Pregnancy:When did you tell your employer?

[BellaDonna]

I'm just wondering when you told your employer you were pregnant?

 

I know most women wait until after the first trimester. I think I may even wait longer, if I can get creative with clothing and hide it .

 

I know my boss will be fully supportive of me taking a maternity leave. He has been very good to other women who have done the same. I've seen it. He is very family oriented and family friendly. So I'm very lucky in that regard.

 

My main reason for wanting to keep it quiet longer is that I just don't want buzz around the office. I'm also aware of another female coworker who had a stillborn at 8 months shortly before I started and I want to be sensitive to her feelings too. I work in close proximity to her and I don't want to make a big deal out of the pregnancy. I'm sure it's sensitive territory for her.

 

I'll just have to wear a lot of black, or let people think I've been visiting Burger King too much.

 

Has anyone been able to hide it at work beyond into the 2nd trimester?

 

 

BellaDonna

[BornToResist]

I told my immediate supervisor when I was in my first trimester because I got written up for missing so much work due to morning sickeness. I told him I didn't want anyone to know and he never said a word.

 

I finally told the big boss at about 20 weeks.

 

I had hid it completely until then, and then one day I woke up and BAM there was belly and everyone started noticing. So I went and told her. She was completely fine with it and said "oh so THAT'S why you missed so much work..."

[rocio]

around 4.5 months. I wore suits to cover up.

[Beec]

I know someone who hid it into the second trimester, but not beyond it. Before the six month, the secret came out.

 

As far as tellingyour boss, I think about the fourth month is fine, but also ask them to keep it quiet, and act like it is not a big deal, which is anything but the truth. The more you seem to downplay it, the more your coworker will be happy for you. There is not much you can do to ease her pain.

[Dilly]

I think in regards to your communication with your coworker that you should break the news as gently as possible. These matters truly are like you said incredibly sensitive.

[muffin cakes]

I had to tell mine quite early because I was really sick.

[long_for_me]

I am entering month 8th and I can still hide it. It is winter now and wearing a pullover or a larger clothes does the trick!

 

Good luck!

[katie831]

i told mine at 21 weeks as it is a health and safety issue where i work

 

i know how awkward it can be as about 2 months ago a co worker had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, i felt guilty and didn't want to upset her.

 

But you should tell your boss around 20 weeks as there are benefits you may be entitled to (extra breaks, paid time off etc.) and also as i said before if anything bad was to happen at work then you could claim compensation, counselling etc.

[BellaDonna]

I am entering month 8th and I can still hide it.

 

You lucky duck!

 

I'm only a little over 2 months and I'm busting out.

 

Winter is a savior in that regard. I'm going to have to get really creative with clothing and try to blame it on "holiday eating" or something. The problem is that it's all in the lower tummy so it's starting to become obvious.

 

I will hide it as long as reasonably possible with suits and long sweaters and black clothing I guess....

 

BellaDonna

[BellaDonna]

Well my boss knows now.

 

He caught me off guard this morning and asked if I'd meet with him for a few minutes to talk about a new project he is putting me on and the planning for it over the course of the next 5 years. I thought it was the perfect opporunity to let the cat out of the bag and tell him I was pregnant.

 

I think it would be rude if I did not tell him since this meeting was essentially a talk about "planning" as it relates to my position. I figured he deserved to know. So I told him I was 13 weeks pregnant and that I plan on taking a 6 month maternity leave starting in August (I have saved up a lot of sick and vacation time and I also have AFLAC insurance that will pay for me to be out [80% of my salary- tax free] for some of the time). I assured him that I will be coming back full time and that I am very committed to what I do.

 

To my delight he was very happy. He lit up like a Christmas tree and said "Congratulations!" and was very supportive. He told me that as I draw closer to the due date to let him know so he can straighten everything out with human resources and payroll.

 

What a relief. I'm glad he caught me off guard and I ended up having to tell him today. Otherwise I would have rehearsed things too many times in my mind and made myself all nervous if I had to approach him and tell him some other day.

 

He is going to keep it a secret from the rest of the office per my request.

 

I will have to let others know eventually because I'm already showing quite a bit and the amount of times I run to the restroom should be a clue in and of itself- but I've been creative with clothes and want to keep it quiet for a little longer. I just don't feel like dealing with it in the workplace right now.

 

Phew! Glad the hard part is over though! Relief!!!!!!

 

Even though I have a really good boss, I always worried that having a baby would somehow threaten my position/career or that I'd lose my place in the corporate end of things if I took a leave. But he reassured me that is not the case.

 

BellaDonna

[Dilly]

CONGRATULATIONS, Bella!

 

I'm very happy for you. Wow, AFLAC offers 6 months or some portion of 6 months pay. THAT is a good plan. And knowing your boss loves you, your position will likely remain open and your seat warmed for your return.

 

Is the woman that works with you and lost a child at 8 months still in the picture? Will you be in a different location from her as your pregnancy progresses? It would be nice to avoid that interaction I would think.

 

CONGRATS!!!!

[BellaDonna]

AFLAC will pay for almost 3 or the 6 months- for the rest of the time I will use vacation and sick time.

 

The woman who had the stillborn is still in the picture...which is why I really want to keep it quiet for longer.

 

I was devatated after a miscarriage so I could never imagine the pain a stillborn of 8 months, would cause. That's why I want to be very sensitive about the whole thing.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I guess doing nothing would be best. I will just have be quite nonchalent about everything at work (no matter how excited I really feel).

 

BellaDonna

[Dilly]

You know, I would hope that she would realize that you have been sitting on your hands with this information and be overjoyed for you. I know that once I had a friend who had (unbeknownst to me) had two miscarriages and one recent one before I complained to her about all of my early pregnancy issues with Robert. She was a little freaky in her reaction to me, frankly. She was like, "I wish I could be happy for you, and in my own way, I am, but this is very difficult for me." She thought I knew about her miscarriages and I had not a clue. I knew she was trying to get pregnant and could have frankly been more gentle with the news since it took her some time... but she'll get over it.

 

My advice... me advising you (ha, what a laugh - you're so wise already) - would be to reach out to her in some way and plug her in - if she could feel more a part of your life, sometimes, that helps, like if you needed her in some way. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but this brought my friend around within fifteen minutes. She immediately apologized, recognized her own misgivings, and was a complete rescuer during my time of need.

 

Anyway, I'm sure in her own way she will be very thrilled for you.

 

On the subject of delivering a stillborn, I would not know what to do if Chloe' died on me right now. I would feel a complete failure as a mom. It would wreck me.

[BellaDonna]

Thanks, Dilly. BTW I welcome any advice you have to give me. You're wise yourself and you certainly know more about this whole pregnancy thing than I do!

 

On the subject of delivering a stillborn, I would not know what to do if Chloe' died on me right now. I would feel a complete failure as a mom. It would wreck me.

 

Don't worry. What happened to her is very rare. Sadly, the chord wrapped around the baby's neck restricting all oxygen in the womb and that is why he died inside her. I feel just terrible even thinking about that happened to her. I could not imagine going through that either.

 

I try not to think like that so that I do not get myself worried (it's far too easy to worry about all that "could" go wrong, when the reality is that most babies are born healthy and without incident)

 

BellaDonna

[Dilly]

it's far too easy to worry about all that "could" go wrong, when the reality is that most babies are born healthy and without incident)

 

BellaDonna

 

It's so true! I'm so happy that we have this healthy bunch of preggo's on here. It's truly exciting. I am really lucky to know such a strong group of females.

 

Funny how your work colleagues will start popping up pregnant after you. I have at least one colleague planning a pregancy at this time. HA!!!

[annie24]

I'll just have to wear a lot of black, or let people think I've been visiting Burger King too much.

 

 

hey there - are you leaving burger king wrappers all over your desk to fool your coworkers, or do they know you are pregnant now (besides your boss?)

[BellaDonna]

I'm still hiding it. The only person I told was someone I am friends with at work- but they are keeping it quiet.

 

BellaDonna

[BellaDonna]

Well, everyone at work knows now. I was not able to hide it for much longer. Some coworkers told me that they suspected it since DECEMBER!

 

Okay so I guess I was not as stealth as I had thought.

 

Now all the questions and comments are starting: "Are you going to breastfeed"..."When I was pregnant this is what I did...." "Are you going to have a natural birth?"

 

grrrrrrrr.....

 

I give minimal answers. I would hope I could at least escape this stuff when I'm trying to do my job but I guess not.

 

I feel kind of akward too. I don't like discussing things in front of the co-worker who lost a baby a few years back. I feel like it just rubs it in. I want to be very sensitive and keep her feelings in mind.

 

BellaDonna

[annie24]

lol. as for your coworkers, everyone has an opinion, don't they? I agree, minimal answers are the way to go, and find a way to excuse yourself.