MrKadash Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Well, the girl I have been wanting to see for the last two months agreed to meet me for breakfast a couple of days ago, but she could only meet if she brought her five year old daughter. I didn't mind as it was an opportunity that I felt I should take. Didn't go so well. Her daughter was sweet and I didn't feel initially that it was going to be a big deal. As a few minutes went by I realized my personality wasn't the same as it would have been if it were the two of us -- does that make sense? I felt kind of 'handcuffed' as to what I felt free to say and act. As a result of my insecurity my friend 'pegged' me as a "quiet, serious" individual which I know I'm not. So, I did something I never do, and sent her a text last night apologizing for my lack of interesting behavior but felt I needed to stay close to the vest due to her adorable daughter. I said that I hoped I could have a re-do sometime. She responded that there were no worries and to have a great weekend. I guess the point of this post was for the guys to consider this - which I knew already but jumped at an opportunity to see someone - that a child accompanying a first encounter maybe isn't such a good idea. Sheesh. Link to comment
heartlessromantic Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Her daughter is an important part of her life and maybe she's past the point of just dating around, so she wants to make sure that men who are interested in her can handle having an instant family. Link to comment
rocio Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I think it's weird to bring a child along if she sees you as potentially more than a friend. A child doesn't need to see her mother flirting with someone who is essentially a stranger. Even if it's not blatant flirting, a child just doesn't need to observe those dynamics. Link to comment
MrKadash Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 I think it's weird to bring a child along if she sees you as potentially more than a friend. A child doesn't need to see her mother flirting with someone who is essentially a stranger. Even if it's not blatant flirting, a child just doesn't need to observe those dynamics. Believe me, that crossed my mind ahead of time, but as I stated earlier my desire to spend some time with her won out. You hit the nail on the head with your 'dynamics' observation, albeit maybe a lack therof that made me out to be someone I'm not. I allowed it to happen, so I'm taking my medicine for awhile... Link to comment
Juha Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I don't date women with children anymore... Been there many times and it is not worth it in my opinion... Good luck with her though... Link to comment
paulm Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Never apologize for the way you act. Never. She brought her daughter as a test - she wanted to present her and her daughter as a package to see how you'd respond. Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I have heard a lot of arguments for not dating single mothers. Not only was she probably testing you as a a potential partner, but also as a potential new father to her kid. Are you really up for that? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I totally get the whole, not on the first date or first meeting thing - that's a little weird. But maybe her sitter canceled on her and all she had was the option to bring her along!? Maybe she was trying to let him know that hey, I have a child, she's going to be around sometimes....OR maybe she didn't want to go alone but couldn't think of anyone else to bring along that wouldn't have been really, really inappropriate. but come on, they did meet for breakfast, not at a bar..... Link to comment
silentalways Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 why did u feel weird just because her daughter was there - u should have just being yerself and saved anything 'non-child' related for another time. hey, now-a-days there are a ton of single moms and single dads and they can always get alone time. i would have loved it if that was me. Link to comment
MrKadash Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 why did u feel weird just because her daughter was there - u should have just being yerself and saved anything 'non-child' related for another time. hey, now-a-days there are a ton of single moms and single dads and they can always get alone time. i would have loved it if that was me. I didn't feel weird - I have two children myself - but it was inordinately difficult or frustrating to make certain conversation I would normally have if we were alone. I waited almost eight weeks to meet with her (normally I wouldn't do that) and had no idea when I would get another chance, so I felt this was an opportunity for an impression I couldn't pass up. I just misjudged the effect her daughter would have on my ability to connect with her the way I wanted to, if that makes sense. I guess one of the best things about life is you continue to learn lessons, no matter your age or what you've been through. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 So...MrKadash - What's next? Will you two be seeing each other again?? Link to comment
MrKadash Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 I asked to see her again, and she agreed, but whether or not it will happen soon - who knows. Like I said before, I asked her out back in early October and got a yes, and just finally got with her. She is extremely attractive with a nice personality, but said something curious to me. She said dating was overrated due to the nature of emotions that guys had brought out to her in the past. I asked her why she dated then, and her response was to "pass the time." I guess I will call her an enigma for now. I really have never met one quite like her. Trying to decide whether it's worth the effort or challenge. I'm one to linger, so only time will tell. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 hmmmm enigma huh? WOW..... well, best of luck to you - keep us posted, yeh? Link to comment
Lion-Guy Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 She said dating was overrated due to the nature of emotions that guys had brought out to her in the past. Sounds like guys might get easily attached to her and reveal their feelings early on. Play it cool and confident and I think you will do fine. Good luck. Link to comment
MrKadash Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 Sounds like guys might get easily attached to her and reveal their feelings early on. Play it cool and confident and I think you will do fine. Good luck. I think that's exactly the issue. When I told her a relationship was optional at the moment she looked at me like I was high on narcotics. I said what you don't believe me and she said "not entirely." I'll let you all know what happens. Link to comment
n83 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Honestly I don't think she used good judgement bringing her daughter along.. Worst case scenario, cancel!! I'd never bring my son to a first date to "test" anyone.. that just seems over the top.. but either way, I hope that if (and when) you are able to go out with her, she doesn't bring her daughter again.. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now