I want to give up...

[pocky_biscuz]

From reading other posts, all you people's LDR has a further distance than i do....mine is only 40 mins away but the problem is he's a very very very busy man. I met him online four months ago....and i came out of a bad relationship which i posted about it....(in the getting back with ex section) cuz i was that desperate then after the cloudy depression left me i was fine again and then i met this guy online. He's 29 and i'm 23 .... he's well established working on his own company along side with his consultant job. Lately after signing a new contract that company has been giving him a hard time with unrealistic deadlines and with his company there's new projects coming all the time. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks and this weekend marks the third. I will definitely not see him for the holidays either and this gets me really depressed. I was looking forward to spending out first holiday together but everytime he said how much work he has or how little sleep he gets, i feel guilty cuz he's wasting me talking to me on the phone. Or when i ask if he's free this weekend i feel bad cuz i would take away his precious time. Time that he doesn't even have. When we do see each other (which means a couple hours, it used to be a full day or the weekend... he checks his cell constantly and looks at the watch alot. That's a major turnoff. I want to break things off with him..........i just can't stand the depression. It's eating me up inside...i don't even get to talk to him on the phone. He's busy all day and when he does call, it will be minutes before he goes to bed so we don't have a normal convosation. Whenever i tried to talk about our relationship problem he changes subject or says he has to sleep now and we both know he's avoiding the topic. Last night he said he doesn't have the time or energy to talk about this and will call me later and to give him some time to let his busy pass. I still can't help but feel sad and disappointed about this holiday. It was suppose to be warm and fuzzy...........now all i can feel is cold and despire.

 

I don't know what to do anymore...

[jengh]

In my opinion, it doesn't seem like he truly cares about your feelings. He only sees/talks to you when it's convenient for him. He won't give up a couple of hours a week to see you, yet when he finally does agree to some time, I'll bet he wouldn't be happy if the time conflicted with yours.

 

This guy seems a bit too high maintenence to me. 40 minutes is not far away. My boyfriend and I live two hours apart, but still spend EVERY weekend together and talk on the phone once a day. Granted, every couples' needs are different, there needs to be more contact of SOME sort (phone, in-person, hell-online even..better than nothing).

 

I think you need to MAKE him listen to you. Tell him you can't do this anymore. That you don't feel important. He's stringnig you along. It shouldn't have to be this hard. I'm sorry he's been such a jerk. You deserve a guy that will WANT to take the time to ask you about your day and CANT WAIT! to spend the weekend together.

 

This guy seems like a workaholic. From the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like he's planning on changing anytime soon...

 

I hope things work out for the best.

[Ash]

Any relaitonship tends to take at least a little effort on both sides to make things work. It seems as though he isn't all that interested in putting you a bit higher on his priority list which is quite unfortunate.

 

40 minutes isn't all that far if one, the other or both of you have transportation so that's not really a big factor in this case. I wouldn't even go as far as to say this is really a LDR.

 

Perhaps it's for the better things are this way now than a year down the road. Even busy people tend to be able to make time for their loved ones, and if the holidays are not even in the picture at this point ... then you wouldn't have enjoyed them anyway. Maybe it's best to think of letting this go, and maybe in a week or two the string will haev gone out of it just a bit and the holidays will be a tad brighter.

 

Things get extremely busy for me, and I constantly have to choose to let things slide, family and loved ones are more important than other pursuits for me. I'm not sure if this applies to us all but it certainly sounds like you're feeling very neglected, and not only that, guilty that you're stopping him from getting on with what he thinks is important. I think that he's telling you an awful lot when he acts that way.

 

Please take care, think carefully about where things might go if you stay with him, think about what you want out of this relationship, and if it's time to let things go ... then it may really be best to let them go with him sooner rather than later.

[Batya33]

I would not consider 40 minutes to be long distance. It sounds like he is not interested in a relationship with you right now. Please don't take that personally - sounds like work is the top priority.

[sydneybean84]

Hunny, this man is giving you quite a few indications that at this point in his life he does not have the time or energy it requieres to be in a relationship....Besides that fact, I feel like maybe you got into this relationship in order to help fight off your depression, not because you really had the desire to share your life with someone. I know just as well as anyone what it feels like to be lonely, or to truly crave companionship, but don't sell yourself short! I have the perfect test of your relationship....give him (and yourself) some space! Stop calling him for say two days or so, and see what his response is...(and use that time to really figure out if this is what YOU want!) More than likely, you two are both in this relationship out of convenience rather than desire. Drop that zero, and find a man that's super into you! And in the downtime, take hot bubble baths, rent/watch your favorite movies and eat ice cream!! Works for me!

[pocky_biscuz]

Thanks guys...i tried not calling him or even shut off my cell phone for two days and when i turn it back on i found a txt of him saying he misses me and was thinking of me and asked where i go (cuz he couldn't get a hold of me). So...in some ways he cares. Is just yes, his work is top priority right now and that's what i hate about the situation. I tried to concentrate on other things and pretend i'm single and get on with my life. When i do get to see him all we do is 'make love' and when i leave i always have this empty feeling inside not only cuz i missed him, but i would just stand there wondering what the hell am i doing here. And yea, i feel used like that sometimes. There is love in the relationship........but love is not everything.

 

I stalked up on chocolates and Grey's Anatomy. I just got an offer of interview in Toronto and when i get this job i'm moving there. At first it was a way to get closer to him but now i want to do this for myself. I need to focus on my career and my family. From what i learn from my last relationship, family is so much more important. I'm spending xmas eve with my family and aslo invited my best friend who doesn't want to travel too much to go back home for a nice turkey dinner. Then on xmas day i'm working instead, originally had it off but i gave it to my colleague so that she can have a nice xmas dinner with her mom and family (she lives 3 hrs away from her mom). In terms with bf, i don't want to talk to him for a while. He said he needs time to sort his businesses out fine...he can get all the time he needs....i'm expecting he'll make it up somehow in the future but that expectation is extremely low. He kept apologizing and said it's unfair for me and such. But those are just words. Action speaks louder than words and at times he does make a great effort to 'put me in his schedule' but seeing him work so hard just to squeeze a couple hours of 'us' time makes me feel like he should use that time to catch up on his work instead.

 

You guys are right, 40mins is not LDR....it's pathetic huh? People who are miles away have a stronger communication than us. I still have alot to learn in life. This forum is great...whenever i need to talk i know people will always respond without being biais.......

[Ash]

Rina, I wasn't quite so unbiased on the LDR aspect of it as I should really have been. 40 minutes to some could be considered long, the other side of course being a 5 minute walk. To some people that is a very important consideration. That aside, I think you understood the true message in that this is not a distance based issue at all. If you're contemplating moving to Toronto, then of course you already know that a 40 minute drive in that city may not get you very far at all!

 

Your Christmas plans are admirable. I'm glad to hear you're thinking of family and also it's nice to hear you are completely at ease with giving up Christmas Day so another can happy. That's a nice favour that I hope will be returned to you one day when it's more important that you have that day rather than somebody else.

 

You seem to be coming to terms with how your bf is, and that should make things easier. You seem to have your head around it even though I do understand if your heart is a bit hurt by it all.

 

One last thing, and so sorry to differ, but I think I prefer House over Grey's Anatomy. But it's a close thing ... Enjoy that part!

[pocky_biscuz]

LOL i used to be an avid House watcher until i started my new job and made me missed the complete 3 season and some of the 2 season. I will get back to that no worries.

 

It's hard not to think about the situation. Love make us all blind and do things out of emotion instead of logical. It was the same when i was in depression after my ex dumped me out of the blue. The logical thing to do was cut him out of my life but at that time i wanted to get back together with (hence all these crazy postings on this forum and vast amount of energy and time spent on googling how to get him back). At this point i MUST grow up...be content with myself first...cuz we all know life's a b1tch as it is....added more stress is not good at all...

 

Thank you all..~ have a happy holidays!

[Rabican]

I vote you just tell him that if he ever feels like calling you, or seeing you to let you know. And then stop calling him, and stop trying. If he doesnt make the effort himself... then its not worth worrying over.

 

He might be blowing you off now, just because he can. If he knows you are on call, then he can always see you whenever its convenient for him. If he really likes you, and you go missing... trust me he will call you. If not... theres lots more fish in the sea.