What did you learn the most from your affair?

[Heisinmyheart]

I learned that I am worth more than being second fiddle to anyone and that I deserve the same respectful treatment that I give others.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I learned that the affair was a symptom of a bigger problem.

[yeawutever]

I would never have an affair so I can't give you much of a response but I'll try my best. Affairs are a fantasy, it doens't have the real responsibilities a commited relationship has. The other man/woman will likely just want to string you around like a yo-yo.

[annie24]

that he never had any intention of breaking up with his gf and moving to my area....

[ZoeMatthews]

I was cheated on and what the idiot realized was that the grass was already greener with me...now, he will not admit to cheating...he said he never f**** her...uh-huh...he came back to me, but we have very serious communication issues...we need to work on that..

 

It just threw a wrench in the relationship and he wants to salvage whats left.. he is being extra nice...ha ha...we'll see if it lasts

[Juliana]

That I am capable of doing things that I do not want to do, so I make sure I'm never in a position to do them....does that make sense? I'm more careful now than I think I have to be.

[rainynight]

I learned that in the end, the person that has the affair with the married person. always gets hurt the worst. You are always the odd man, or woman out, and the longer the affair goes on, the more you realize what you are missing, and how much you've allowed this person to distract you from meeting someone that truly loves you, not someone who wants to jump into bed with you once a week, get their rocks off, and then go back and play the part of "the good wife" around the poor, un-suspecting, husband. In my case, I could bring her world down in a heartbeat by letting the cat out of the bag. But she knows I love her and would never do such a thing to her. I'm the safe choice for whatever is missing in her marriage but as time has worn on, two years now, it's taken a heavy toll on me. I'm on a constant seesaw ride with my emotions. Tonight is especially hard! She invited me to a Christmas party with her husband, family, and friends, and I gracefully declined. A year a go it wouldn't have bothered me as much, now it's nothing but depressing to be around her in that environment and watch her play the part of "the good wife" with the "perfect little life". It's making me extremely resentful of the hypocrisy of it all. Her husband is living a lie and has no idea of it. He thinks his marriage is just fine and dandy. She's living a lie, because you don't have an intimate, long term relationship with someone if you are truly in love with your husband, and I'm living a lie because I thought I could really keep my emotions out of this and keep it on a strictly friends with benefits level. I can't! It looks like I'm finally bringing things to a head this holiday season and ending this thing, even though I know it's going to depress the hell out of me for a long time to come. You have no idea what it's like to have everything you've ever wanted at your fingetips and yet in reality it's all a million miles away!

[radioheader]

rainynight, that was very heavy and i bet true for many others...i bet a lot of people just think they can have an affair and not get too attached to the married one in the beginning...but you are only human and after a while you want it all...thanks for sharing that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I was an inadvertant participant in an affair where the man lied about his availability and covered up his true marital status.

 

I learned that married people who participate in affairs are by default liars, and very comfortable with lying and deceiving the person they have vowed to cherish and be faithful to, their own spouse, so why should you believe anything they tell you? they are self centered enough to be after their own pleasure regardless of any promises they make to ANYONE.

 

So if they are willing to lie to and betray their own spouses they will do the same to others whenever it suits their purposes. NOT good candidates for a loving, long term relationship.

[prtygrl1973]

I learned that the affair was a symptom of a bigger problem.

 

thats what I am learning - now we have to deal with the bigger problem. He was the cheater and I am the one who has to deal with all the pain now.

[luvursmile]

i've learned fom my emotional affair that I never want to do that again. And that I was selfish & wanted what I couldn't have. Affairs never lead to anything good. 3 people or more will end up hurt.

[kermit]

I learned that words are easy. Actions, making things happen, and hurting your real family are the hard part.