Too quiet to hang onto a woman!

[Buttermaker]

This is getting ridiculous...

 

I finally got over a woman that I dated for 3 months. A month later, I met someone else. She was awesome. Talkative, upbeat, very attractive, fun to be around. She did have a lot of baggage (3 small children), going through a divorce (still lives with ex), lives 45 minutes from me and believe it or not... way too sexual for me! Into our second date, she was already offering to give me oral sex in the car. I actually turned her down cause I really didn't know her that well and it was very awkward. I know most guys would have jumped at the chance... and I did on the 3rd date

 

Anyway, I know that she is into me, thinks I am sweet, attractive and IM's me on MSN every chance she gets. Keep in mind, we only met a week or so ago. Christmas Day, she was over at her parents place and was IM me every chance she got. She wanted to meet me later on at her house, since the kids were gone for the night and she was hinting for me to spend the night. I thought it would be a great night. I showed up at her parents to pick her up (got lost once because I wrote the directions wrong) and it was late 11:00pm. She got in the car, was happy to see me and gave me a kiss. I then mentioned that I got lost and joked about bad directions... and she seriously took offence to that! She thought I was giving her crap about the directions, when I was joking. Then 2 minutes later, she made a comment to me about my driving and I took offence to that. It was a 20 minute drive and there was complete silence the whole time! She was actually pouting. Finally, we got to her place and she stormed out of the car and walked to her front door with out me. I thought it was kind of ignorant. She didn't even offer to take my coat when I came in. I had a seat on the couch, hoping she would sit next to me... I was wrong. She sat on a love seat by her self and pouted some more. At this point, I was going to walk out and drive home, but I didn't want to me a jerk. We sat apart for an hour and a half, with little talking, if any! I could tell she was really put off with that. She was also starting to sleep. When she did wake up, she was angry because I wasn't talking to her. It also felt like she didn't even want me there. Just 2 hours earlier, she was all excited to see me, IM me every hour, writing xoxoxox on her IM's and then this happens! Finally she said she was going to bed and ask what I was going to do. I then said, I dunno, just watch TV I guess. Then she got mad and said no, cause she didn't want to leave me alone up there cause she didn't know me well enough. That I can understand, but she invited me to spend the night earlier! As soon as I said I should leave then, she ran to the door and opened it for me. Even getting a hug/kiss from her was like pulling teeth! I was puzzled during the whole drive home and had problems sleeping.

 

Finally today at 2:00pm, she gets on MSN. She is very upset at the fact that I do not talk enough. We have known each other only a week, seen each other in person 4 times including last night. The times that we have seen eachother has been 2 times in a movie theater, 1 time at my house being intimate and last night which was a nightmare. We have only talked on the phone 2 times and I have had good communication with her on there. In person, I am ALWAYS shy and quiet when I first meet someone. I always tell them that upfront, so they don't take it personal. So she gets on MSN today and tells me that she can't be with someone that is quiet and she can't be the one to carry the conversation. Things were going great up until last night! Yes, I was quiet, but I didn't sit there like a bump on a log before when we seen each other. I can't believe how everything changed because I am quiet. I always complimented her, sent her ecards, paid for the movies, spent time with her. She even said that she thought I was the greatest. And because I am quiet, that all changed. She was actually in panic mode because there was no talking. Are some people so obsessed with constant communication, that they are willing to dump someone after a week because of it?

 

This is not the first time that this has happened to me. I have meet people before and things will ALWAYS start off great. Chat on the computer, phone, no problem. In person, I get a little quiet and shy at first and the woman I am with thinks it's the worst thing in the world! I have met some women, that were patient, got through that and things worked out great. I opened up and talked their ears off. Then there is some women, that think it's the end of the world, cause I get a little quiet and would rather break up with me right away cause they can't take it.

 

To me, some people need someone to talk their ears off. It's like a security blanket. With out that, they get uncomfortable and out of place. Because I don't talk enough at first, many women disappear because they feel uncomfortable. How am I suppose to change that? Write a script and memorize it when I am with someone for the first time? It's actually getting frustrating trying to date when the woman thinks I am too quiet for her.

[Boughs]

women tend to like to be "asked" things a lot. They like to belt out how good they looked when and what they did here and there. Just question them till they tell you everything. then they'll start asking you in return... and you can give the info you wish to give.

 

Ask ask ask ask aska skaskaskaskask, even if you don't care what they have to say. Always ask.

[dogheadma]

Sounds like this girl will only cause you trouble and pain. The fact that you had such a silly argument over nothing and the way she acted during it is a huge red flag.

 

The fact that she is very clearly telling you that she dosen't like how much you don't talk enough for her seems to be a clear sign that the two of you will not be compatible.

 

Cut your losses now, find someone who accepts you for you, not someone who is so inconsiderate as to randomly change her mood or opinion about you without even thinking about your feelings.

 

My advice for you in this situation is to look out for yourself and get while the getting is good.

[Buttermaker]

I don't even know what to ask them. A few months ago, I was going to chat with some woman on the phone, so I wrote down everything in advance. I didn't want them to panic because there was 5 seconds of silence. While I was asking the questions, she commented on how it felt like a job interview. To me, how am I suppose to ask something, if I don't know what to ask?? lol Finally, we ended up being on the phone for 1/2 hour in COMPLETE SILENCE! All we could hear was each other breathe. Finally she said that she had to go to bed and I never heard from her again.

 

As far as that other woman that I wrote about, I just got off MSN with her and she is still hung up on me being silent for 1 night. She can't get past that, no matter what I said to her. Finally I said to her that it feels like she doesn't want anything to do with me now. She then commented on how she would like to take it slow now. She went from being all over me from the first day we met, to taking it slow cause I was quiet. So now I feel like I am on probation with her to see if I can pass the conversation test. I honestly don't know how I get involved with these women. I wish that we would have taken it slow to begin with. I never had a woman offer oral sex and kiss me the way she did on the second date before. Then, get offended when I was quiet for one night. That is strange!

 

I do agree with you, dogheadma... I should find someone that will accept me for who I am. I shouldn't have to put on an act or change because of someone. It just amazes me on how some people are so focussed on talking, that nothing else matters. I will keep chatting with her on MSN for now and see how it goes, but I will keep my options open for something better, that's forsure.

[elithepi]

Know current events. It's a talking point.

Politics-lets you know where they stand.

Science-You can come accross as smart and brainy, my ex was impressed when I knew when the shuttle was launching and I made her watch it with me on tv.

Health-You can discover what they eat and if they exercise and go from there.

Play a game, cards, boggle, yahtzee...it eases the tention and provides for some laughter.

Talk about benine things at first, feel the girl's mind out.

Personally, IMO, I think this girl is a bit too much. Getting bent out of shape and holding on to it all the way to the house and it being at her house, you were her guest and she should have been initiating conversation if things got awkward.

I wouldn't put up with the pouting. You barely know this girl and it seems that she may like drama.

Why is she getting divorced?

[Buttermaker]

She is getting divorced after 8 years (last 2 she has been separated) because she said her husband is a bum. Doesn't get off his * * * to do anything around the house and for most of the marriage, was not intimate enough.

 

This woman is extremely sexual. She mentioned to me that sex is on her mind 24/7. Her ex didn't do anything for her, so she got out. Because she is that sexual and we don't know each other that well, it kind of scared me a little. I would rather get to know someone for a while, be in a serious relationship, then be intimate. So it was a little bothersome, but I did enjoy the affection - don't get me wrong

 

She is a little too much... she got bent out of shape over nothing! I was amazed by that. I agree, I was a guest and she made no effort to make me feel comfortable. Sitting by herself pouting all night was a sad sight. She did mention that she has enough drama in her life, because of kids/ex and what ever and that she does not need more. I don't know why she had to carry on the way she did last night.

 

I can expect this from a woman in her early-mid 20's, cause I have seen that trend before when it comes to talking being the most important thing, but she is 31.

[saint_saul]

I don't like it when I meet a guy for a first time and he is quiet, just because it makes the situation 10x more awkward than it could be. It's not necessarily your fault, though -- the first time I spent time alone with my ex b/f, we didn't have anything to say to eachother. Afterwards, I was contemplating dropping him (just like she was/is) because a relationship seemed really incompatible. But we stuck through it, and it obviously worked (just like you said).

 

It's sounds like this woman needs to take things A LOT more slower, physically and emotionally. Maybe she's just pent up because of the divorce and whatnot, but you're a human, too, and relationships take time. It sounds like you already have everything figured out so use your best discretion.

[Buttermaker]

Is it just women that don't like quiet people that they meet or are dating? Me, personally, I couldn't care less if she is quiet or not. To me, that's just being shy and they will open up when they are ready. It's not awkward for me at all. The way I look at it is that MOST women I meet, LOVE to talk. If I also talked alot, then it would be too much. It makes more sense if one is a little quiet and the other one is comfortable talking. It seems to balance out.

 

See... I wish that more women were like you, saint saul... stick by the guy to see where it goes. I think it's sad when someone says that I am too quiet, then ignores all the other great qualities that I do have and then leave. People are too impatient when it comes to dating/relationships I find. And when something bothers them, instead of talking about it and trying to work it out, they dump that person. That's what gets to me.

 

But that women does need to take it slow. She came on so fast in this past week, I knew it would come to a hault sooner or later. She told me that she has a lot on her plate right now, she never should have came out of the gate so fast. I would prefer to be friends at first, then see where it goes. Now we have to start all over again and it's going to be a struggle to make anything work now.