How important is your job to a girl.

[CaptainPlanet]

Hi,

 

Girls on this forum talk about a guys job and sometimes other material qualities. How important is it to have a good career/job earning money being respectable, having direction type person. I only ask this because I think it concerns me directly, i.e. I have no direction I don't earn much money nor do I have what could be considered a career by any means.

Maybe girls see my lack of direction or credibility, perhaps they prefer to be date someone with a job they can romatisize or is it just that a steady stream of income only getting larger is somehow attractive.

 

Regards

 

CAPTAIN PLANET

[amtjrtcet]

I am attracted to men that are driven and ambitious. I have to admit, the fact that my man is a college graduate and has a career, I find that extremely attractive. I also have a college degree and a career and I want my man to be at least equally driven in life.

 

I am a successful young woman but I'd like to know that the man I marry, when we have a family-that I can then stay home with our children for a few yrs and he can provide for us financially.

 

That's just my opinion.

[luvursmile]

Yes, having a career goal is important to me. I need a man that has ambitions. Of course, that is because I have them as well. For some women, it may not be important.

As far as money, well, I dont wanna sound materialistic (and I'm not) but it is important to me at least, that they make a decent living. Im not asking for diamonds & ferrari's but someone who is stable.

[kickedin]

this is a great post!!!

 

this is my situation i was very successful from 21-until 26 my business took a turn i am in debt got a bunch of toys......girl wants to get married have kids shes 34 bio clock is ticking!!! so she doesnt have faith in me that i make good decisions and that i will turn things around.....so now we are apart and most of it is because of this but this makes her look like a gold digger.......and i am trying as hard as i can but when i do get "SETTLED" i dont think i will look athe rthe same because what you cant stay with me during the bad times

[DropToZero]

Hi,

 

Girls on this forum talk about a guys job and sometimes other material qualities. How important is it to have a good career/job earning money being respectable, having direction type person. I only ask this because I think it concerns me directly, i.e. I have no direction I don't earn much money nor do I have what could be considered a career by any means.

Maybe girls see my lack of direction or credibility, perhaps they prefer to be date someone with a job they can romatisize or is it just that a steady stream of income only getting larger is somehow attractive.

 

Regards

 

CAPTAIN PLANET

 

Girls like money...money equals power...power is "sexy." (not that I get any rush out of it hah) I think girls see it as someone who is more in control...personally...I'm all for your idea man, money's a bs concept...it means nothing really if you think about it. As for your direction in life, who cares...just make sure you do what YOU want, I'm just a college student working my butt off in two part time jobs(one of which may as well be a full-time one in hours)...and I hate it. This isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life...god be damned if I stay here, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life running up a corporate ladder through promotions, just so I can die in the end...there's more to life(and women should take notice of this too).

[Batya33]

At my age - 40 - and in the past 10 years of my dating experiences I have expected that the guy I choose to be seriously involved with and would consider marrying be at least as ambitious and goal oriented as I am and have at least a college degree (I have a graduate degree). Education is an important value to me as is ambition and a strong work ethic. Salary - well, yes I draw the line somewhere but the salary is not as important as the ambition, drive, intelligence and work ethic. He would need to make enough to be financially stable and be able to save in a 401K or similar.

 

I am not asking for more than I bring to the table and have always been willing to settle for less when it comes to salary (part of the reason I chose the career I did was so that I could be financially comfortable and, if I had the opportunity ever to be a stay at home mom, my savings would substitute for the income I was not bringing in during that time, so it would not be as much of a financial burden on the family).

 

Since I am a woman, not a "girl" I can't really relate to the generalization that "girls like money" or that money is power. I have declined dates with men who make a lot of money because I did not respect how they made that money. To me what is a turn on is drive and ambition and a passion for one's chosen profession or career - whether or not it is particularly lucrative.

 

I have gone on dates with men who lack direction as far as career and are unemployed for a significant period of time, lack drive, lack ambition, depend on parents a lot financially, etc. It just does not work for me. I am a self-made person when it comes to career and I admire that in others. I can be friends with a struggling artist or someone who is unemployed/not well-educated but when it comes to choosing a life partner I strongly prefer someone with values and a situation that is comparable to mine.

 

I don't consider a "job" to be a "material" quality - often it is reflective of the person's values and goals - which are far from trivial, at least to me.

[Survictor]

To have a degree and be in a good career position for me means that a man is hard working, determined and committed. It says a lot about what type of man he is and this is the type of guy I would consider for the long haul. This is someone I can worth with and who will work with me to provide us and our children with a good future. I like strong men and I enjoy the security this man can offer. He does have to have other attributes such as honesty, sincerity etc.

 

A man who still stacks shelves at 30, lives at home with his parents and is quite content to remain so or one that is looking for the next adrenalin rush and unable to settle in one place for long and so he has no long term friends, no long term goals and meanders through life, going with the flow may be a great guy for the duration but he isn't likely to make an ideal life partner.

 

When a lady is looking to settle down and have children, it would make more sense to be with the former. He is seen as being more dependable and responsible. The relationship is likely to be more mature.

 

Saying that though, you cannot choose who you fall in love with but it does seem that ladies who fall for the musician, the artist etc. have less stable lives in many ways and once that relationship ends they may be looking for someone more dependable.

 

think this is probably the case with your 34 yr old girlfriend.

[CaptainPlanet]

You can be educated without having a degree. Reading and a desire to learn lead to education.

[rocio]

Nothing turns me off more than a guy with a degree that his parents paid for and no passion in life. To me, that just looks like a people-pleaser. I would much rather be with a guy who has some "dull", low-paying job that he loves and does well at.

 

What concerns me is that you say you have no direction. Life is to be lived. If you're not career driven, who cares? But do you have other passions? Other definitions of success that you strive for?

[Survictor]

Of course they do. I know of ladies and gentlemen who have succeeded in their careers and their lives without. Some people lack an academic education but their life's journey has been rich and fulfilling and they have charm and other qualities necessary to succeed.

 

The desire to learn means you have that drive to succeed, a questioning and lively mind.

[heloladies21]

Having a great career can help you get girls, but is not necessary. And a bad career will not necessarily kill your chances with women. It's all in how you spin it. I have a couple of friends who have terrible career paths, real dead ends and they have girls all over em. They completely kill me when it comes to girls and I'm in law school.

[Batya33]

Having a great career can help you get girls, but is not necessary. And a bad career will not necessarily kill your chances with women. It's all in how you spin it. I have a couple of friends who have terrible career paths, real dead ends and they have girls all over em. They completely kill me when it comes to girls and I'm in law school.

 

That's because you're dating "girls" not "women."

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

My BF has an English Literature degree from a good university.

 

He has, however, in his own words- "All the ambition of a spoon". His only aspiration is to make enough money to carry on being able to watch football/wrestling. He doesn't care about fulfillment or wealth beyond that.

 

Personally, I like his attitude that he doesn't simply aspire to get rich and lead a nice (sarcasm) shallow life. HOWEVER....my career is important to me, in terms of personal fulfillment, which is where we differ. And which is why I know I'd work for years to become a doctor; and all he wants to do is pay the bills with an office gopher job!

 

I don't mind his lack of ambition. I'll be frank though, it may have been different if his father hadn't passed away earlier this year - through this, he has his own house, outright, at the age of 22, EXTREMELY rare in the UK. Otherwise, his lack of amibition would not give him/us (because you need 2 incomes, mostly, of a fairly high level to buy a decent house) a place to live.

 

Life has worked in a strange way.

 

In conclusion, no I'm not bothered by how much of a career man someone is. I resent overly-ambitious , materialistic people - you can't take it with you, y'know?

[Batya33]

You can be educated without having a degree. Reading and a desire to learn lead to education.

 

Yes you can. However, for purposes of choosing a marriage partner I want someone who values higher education including the degree as I want to pass on those values to a family and that would be more difficult if the person did not have a degree and/or did not value having a degree. I also believe that there is a much greater chance of financial stability in the part of the world I live with a higher degree. This has nothing to do with who I would choose to be friendly with, just has to do with who I would choose as a marriage partner.

 

Since I only date within my religion and since most of them have higher degrees, I have never faced the situation (after I turned 30) where a man had not finished college, was of my religion, and interested in a relationship with me. I would not say a definitive "no" to dating someone without a college degree - it would depend on all the circumstances, what he did for a living, his views and values of higher education and why he chose not to finish college. My guess is that he probably would not be a good match for me, or I for him.

[Batya33]

I am not sure where ambitious is tied to materialistic. Some of the most ambitious people I know devote their careers and sometimes lives to public interest causes where they make little money even though they could have chosen a lucrative career in the private sector. Others are highly ambitious artists who work hard at their craft with little to show for it financially.

 

I know people with college degrees who are not ambitious and vice versa. However, there is a better shot at financial stability with a college degree, at least where I live.

[amtjrtcet]

I agree with Batya for the most part. My ex of 6 yrs did not have a college degree, but he had a trade. He owns his own auto repair shop, and does very well. He knew with out a degree he would have to go into business for himself if he wanted to be successful. No everyone is talented enough to do that, so education is very important. I want to instill those values into my children.

[itsallgrand]

That's because you're dating "girls" not "women."

 

Sorry, that was funny! Best part of the thread and valid!

 

I kinda think of it like this: as a girl, I didn't give a whit about a guy's job (just impress me now, think of details later).

Little older now and get to thinking: "If I were to spend my life with this man, what kind of future would we have? Am I going to be worrying about housing, jumping around the country for his 'career' , soothing his ego perpetually bc he has no drive or gauge of success of his own? Will I need to care for him at 50 bc his job has run his health into the ditch?"

 

Just practical stuff. The bottom line is: Is he taking care of what needs to be taken care of for himself, so he can be happy and provided for, and will we be moving in the same direction?

 

Learned to think like this the hard way! Sucks falling for someone who you are not compatible with.

[rocio]

That's because you're dating "girls" not "women."

 

I'm not sure this is totally true. It IS in the way you spin it. If you tell the woman that you have no direction and no plans for the future, that's going to be a turn off. However, if you have confidence and drive and ambition and goals and you know (and like) yourself (and kind of leave out the career / degree stuff), you can still get women.

[Batya33]

I am sure you can "get women" - the question is whether you can have a long term stable relationship with a woman who values career and educational ambition and drive/goals. At some point you either have the facts to back up your claims of ambition and goals or you do not.

[rocio]

I am sure you can "get women" - the question is whether you can have a long term stable relationship with a woman who values career and educational ambition and drive/goals. At some point you either have the facts to back up your claims of ambition and goals or you do not.

 

Are you sure that was what the OP was asking? I don't think it was about the compatibility of career-oriented v.s. non-career-oriented women. It was about whether his lack of career would interfere with his ability to attract women in general. I don't think it necessarily has to.

 

Btw, I'm very career driven and I wouldn't have any problem whatsoever dating a guy who had no degree and a low-paying job.

[Batya33]

I agree that it does not necesarily have to. It would interfere for me and for most of my women friends. I believe I was addressing the OP's original issue.

[rocio]

I just remembered something. I used to work in a hotel and I remember how the employees I got along with best were the cleaning ladies. They were in great shape from all that physical work, and they had such a great outlook on life and a funny sense of humor. And then there were these mean, overweight women who ran the hotel. They were so nasty and proud. Even though they could afford louis vuitton handbags, they didn't look nearly as good as the cleaning ladies. I remember feeling sorry for them, even though they were ambitious and owned a fancy hotel. Personally, I would rather have a humble guy with a sense of humor than a workaholic anyday.

[Batya33]

I just remembered something. I used to work in a hotel and I remember how the employees I got along with best were the cleaning ladies. They were in great shape from all that physical work, and they had such a great outlook on life and a funny sense of humor. And then there were these mean, overweight women who ran the hotel. They were so nasty and proud. Even though they could afford louis vuitton handbags, they didn't look nearly as good as the cleaning ladies. I remember feeling sorry for them, even though they were ambitious and owned a fancy hotel. Personally, I would rather have a humble guy with a sense of humor than a workaholic anyday.

 

I would not be interested in dating a workaholic either. You are referring to a small group of people. I know many ambitious humble people and lazy arrogant types. I'm also not clear where you presume that those with ambition are ambitious about being rich necesarily. Many ambitious people teach, work in government and other modestly paying jobs. I like to get along well with everyone I work with whether academically intelligent, street smart, both, not smart, blue collar, white collar, pink collar, etc - when it comes to choosing a marriage partner I want someone who is educated, professional, ambitious and financially stable.

 

I never understand why once someone raises a preference for someone educated and ambitious the typical cliches of "workaholic" and "materialistic" and "wealthy but mean" follow. I don't see the links between those qualities and I don't see that a trade off needs to be made. Not saying you made all those presumptions but I am not sure where a non-workaholic is necesarily going to be humble, or where a workaholic will not be (and there is a world of difference between a healthy work ethic and ambition on the one hand and a workaholic on the other.

[CaptainPlanet]

To tell you the truth Hazey_Amber I really don't know what defines success. To be truly ambitious you need true ambition, which often can be hard to find. I guess success could be doing what makes you happy.

[CaptainPlanet]

" I never understand why once someone raises a preference for someone educated and ambitious the typical cliches of "workaholic" and "materialistic" and "wealthy but mean" follow. I don't see the links between those qualities and I don't see that a trade off needs to be made. Not saying you made all those presumptions but I am not sure where a non-workaholic is necesarily going to be humble, or where a workaholic will not be (and there is a world of difference between a healthy work ethic and ambition on the one hand and a workaholic on the other. "

 

Mean, materialistic. I am and I assume "we" are because you are deeming someone without these qualities unworthy. And it sounds like you want a man to be this way because you are this way. Or at least you say you are. Love and a good person run second to you. Or so it seems. That is materialistic, that is mean.

 

That is why I hold that exact view. I don't particularily see anything wrong with what you want its not so far different from the way man will refuse woman. Albeit a man will likely never not date a woman because of her career prospects, he'll refuse her for an entirely different reason ..