Question for girls about gyno.

[SlipperySammy]

My girlfriend has had a long running problem with intercourse hurting her. She describes the pain like she is really sensitive to vaginal contact specifically around the opening. This pain clearly is a big hurddle for our sex life. She says some times it doesn't hurt, sometimes it only hurts a little and other times it hurts alot.

 

She is kinda insecure and not good at talking to doctors about this problem and she finally brought it up to her gyno last year and he said that she was just dry and needed a lubracation. The problem is this is not the case and no matter what amout of lubrication we use she still hurts.

 

She is going to schedual an appointment with a new gyno today and my question is how weird would it be if I wanted to have a consultation with the doctor and her togethor. My fear is that my girl friend will be passive and not clear, or not explain how much of a problem this really is. Some one needs to say to the doctor, "This is a big problem she has alot of pain all the time no matter how much lubrication she uses." I am afraid she wont be very assertive about the issue.

 

My girlfriend said that they dont typically let boy friends have consultations with the doctor and patient...but I don't know if that is the case. I don't want to make a huge awkward deal about this, but I want to make sure the doctor understands how much of a problem this is, and I wouldn't mind hearing for my self from the doc what we can do to fix this.

 

What do you think?

[BellaDonna]

I think it's perfectly fine, as long as your girlfriend feels comfortable with it.

 

OB-GYN's often have consults with a patient's partner or spouse present. For instance, there will be some pre-natal visits that my husband will be attending with me at my ob-gyn's office.

 

So your GF's gynecologist should not be surprised if you tag along or want to be part of the consultation.

 

If any exam is involved, you should leave the room then so she has her privacy. But for simply talking during a consultation, I think that's perfectly fine for you to be there if you have your GF's consent. Especially since you are trying to advocate for her and she might be too embarrassed to speak up for herself.

 

 

BellaDonna

[joiseygrl]

As long as your gf is ok with it, I don't see a problem if the 2 of you go in an talk to the doctor.

[n83]

It could be a psychological issue that she's having; it could be that her anxiety is making it worse, if she's having any during sex. Try talking once more to the gyno and have her tell him explicitly that it's not working. If he's still blowing you off, you might want to suggest that she switch gyno's ..

[denisemarie]

She is going to schedual an appointment with a new gyno today and my question is how weird would it be if I wanted to have a consultation with the doctor and her togethor

You hit my field! I work womens acute care and as long as the woman is comfortable we greatly encourage SO to be present, after all it effects you both. Doctors can be intimidating and women tend to minimize their suffering, so you may be able to help her open up to her Dr a little better. He/she may want to visit with her first so don't be alarmed. Before the visit both of you should sit down and make a list of concerns and address them during the visit that way you won't be kicking yourselves later for forgetting to mention something that may be crucial.

[SlipperySammy]

Thanks for all of the replies!

 

She is getting a new gyno because her old one is retiring. He sounded like an old geezer any way. I think her new one will be a young women, and hopefully makes my gf more comfortable.

 

I am sure anxiety plays a part. From what I can tell she has no way of telling if she is going to be sore/sensative before sex...or atleast foreplay so she has anxiety that it will hurt and we will have to stop. So in turn her anxiety that she will hurt and we will have to stop mid-intercourse makes her uptight and more prone to hurt etc...

 

Has any one every heard of this? I have googled this topic and I can't find alot of info on it. I did read about somthing...think called vagitis or somthing and it is basically pain during intercourse with no reall explanation or cure. Otherwise I couldn't find much reading information that was much help.

 

I have one more question. Even at her best or when she says she is not 'hurting' she says that it hurts for me to make long 'in/out' strokes during intercourse. For example if I were to fully penatrate her and slowly pull out so that just my tip was in her and then repeat gradually working up to a faster speed. I think that motion feels really good and is a fun way to start sex, but she insists that the only way that is comfortable for her is for me to fully penatrate and make extremely small 'in/out' motions while basically staying fully penatrated. I am not sure if I described that well or not, but this doesn't seem normal. Is this normal? Girls on this board does it ever hurt when your bf perform slow and full 'in/out' strokes on you?Ofcourse I don't want to do any thing that hurts her, but this just seems weird and I want to fix this so we can have a healthy sex life both mentally ans physically.

 

Thanks again.

[Deviant_Kate]

Planned Parenthood won't let anybody else in the room for some reason or another, but I know that at least SOME other gynos will allow a friend or partner to come in with her. I had to get a gynocological exam when I was 4 (long story) and it traumatized me and made me absolutely TERRIFIED to go, so my girlfriend called around to find a gyno that would allow me to go in with her (on some serious anti-anxiety pills) so I'll know what to expect. Obviously I can't guarantee you'll find one that will allow that, but it's possible.

[BellaDonna]

Planned Parenthood won't let anybody else in the room for some reason or another

 

I think they do so because they often deal with patients who are victims of abuse. There are situations where patients might be forced into allowing the abuser in the room so their "secret" won't be let out to the doctor. Since Planned Parenthood also offers abortion procedures, they must be sure that the patient wants it consentually, and that they are not being forced into it. Sadly there have been situations where minors who were abused and impregnated by their own fathers were forced into abortions, etc. (This happened at the Planned Parenthood in my city) So they only allow the patient in the room for these kind of reasons. They doctors want to be able to talk to them in private and offer help.

 

Most general ob-gyn offices probably won't oppose a discussion/consultation with a woman and her partner if the issue being dealt with is sexual health.

 

BellaDonna

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I have the exact same problem as your girlfriend, most likely the gyno will say she's simply more sensitive up there, then others. However try different positions, some help more than others, and go VERY slowly until she gives the OK. Otherwise it is painful.

[RayKay]

Sammy,

 

I have not seen you in a while hon!

 

Gyno's are generally willing to have a partner in the room with the patient if they want it. If they aren't, I would be worried!

 

I know this has been a long ongoing issue for her/you. I am not sure what it is. Some women do suffer from vaginitis, but obviously we can't diagnose it here, it may also be reoccurring yeast infections, etc which can cause painful irritation/burning too.

 

I am not sure what to tell you, as just from past posts I suspect that while physical may be PART of the equation it is more than that.

 

Good luck.

 

Rachel

[SlipperySammy]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Ray kay - As a couple we made alot of progress and it seemed like this summer we had a great sex life...or atleast alot better. This fall her pain or sensativity started up again and it has clearly been a huge hurddle on our sex life. Overall I feel like she sees the big picture better and is more capable of addressing our problems. She has been proactive in getting a gyno appointment to figure out what the problem is, (It's taking a couple weeks because her gyno retired and she called two doctors that her friends suggested but they were not execpting new patients. Hopefully she'll get in next week some where.)

 

Hopefully we can figure out why she is hurting and get back to working on our sex life