How can I tell?

[cute_and_heavenly]

Ok my husband is best friends with this girl....since birth. And I literally mean they have been friends since birth. He's mom and her mom were best friends, got pregnant together and he and her are only a few days apart. Well anyways, we have been married for 4 years and been together for 5 I have seen her a couple of times. She was married and has two kids and we saw her twice a year at her kids birthday parties and that was it. Her and her husband have gotten a divorce and now all of a sudden my husband calls her all the time. My husband works nights and he use to call me all the time and just talk about anything. And I received our cell phone bill the other day and noticed that he has been calling her before he calls me and then when he calls me he talks maybe 10 minutes and says he has to go....when our cell phone bill indicates he has talked to her for like an hour. I just dont understand why they are talking so much now when they never have before. I confronted him about yesterday which lead into this huge fight and he told me that was the only friend in the world he has. I asked him what he would do if I made him choose between me and her (which I wouldnt do) and he said that is a chose he would never make.....which made me start to wonder does he care more for her than me? I mean should I be worried that there is more than friendship going on or not?

 

 

And one more thing they have never dated while growing up....they have always been friends. I asked him if they ever even tried to date and he said no. So then I think to myself well why now? But I just have this feeling that there is more than friendship going on here......or maybe Im just paranoid. Someone please give me some advice.

[luvursmile]

I think its just paranoia. Shes just a friend, it seems. Would you feel differently is this friend was a man?

[dnozzle]

I wouldn't be worried, but I would be watchful. They have been friends all their lives, and her life has just been turned upside down. Of course she is going to need to talk to her best friend about it. She needs that support system right now. She needs his shoulder to cry on.

 

The thing to be watchful for is if he starts to withdraw too much emotionally. I think that some withdrawl is natural, because he is talking with her about some very unpleasant stuff. But if he starts to disappear for periods of time, or loses interest in sex, or stops showing any form of affection, that would be a red flag to me.

 

I do think that your question about who he would choose was unfair, and I wouldn't have answered it either. He knew her long before he met you, and you knew this before you married him. It is not fair for you to ask him to give up a friendship like that, in my opinion. I am very good friends with a woman I dated briefly before we decided we were not good together. She is my very best friend, has been for years, and always will be. She is part of the package with me. We only see each other about once a year, in public places, with our significant others. I talk to her via email or chat at least twice a month, and we talk about many different things, including our relationships. We are a support system to each other, and keep each other grounded when we lose our heads in a relationship, or in life. I love her dearly, as a friend. Yet through all these years, I have never once, not once, ever considered getting back together with her or even sleeping with her again, even when we were both single and available. We were just much better as friends, and we both know it.

 

I hope this helps.

[starlight]

I don't think he's having an affair, but I have to wonder why he see's her as his best friend and not you????

[kittysaysmeow]

I don't think he's having an affair, but I have to wonder why he see's her as his best friend and not you????

 

I don't think couples need to be best friends at all. In fact, they shouldn't be. Best friends are supposed to be someone outside of your personal life that you can talk to.

 

It doesn't sound like he's having an affair.

[yeawutever]

Nothing wrong with your husband having a long time friend from early infancy. Instead of being so confrontational and jealous ask him how he would feel if the tables were reverse (if you were to have a long time male friend that is)?

[Rabican]

chances are they are just friends... that would be sort of odd to have a friend for THAT LONG and then try to take it to another level... not that it couldnt happen... but still.

 

Where I would be pissed, is him shortening your calls, telling you he has to go, and then spending hours on the phone with her. She should be a supplement to his life with you, not the focus of his life. When friends start taking priority over the signifigant other (regularly) thats a problem.

[keenan]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that he may be working through a bit of a crush. If he's recently rekindled a friendship with a lonely woman who knows and understands him...if they're talking about relationship issues (as they likely are, since she's recently divorced)...if he's feeling at all under-appreciated in the context of your relationship...it's possible that he's going through a phase. I wouldn't panic and escalate the situation, but I'd be extra kind and attentive to him. Trust your gut.

[radioheader]

i would trust your gut too as keenan said ...my guess is that there is nothing going on yet but it sounds like the perfect environment for an emotional affair to flare up...those can be just as devestating as a sexual one (from experience!)...i would be upset too if my husband was talking to another woman longer than he talks to me...i think you have every right to proceed with caution!