don't instantly jump to the conclusion that I'm insane and paranoid, please. This is an entirely new incident but my suspicions take root in a past incident involving the same man and young girls.

 

Okay, my fiancee's car has been broken down like, the past month. So whenever he needs a ride to the store a neighbor takes him. I've just been sitting at home rather than go to the store; I know of his history (regarding stuff he did before I came into the picture) and past of hitting on the young girls at that particular store although he denies it like all-hell, but I figured, okay, be trusting, he says he's not that person, and he's been on good behavior. So I didn't think nothing of it when he never really pressured me to come to the store with him like he used to. Probably because I'm usually like, "no, I don't feel like it."

 

 

Anyhow, the other particular night I decided to go help him pick out something for dinner, or we'd just be stuck eating frozen pizza. We went, got our stuff, was walking towards the cashiers when I noticed a short, petite, pretty young cashier staring at us MIGHTY hard with an odd look on her face. Almost like a ... peed off look. But why?

 

My man turned down the aisle on his left to grab some laundry detergent which we nearly forgot. I said, "Why was that short cute cashier staring at us reallly hard? Kinda odd, don't you think?"

 

He responded, rather annoyed, "I don't know! I don't even know who that is." I said, "You better not have been in here hitting on these girls or even trying to flirt with them. You know what happened the last time you tried hitting on a girl behind my back. I suspected everything and eventually the truth came out." He just told me basically I was paranoid.

 

Okay, maybe. That's quite feasible, being that I have a reason to be.

 

So, we got our laundry detergent and I shut my mouth and stopped questioning him. I instead watched and waited. The short, pretty girl had no customers in her line. The next girl (not so attractive) had about two. He walked right past the short girl who gave us the strange look and went to the next.

 

HMMMMM.

 

Before you assume this was purely accident, let me explain something to you about my boyfriend/fiancee/whatever. He is the world's most IMPATIENT person and he at times can be a bit "jerky". He will rush the cashiers or at least, complain in the back of the line. If there's anyone who's open, he'll rush right to them before anyone else can.

 

So why did he decide to go right past the short girl, especially when he claimed he didn't even know who it was? And why was she staring at us so hard?

 

Heh, yes I called him on it. In a way. I said, "Umm, why are you going to this girl's line when that other cashier has absolutely no people? Why did you walk right past her? Kinda strange to me." He sighed, annoyed, rolled his eyes, and said "Fine, I will go to her line then." So we went and stepped into her line, and surprise surprise.

 

Big surprise. Heh, not really.

 

The girl started smiling really big and said, "Well heyyy! How's it going? Is this your girlfriend?" She looked at me and smiled with this really huge "grin." "Did you know your boyfriend comes in here being such a (insert word beginning with a and ending with hole here.)?" This was said in a jokey, comfortable-with-the-subject (which was my man) sort of manner. He just kinda laughed (I'm sure he knew he was caught) and said "No I'm not," and was laughing and smiling right back with her. Probably trying to buy time to figure out what to tell me later. Heh.

 

She was like, "he's always coming in here acting crazy!" (or something like that.) And she started smiling again and the other cashier, then no longer busy, came up next to the girl and started smiling at him, talking to him too. Both young, teenage girls. The short girl was very attractive, she could have been anywhere from 16-18. She *might* have been legal, but it's hard to tell. She was clearly a teen, however. Surprise, surprise. He tried to tell me later on that the other girl who came over there used to be his neighbor, which is why she was friendly, but he didn't know that short girl at all.

 

I was like, "hmm, someone's being mighty friendly." And this was more of a comment directed towards him then her. I meant that if he didn't even know her and didn't know why she was staring at us so hard, then it's strange how he bypassed her line (deliberately) and the second we do come into her line, she's acting like she knows him well enough to joke with him? She thought I was trying to insult her and smiled and said, "Well it's my job to be friendly! I don't mean anything by it." And my fiancee rolled his eyes and said to the girl, "Tell her that I've never come in here hitting on you or anything like that..." She instantly shook her head (way too quickly for me) and said, "Oh no, nothing like that!" Looked away.

 

But, I think the girl was warning me somehow, or trying to let me on to the truth, or something. Because later on I thought about it and it seems to me that she was staring at us like that because she was surprised to see he had a girlfriend. Why? Maybe 'cause he'd been in there flirting with her, trying to chat with her? Maybe he wasn't dumb enough to directly hit on her (hey, let's go on a date, or hey, you look good) but obviously some sort of over-friendliness and such was going on because he's not blind and likely noticed her good looks. He can lie all he wants about not looking at other girls, but I'm really not stupid. He claims he's not like that and doesn't pay any attention to other girls, he has me and "that's enough for him, all he wants is me." Clearly not, huh?

 

 

When we got home we talked more about it (more like argued, our poor neighbor, we bickered back and forth the whole way home while she drove) and he kept denying even KNOWING HER. Kind of ridiculous being that it was proved otherwise. Then he started saying he never even went in her LINE before. Umm...

 

 

Why would anyone go to the trouble of denying such simple stuff, unless they did have something to hide? Those who remember my other threads must remember that the last time he was caught doing something, it was based upon my initial suspicions and his denials and his denial ever talking to that girl and so on, and it turned out to be oh-so-sadly-true. So I kept at it, and later he finally admitted that, "well, the other day I was joking with one of the grocery-baggers, and told him to stop being lazy, hurry up and take my groceries out, and that girl looked at me and called me an (word that begins with an A.) I just said Yeah, and? And walked out." This is his claim.

 

I must add in here that this is a revised version of this post, because it was deleted due to language. And the poster Aurian sent me the post with her observations of it, and said about this part: "Then why not say that earlier? I think he just came up with a good story. If he said it initially, I would have accepted it, but the fact he lied first before coming up with a "harmless" story tells me that this is another lie."

 

And I agree, this sounds like a good point.

 

Okay, one, why did you deny ever talking to her or even knowing who she was? Why is it that someone who's worried enough about being friendly to the customers would insult you by calling you an (word that starts with a). Clearly, when she was saying it to us (him and I) it was in a friendly way, a comfortable way. Someone who was worried about their job would know better to say that to a customer, unless she knew he'd be okay with it, and that'd be because they've been joking together before and she had gotten to know him a bit better.. you know... and felt comfortable enough to say something like that to him in a jocular manner, knowing he wouldn't get angry. Make sense?

 

I said, why didn't you mention this before? (Not that I really believed it.) He claimed it's because he "knows how I think." You know, just another way of saying I'm paranoid.

 

 

I said, umm, but why was she staring at us, and why did you deliberately go past her line when you NEVER wait? It's like you KNEW she was going to say something and get you in trouble. He claimed that after I told him she was staring at us, he didn't go to her line because "he knows how I think" and I would "think something" if he chose to go to her line.

 

Ummm...

 

But, if he deliberately avoided her line because I would think something based upon her "randomly staring at us for no reason" but he claims he doesn't even know who she is, or who she was, then how did he know to bypass her line? If he had no idea what chick I was referring to when I asked him then why she was staring at us?

 

Later on it was the same old spiel. "I Love you baby, I am not that type of guy, I would never do anything to **** up our relationship ever again, I've been on my best behavior, I want to have kids with you and marry you and grow old together, think of all the things I do for you, would I do all of that if I wanted to go get with other girls?" And blah blah.

 

The poster Aurian said that he was likely thinking with this motive in mind: "uh oh, she's mad. I know, I'll tell her some nice stuff so she'll let me off the hook again." I think so too.

 

And c'mon. I'm not that stupid. We have BEEN THROUGH ALL OF THIS BEFORE. I DON'T MISS A THING. THE LITTLEST OF THINGS, THE SUBTLEST OF THINGS, GIVE ME ENOUGH CLUES TO PIECE TOGETHER AN ENTIRE STORY. It never fails, I've always been this intuitive.

 

If he felt so pressured to act "bad" in front of guys before, what would be different this time around? Maybe the other guys (like the stockboys and bagboys, he knows all of them) were talking about that girl looking hot, and he decided to see for himself and then was trying to act cool in front of her (because she was hot.) to get noticed by her. To get the attention he craves. Because he does. Maybe she'd notice him and be attracted to him.

 

Or maybe he's noticed her anyway and while never hit on her, started acting friendly (a.k.a flirty) with her because he's attracted to her. So much for "You're the only one I want," heh.

 

 

Of course, he denies, denies, denies. Just like the last time. Why is it then, stuff always comes up?

 

Yesterday we went into that store again (I'm never letting him go in there alone if I can help it. Of course I can't prevent him from going but if I'm home and he's going to the store, then I'm going too.) he was acting suspicious yet again. This time my eyes were wide open and I made sure to observe everything. That girl wasn't in there which sucked, because I had wanted to ask her privately if he had been in here trying to talk to her. Something tells me that if he wasn't around to put her on the spot and make her fear losing her job, then she'd tell me the real deal.

 

However, when we got our grocery items, he bypassed ANOTHER cashier and went straight to a much longer line. Yet, when this guy opened his register in the middle, my man, the impatient one, flew to be the first one in that line. Yet, why did he bypass another cashier? This girl looked REALLY young, 15 at the most, maybe 16 but doubtfully, she was pretty and petite with blonde hair and really cute features. Uhhh huh. Her line was much shorter, yet he went right by her to some other girl's line, which was much shorter. Yeah, he bypassed the petite little blonde girl for the other line, which was much longer, yet BOLTED to the middle register when that guy opened. Why did he avoid that pretty girl's line? Because he knew that she might say something too? Something really friendly that would set off my suspicions?

 

Aurian said, "He could have been nervous about starting another fight by going to a girl's lineup", which could be true, EXCEPT the line he went to also had a female cashier, that one who supposedly was his ex neighbor. So either way, if he was nervous, he would have been nervous about going to that girl's line too. I think there's a specific reason why he specifically bypassed that pretty young girl's line, much like he bypassed the short pretty darkhaired girl's line the night before. She probably would have been friendly with him, because he's probably been in there being friendly and flirty with her too. And he knew that would be more evidence against him.

 

So, This could mean one of two things. One, he IS in there being flirty and friendly and charming with the girls, though harmlessly. He has a woman and he knows these little girls likely have boyfriends, but he likes the attention and likes feeling like a man, and likes showing off in front of his buddy stockboys and such. Trying to keep up his "cool" image. Though he claims he's changed. Pffft. He likely does find them attractive and flirts according to his thoughts but wouldn't actually hook up with any of them. And he knows he better avoid these certain girls he's flirty/friendly with when I'm around because I'll blow a gasket when they start talking to him and I'll start accusing him of trying to cheat, when all he's doing is flirting, which is equally bad in my book. Which, he also knows. But he still has to get his attention fix, even if it is from young, giggly, underage girls. It's insecurity.

 

Or two, he really DOES hit on some of these girls or flirts with them or has crushes on them and tries to talk to them, hoping that over time they may respond back to him and eventually he could date them?

 

 

Neither one or two would surprise me, he obviously has a thing for teen girls. Seemingly can't tell the difference. Or doesn't mind it. Just yesterday we were in the store and I went looking for something, and then went to find him. I walked up in aisle and saw an extremely pretty young girl walk by with her boyfriend (who um, goes to school with my 16 year old brother, and that girl herself I know is 15). Perfect hair, and body, and everything. Sad when an adult woman of 21 feels she has to compete with children! Anyhow, not a shocker, my boyfriend was strolling by with the cart and was looking right at her, head turned and everything, until he saw me and whipped his head back really quick. Someone who's going to be 26 in a month has no business checking out such a young girl. Of course, as always, he denied that too. Said I was crazy and all that but I SAW him. Who was he checking out, the guy? There was no one else over there. God, he must think I'm an idiot if he thinks I'll believe such a ridiculous lie.

 

 

I won't be getting any answers from him. He denies denies, denies, and lies, lies, lies. Even when caught and presented with evidence, he still lies his butt off until you manage to manipulate him and make him think the consequences of his actions won't be so bad, and then he'll tell you a half version of the truth. It's only after several months did I get the "truth" the last time, and I still don't know if that's the truth. I don't know if he really did want that girl and really did want to mess with her, or really did feel pressured into it by his bad-seed buddy.

 

So.. I have to investigate this.

 

What does everyone think?

[sophie274]

I've been reading your threads, and this is what I think.

 

I find your fiance's behavior as detailed in this post totally normal, not suspicious at all. However, clearly there have been all these incidents with young girls which are making you wonder if there may be more to the story this time.

 

I think you have to decide whether or not you can and do trust him. If you trust him, then you have to stop analyses like this of his behavior, it will do no good whatsoever.

 

However, if you decide you can't trust him, time to walk away.

 

At this point, I think you have more than enough information to make your decision. He has been violent, disrespectful, and you suspect he is flirting in a manner which would not be acceptable to you. Why then, will you not dump him?

 

If you decide to stay with him - and I don't think I would recommend that, you are both quite young and you have not been together that long, I think you deserve better - then you need to trust him. If that is impossible, again, dump him.

[Hope75]

This is a guy who disrespects you, flirts with other women, lies to you, and breaks your stuff when he pitches a fit like a child in anger. The same guy who broke your Christmas gift a week ago.

 

A guy whom you feel the need now to follow to the store because you don't trust him.

 

Why are you still with him?

 

No trust + no respect + breaking your stuff = no relationship.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Sophie24, thanks for the input. Just wondering, what do you find totally normal about his behavior? I'm puzzled. Normal to flirt with young girls, or any girls/women for that matter, when you are in a committed relationship? Or you think I'm being overly paranoid?

 

I respect your opinion, but I'm not sure how I'm overanalysing it.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

This is a guy who disrespects you, flirts with other women, lies to you, and breaks your stuff when he pitches a fit like a child in anger. The same guy who broke your Christmas gift a week ago.

 

A guy whom you feel the need now to follow to the store because you don't trust him.

 

Why are you still with him?

 

No trust + no respect + breaking your stuff = no relationship.

 

Hope75, do you think I'm being overly paranoid or my assessment of the above situation was likely correct?? Or it just was coincidence, and due to past incidents I was overly sensitive, in your opinion??

 

I'm not sure why I am still with him, other than we have a lot of fun together and laugh together at times, and love eachother. He does show more affection towards me than anyone ever has. Other than that.. I'm not sure.

[sophie274]

Well, I think a bit of friendly/polite flirting with the cashier is ok, even if she is young. You know, the jokey kind of flirting, not the "I want to get in your pants" flirting. I find people in the store, especially in the South, are very friendly, so it doesn't strike me as weird. I am 19 - and have men call me honey in stores all the time, and I don't find it lewd: IMO, they're just being friendly.

 

I just think that this behavior wouldn't concern you, IF you didn't know about all this other stuff with young girls. In light of that, I agree with Hope.

 

Disrespectful, violent, childish boyfriend + no trust = why on earth do you want to date him?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

One of my biggest questions I'm posing to everyone is, does it sound like something is going on, like he's flirting with those girls behind my back and was going to lengths to cover it up, as he's done before? Or was even going as far as to hit on them? (Why was that girl STARING at us before we even went to any register???!?) Or am I crazy??

[sophie274]

One of my biggest questions I'm posing to everyone is, does it sound like something is going on, like he's flirting with those girls behind my back and was going to lengths to cover it up, as he's done before? Or was even going as far as to hit on them? (Why was that girl STARING at us before we even went to any register???!?) Or am I crazy??

 

I think it's hard to say, because we weren't there. Maybe it was nothing and you're being totally paranoid. Maybe it was kind of strange.

 

The reality is though, you're agonizing over this. He told you it was nothing, you think it was something, and honestly you're NEVER going to know. It's a matter of trust, and imagine you life if incidents like this are going to be plaguing you!! He has violated your trust, it seems, beyond repair, so I think you should consider ending the relationship.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Well, I think a bit of friendly/polite flirting with the cashier is ok, even if she is young. You know, the jokey kind of flirting, not the "I want to get in your pants" flirting. I find people in the store, especially in the South, are very friendly, so it doesn't strike me as weird. I am 19 - and have men call me honey in stores all the time, and I don't find it lewd: IMO, they're just being friendly.

 

I just think that this behavior wouldn't concern you, IF you didn't know about all this other stuff with young girls. In light of that, I agree with Hope.

 

Disrespectful, violent, childish boyfriend + no trust = why on earth do you want to date him?

 

Personally, I think a grown man of 25 (26 in 3 weeks) would know better than to flirt with girls that are obviously minors. And I'm the type who doesn't condone my man flirting with other girls, so if he claims he doesn't, and doesn't want to, then he should respect that and not do it. I live in the south, and yes people are friendly, but I feel there's a difference between flirting and just being polite and friendly. He could be polite & friendly, (I mean, I don't want him to be rude to those girls or anything) but flirting, to me, is a definite no-no. Yes, it would concern me, even if that other stuff hadn't happened. Plus, the fact that the "minor girl" thing keeps popping up definitely concerns me. I've been a cashier before too and had many men (married, or with girlfriends) hit on me when their wives and gfs haven't been around, and I find it offensive! To me, there's a line to be drawn, and there's a clear difference (in my opinion) between flirting and being polite.

 

Also I think there's more going on then him just calling them "honey" or something.. I don't know, it's just what my intuition is telling me. Even so, a man his age should know better than to talk to an underage girl in this way. Why would he want to??

 

Sorry, I'm on a typing roll here. I'm not ranting at you or anything. Again thanks for the input.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I think it's hard to say, because we weren't there. Maybe it was nothing and you're being totally paranoid. Maybe it was kind of strange.

 

The reality is though, you're agonizing over this. He told you it was nothing, you think it was something, and honestly you're NEVER going to know. It's a matter of trust, and imagine you life if incidents like this are going to be plaguing you!! He has violated your trust, it seems, beyond repair, so I think you should consider ending the relationship.

 

I'll know if I go talk to those girls, heheh. When he's not around to intimidate and put them on the spot, then they might be more willing to talk. Especially if I'm sugary sweet, which I will be because they've done nothing wrong (as far as I know.)

 

People on here keep telling me I should end the relationship but that's a really hard thing to do, and something I would like to avoid having to do, but I do want all this stuff to stop, and I want to be able to trust him and have all of our old issues resolved, but that's something that will probably only happen with counseling, which he refuses to do because it's so costly.

[Hope75]

As for this situation- yes I believe he is flirting with them. He's done it before and he already shows with the way he treats you that he does not respect you.

 

But I think this is the least of your problems with him. This guy has an off the hook temper, he has broken your things and yelled at you, you are fighting him a lot, you obviously don't trust him (with good reason) and yet the only thing you seem to be focusing on is this one incident.

 

It is like you cannot see the forest for the trees.

 

What about everything else that's going on?

 

Do you honestly, deep down, think it is a good idea to marry someone who lies to you, treats you with disrespect, acts like a spoilt child, and breaks your things when he is mad?

[sophie274]

Well, I think it's a fine line, and maybe he has a slightly different perception than you have.

 

But ok, and I keep going back to the same point, does it even matter what his intention was? The fact is, this bothered you, and it's going to keep on bothering you. You say you've told him this behavior is unacceptable, and apparently he's not adhering to the rules, so what are you going to do? Yell at him? Follow him around every time he leaves the house? That's not a way to live.

 

He may treat you better than anyone ever has, but trust me, you will find someone who treats you better.

[annie24]

Here's another vote for DTMFA. (Dump the MF Already)

[DN]

I think you know deep inside that you should leave him. But posting on here vents your feelings and allows you to avoid that reality.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

As for this situation- yes I believe he is flirting with them. He's done it before and he already shows with the way he treats you that he does not respect you.

 

But I think this is the least of your problems with him. This guy has an off the hook temper, he has broken your things and yelled at you, you are fighting him a lot, you obviously don't trust him (with good reason) and yet the only thing you seem to be focusing on is this one incident.

 

It is like you cannot see the forest for the trees.

 

What about everything else that's going on?

 

Do you honestly, deep down, think it is a good idea to marry someone who lies to you, treats you with disrespect, acts like a spoilt child, and breaks your things when he is mad?

 

Well, the other incidents are always on my mind too. I only focused on this particular incident today because it's a fresh incident, and if I posted all-in-one it would be too much of a jumbled mess. I see what you mean though. It's more of a ..."and here we go again..." sort of situation, as in problem piled upon problem situation. I see the forest for the trees (at least I hope so. Maybe I really don't. I'm very confused, the more I think of things the more complex it becomes, and the more 'what ifs' there are.) I just don't know how to handle the situation or what to do, without the ultimate "leave him" sort of thing. I think I'd rather be yelled at and have my things broke then have him flirt with other girls or cheat. . or something. I don't know. At least when he's angry at me it's because he's being paranoid or controlling and it involves 'me'. When other girls come into play, it's a big betrayal. He does break stuff and gets into rages but never has ever verbally abused me. And it bothers me that he seems to find young girls so appealing. I find that so morally wrong; that's something I'm very much against. The other stuff, like yelling and breaking stuff, well I've seen that sort of thing my entire life and while it sucks, it's not so out of the norm for me.

[Hope75]

I just don't know how to handle the situation or what to do, without the ultimate "leave him" sort of thing. I think I'd rather be yelled at and have my things broke then have him flirt with other girls or cheat. . or something. I don't know. At least when he's angry at me it's because he's being paranoid or controlling and it involves 'me'. When other girls come into play, it's a big betrayal. He does break stuff and gets into rages but never has ever verbally abused me. And it bothers me that he seems to find young girls so appealing. I find that so morally wrong; that's something I'm very much against. The other stuff, like yelling and breaking stuff, well I've seen that sort of thing my entire life and while it sucks, it's not so out of the norm for me.

 

The best thing you could do for yourself is to leave him.

 

A guy like this does not show you love or respect... and you staying with him- no matter what you say to him to the contrary, shows him that you accept this behaviour. He isn't going to change- he sees no reason to.

 

Do you honestly want to live your life like this?

 

Trust me when I say that a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship is NOTHING like the one you are in, and if you had a taste of one, you would be appalled that you ever accepted a sub-standard relationship like the one you are in.

 

You deserve a good man who shows you with his actions that he loves and respects you- but you are sadly not going to get that unless you walk away from the man who shows you that he does not.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Well, I think it's a fine line, and maybe he has a slightly different perception than you have.

 

But ok, and I keep going back to the same point, does it even matter what his intention was? The fact is, this bothered you, and it's going to keep on bothering you. You say you've told him this behavior is unacceptable, and apparently he's not adhering to the rules, so what are you going to do? Yell at him? Follow him around every time he leaves the house? That's not a way to live.

 

He may treat you better than anyone ever has, but trust me, you will find someone who treats you better.

 

He keeps on denying it though, which makes me doubt it slightly, but at the same time...

 

Then I think if I do go out and find someone better, I'd screwed up by not letting a person prove they can change.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

annie24:

 

Here's another vote for DTMFA. (Dump the MF Already)

 

Easier said then done, but appreciate the vote.

 

 

 

DN:

 

 

I think you know deep inside that you should leave him. But posting on here vents your feelings and allows you to avoid that reality.

 

Yes, it is a medium for venting. I'm also unsure of the answers, so I post here so someone can give me one.. or hopefully tell me that I'm wrong, or overreacting, or paranoid. This never seems to be the case, so I guess that's my answer..

[Hope75]

He keeps on denying it though, which makes me doubt it slightly, but at the same time...

 

Then I think if I do go out and find someone better, I'd screwed up by not letting a person prove they can change.

 

The idea behind a healthy relationship is that you accept and love the person for who they are, and that feeling is mutual.

 

Your guy clearly does not respect you- and yet you are settling for something that is not love-because you are afraid you won't give him a chance to change?

 

Honey, he does not want to change. He is who he is- he has no motivation to change, and you accepting the way he treats you just shows him that its perfectly fine (even when you tell him it's not because you don't DO anything about it- you just stay and accept it ultimately).

 

You should not have to wait around to see if a guy will change and treat you properly. His behaviour in all aspects is unacceptable and a clear indication of lack of love, respect and consideration.

 

But it will only change when you change the situation by leaving.

 

I'm sad that you think this is OK.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

No, I don't want to live like this. It's.. not fun. It's more stressful and depressing.

 

Everytime I'm convinced I should leave, like everyone says, then he always manage to convince me that I shouldn't. Then the cycle continues, where everything is fine, but then I have doubts again, and then a big blow up occurs, and I want to leave, and then he panics and cries and begs me not to, and convinces me we can work things out. Yet, we haven't, because it seems every few months or so something new & interesting adds to the development of the story.

[SarahRose]

He is showing you his true self and that is not going to change. You aren't even married to him and you don't trust him and are on edge from his sneaking around. The other things he has done to you shows his disrespect for you.

 

WYSIWYG

 

Another vote for DTMFA

[pregnantkitty_1985]

It's not that I think it's okay, it's just that it's hard to want to leave, and even harder to leave. I can't explain why. I don't really know. It's complicated and though I know logically I should leave and have every right to, it's just impossible to actually do. I am one of those types who can't let go, of anything.

 

I know that staying shows him it's perfectly fine to do what he does, but at the same time I wonder if a person with at least some sort of conscience would realize how much stress it puts on someone and would feel bad about it, and make a change. Wishful thinking..? Idealistic hopefulness of a reality that is not possible? Probably.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

He is showing you his true self and that is not going to change. You aren't even married to him and you don't trust him and are on edge from his sneaking around. The other things he has done to you shows his disrespect for you.

 

WYSIWYG

 

Another vote for DTMFA

 

What's WYSIWYG?

 

Heh, you're right. I don't even know how I could walk down the aisle to someone who makes me this distrustful.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I think what DN said is pretty much the ultimate truth. I know I should leave but don't, and just vent on this website and probably will never leave and will probably be on this website forever posting about the next bad thing he's done, while the solution is simple: it's to leave, but I likely won't and will just avoiding the reality by staying in a bad situation and griping on the internet.

[annie24]

WYSIWYG = What you see is what you get.

 

why not break the cycle, leave him, so that you don't post for the next 50 years about some girl he is flirting with, or what thing he recently broke? If you continue to stay with him though, how do you know you will be alive, that he won't hurt you? Hope posted before that her ex would throw stuff and some of it would hit her, either on accident or on purpose. Stuff can start being hurled at your way also, either intentionally or unintentionally.