Either You're Married or Single

[Calvin5]

What amazes me the most about this society (United States) is how loyal and committed NON-MARRIED people seem to be to eachother now a days.

 

I mention the U.S. because that where I live and I see more of a problem with that here than in Canada.

 

What happened to the days of free sex and social liberation back in the 60s that I heard so much about?

 

 

 

It seems to me that married people are doing more screwing around with more partners than single people who are ooooooh soooooo committed to their little "boyfriends" and "girlfriends".

 

If you love a woman or man so much you can't stand to see them with anyone else, then marry them and get it over with....

 

But if you're not married, then don't act like it.

 

 

If you're free....be free....you should be able to date and sleep with whomever you like until you find someone worth settling down with and marrying.

[hosswhispra]

If you're free....be free....you should be able to date and sleep with whomever you like until you find someone worth settling down with and marrying.

 

Maybe these people worry about sexually transmitted diseases (HIV, genital herpes, HPV, syphillis, gonorrhea, chlamydia) in addition to unwanted pregnancies.

[applepie]

With over 50% of US marriages ending in divorce, why would anyone want to get married?

 

It's something you should be completely sure of and not rush into, simply because you think you're in love. It should happen after the cooling off period if you think it's going to last.

[Portage]

Many couples don't feel the need for that piece of paper. Some couples try harder when they know they don't have that contract to bind them. They don't (not all) take that partner for granted.

 

I see nothing at all wrong with such an arrangement. Actually, i never plan on getting married again, though, i plan on committing myself in a long term relationship down the road.

[Calvin5]

Hosswhispra

 

Maybe these people worry about sexually transmitted diseases (HIV, genital herpes, HPV, syphillis, gonorrhea, chlamydia) in addition to unwanted pregnancies.

You can get all that even when you're committed to one person...especially if THEY'RE running around on you.

 

It seeems to me that people are just making up unnecessary restrictions on themselves, then stressing over them.

 

 

 

 

Applepie

 

With over 50% of US marriages ending in divorce, why would anyone want to get married?

That's what I'm saying.

Unless it's for some sort of religious or moral reason, why even get married OR commit yourself to one person?

 

Promising to commit yourself to one person is worse than marriage in my opinion because it's really not necessary.

 

A lot of people want to have thier cake and eat it to.

They don't love someone enough to marry them, but they don't want to see anyone else with them.

 

Just be honest about your intentions and behavior.

[Portage]

And most humans want that connection with just ONE person. Forgot to add that earlier. Doesn't mean they want marriage, just a committed relationship.

[Dako]

People stay together by choice. Committment to each other is independent of a legal contract.

 

I was around during the freewheeling 60s and 70s when sex was so casual, and wasn't so keen on it. Forget the risk of disease, and you find heartbreak, unwanted children and a lack of respect for each other.

 

Far out and groovy.

[cc2006]

Promising to commit yourself to one person is worse than marriage in my opinion because it's really not necessary.

 

Yes, that is your opinion. One I do not share in the least.

 

A lot of people want to have thier cake and eat it to.

They don't love someone enough to marry them, but they don't want to see anyone else with them.

 

I'm not rushing out to marry someone because I don't have religious or moral reasons to do so, as you mentioned. That does NOT mean, though, that I do not love someone 'enough' if I do not marry them. I am fully capable of loving someone with every fiber of my being without feeling the need or desire to marry them.

 

I do not see a relationship as having to follow the: Meet, love, move in, marry, children - pattern with required amounts of love before you can move to the next step that MUST be in order.

 

I believe in commitment, but not in marriage. I don't expect everyone to think as I do (especially women around my age, obviously) but I'll find someone sooner or later I hope.

 

Just be honest about your intentions and behavior.

 

I am. I am always honest, to a fault usually. My problem lies in the fact that I usually meet women with the attitude you express in your posts ... who feel that after ____ amount of time we HAVE to move in together or I'm "Just not that into them" ... and if I don't propose in ____ months then I'm "not that into them".

 

I'm SOOOO sick of the preconcieved notions of love, and relationships, and timelines, that BS books on relationships make 100 times worse.

 

 

Sorry ... got off on a tirade there.

 

Anyway ... have a good one

[Dako]

They don't love someone enough to marry them, but they don't want to see anyone else with them.

 

You're making an assumption right there about love and marriage.

You can be totally in love with someone and not want marriage.

Conversely, loveless marriages aren't uncommon.

[Skippy]

it's called principle and morals.

People just chooses to the loyal to the person they are currently with, there is nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you ave a different set of principles here.

What i think irriates you here is that you cant accept other peoples chooises on being loyal tp the person they are currently with. Did you get rejected by someone that is attached??

[RayKay]

A commitment does not come magically with a piece of paper. It comes BEFORE you ever take your vows. I certainly would not marry someone whom was not showing a commitment to me before we got married, thinking that marriage would change it.

 

Why does it matter what others believe in and practice if it has no effect on you whatsoever in terms of how you live your own life? Your principles are your own right to have, of course, but it does not mean that others are fooling themselves for believing in a different set.

 

I certainly do not see that commitment as "restraining", and have had experience and exposure with some very healthy long term commitments -both married and unmarried - where mutual respect, love and support have been nourishing rather than draining.

 

As for what put a damper on free sex and liberation? Well HIV for one. Many people here are not old enough to remember the fears that created, but many I am sure can. Realization free sex did not come without a price. And I certainly do see many whom still do believe in that, does not mean it is for everyone, just as it was not for everyone back then either.

[insofar]

Commitment != marriage.

 

And if a couple wants to remain committed without getting married, so be it. Don't try to impose your world view on others.

[Mandoro]

Since I am a simple thinker and I haven't seen it put this way yet Ill do it.

 

What happened during the sixties and seventies was the theme of those days. What you talk of is now the theme of these days. Sure it may not seem right, but I am sure there were some people during the 60s and 70s that didn't like what happened then either.

[Dako]

Commitment != marriage.

 

If that's true, then marriage = committment.

I maintain it doesn't, because half end in divorce.

The ones that stay together choose to.

[Calvin5]

Actually the original definition of marriage WAS commitment.

 

It was a social commitment that later became a legal and religious one, but it still demanded that both parties remain faithful to eachother.

 

You declared before the entire society that you and the other person were a couple and that your relationship should not be violated....or else.

 

Now you have women expecting one thing, men expecting something else.....and then both get disappointed when one doesn't behave in the relationship the way THEY think the other should.

Organized confusion.

 

 

Why not just have sex with whoever you want when you want UNTIL you're ready to settle down?

 

Those same "values" you use to justify not getting married should justify you being able to sleep with however many women and men you want without having a guilt complex.

 

 

Don't use STDs as an excuse, hell.....humans have been having sex for thousands of years and if that was the cause of STDs then everyone would have been infected by now.

 

Most STDs....like all other diseases (although spread by sex) are actually CAUSED by either biological warfare or improper hygiene.

 

 

 

 

The only arguments I see against two people who really love eachother getting married is if their are some sort of financial difficulties like the threat of ones social security/disablity check being cut off.

 

Also, this society makes it so hard for people to get divorces now, a lot of people avoid the paperwork of being legally married for that reason.

 

Other than that, people just want to have thier cake and eat it too.

They want the right to have a person exclusively all to themselves but they don't want to commit all the way to them or accept the responsiblities that go along with that committment.

[Dako]

Calvin,

 

So society is inconsistant and hypocritical.

I fit right in, being human myself.

 

How about you?

[insofar]

If that's true, then marriage = committment.

I maintain it doesn't, because half end in divorce.

The ones that stay together choose to.

!= means not equal to, sorry if I confused anyone. As for your comment, I don't think I ever said or implied that marriage meant commitment (though I think commitment should be a precursor to marriage). I just think if people want to be committed to each other and not get married, let them, they're not harming anyone.

[Dako]

Sorry, I thought typo.

[Calvin5]

Dako

 

I'm human but I try not to be inconsistant when I know it.

Especially when there's no need to be.

 

This society imposes too many unnecessary rules on itself in my opinion.

 

For example, it's OK for an older man to date young women but for a young man to hit on or flirt with an older woman seems "odd" and off limits as if you should be ashamed to do it.

 

I've seen a lot of sexy old women I wouldn't mind "getting with"...lol.

 

 

Infact, I think I might start a thread on it.

[Dako]

Calvin,

 

I understand finding older women attractive, but don't know what would be the problem with it. I have a married friend about 20 years older than me who's very sexy. What would be the social pressure? I know a few couples with older women.

 

I have a motto an old gay friend told me when I was considering a vasectomy in my early 20s. "Nobody really cares what you do." I got clipped, and he was right. Despite all the talk about society's norms, no one really is that interested in what others do if it doesn't affect them.

[cc2006]

Actually the original definition of marriage WAS commitment.

 

Actually marriage was a property transfer. The father would basically transfer ownership of his daughter to the would-be husband. Some places on the planet never moved beyond that either, and still practice it that way today.

 

Why not just have sex with whoever you want when you want UNTIL you're ready to settle down?

 

You can, if you want. So can I, if I want. I don't want to.

 

Those same "values" you use to justify not getting married should justify you being able to sleep with however many women and men you want without having a guilt complex.

 

I don't want to get married because I don't feel it is right for me. I don't believe in it like others do. If they want to then good for them, I'll bring a gift and have fun at the party. I don't wanna' so I don't hafta' though.

 

Don't use STDs as an excuse, hell.....humans have been having sex for thousands of years and if that was the cause of STDs then everyone would have been infected by now.

 

Correct, and STDs have existed forever as well. Thing is, medical science just started making breakthroughs enough to actually diagnose these things within the last hundred years.

 

Notice how it seems like everyone contracts some form of cancer lately? Well, cancer has been around forever ... they just never knew what it was before. Back 100 years ago it was normal if someone just tipped over and died at 30. Everyone was lumped into a very slim number of known diseases.

 

 

Most STDs....like all other diseases (although spread by sex) are actually CAUSED by either biological warfare or improper hygiene.

 

I hadn't heard that. Last paper I read about them stated it was unknown where they came from but it was speculated they evolved from common viruses and bacterial infections that have existed for eons. Again ... if science hasn't progressed far enough to diagnose something then they can't tag a name on it and tell people to watch out for it.

 

 

The only arguments I see against two people who really love eachother getting married is if their are some sort of financial difficulties like the threat of ones social security/disablity check being cut off.

 

I almost feel like you're trying to instill your will upon the world. lol. Just because YOU only see one argument for people not to get married doesn't mean only one exists.

 

I loved my ex very much, and she wants to get married before she turns 30. I was standing in her way, I guess, because I did not want to get married. I felt that rushing into that would be insanity ... because of all the differences we had and problems that were between us. Because we both loved each other should we have gotten married? That'd have been a mess.

 

Also, this society makes it so hard for people to get divorces now, a lot of people avoid the paperwork of being legally married for that reason.

 

I haven't heard it was hard to get a divorce. I know quite a few people that have had them and never complained about how hard it was.

 

Other than that, people just want to have thier cake and eat it too.

They want the right to have a person exclusively all to themselves but they don't want to commit all the way to them or accept the responsiblities that go along with that committment.

 

I commit without marriage. I personally commit far more than some married people I've known without getting married.

 

I dunno' why I even bother trying to respond though .. seems like your mind is made up. Your way is the right way and I'm silly to not follow it. Sure cures the boredom I'm having sittin' here alone right now though

[Dako]

I dunno' why I even bother trying to respond though .. seems like your mind is made up. Your way is the right way and I'm silly to not follow it. Sure cures the boredom I'm having sittin' here alone right now though

 

Kudos for a reasonable post that entertained me while I'm sitting here alone.

[Calvin5]

I don't have a problem with people who don't want to get married.

 

I'm not married.......

 

My problem is with people who don't want to get married but expect for thier partners to remain exclusively with THEM.

 

If you're not married to a person, why get angry and hurt if they decide to sleep around?

[Daligal83]

A relationship is a form of commitment too. If you truly love someone (but aren't married for one reason or another), how could you not get upset if they were with someone else? I trust my boyfriend to be committed to me and not sleep around, but I'm not rushing to get married because we are young and haven't been together long enough. I don't see anything wrong with expecting that of him and for him to expect that of me.

 

Why do you feel it's necessary to sleep around? Why do you HAVE to sleep around if you're not married? Maybe some people don't want to go around having casual sex if they are not in a relationship or not married. Either way, it's not your position to judge others of their decisons. If you are in a relationship and want to sleep around before you get married, make sure to tell your partner that.

 

Oh, your thing about "having their cake and eating it too"...I see sleeping around while in a relationship as fitting into that category. To me that says, you want the stability of having someone there consistently and knowing they care for you, but also be able to sleep with whoever you want.

[Calvin5]

Daligal

 

So in other words you want to make up your OWN rules and expect other's to play by them?

 

That's what I'm hearing.........