Met my ex yesterday

[MeLoveHer]

So my story is that we broke up cos she was confused about her feelings (at the beginning she was into it, but in the end, confusion came and swiped her away).

 

After a month of partial NC. I say partial because she used to contact me through msn like once a week to "check" up on me. About 3 days ago she spoke to me on msn and i minimized her importance by doing 2 things:

 

- Mentioning another girl-friend of mine (as sort of a jealousy kind of thing)

- Didn't answer fast to her texts, which made her wonder why was i so busy (i could tell she was a little upset)

 

So yesterday we had this party at a local disco. She was in my group most of the time. I could tell she wanted me to be with her as friends, dancing and stuff... but i kept on having short conversations, minimizing the fact that she was there but still, being there when needed...

 

My point in i know all the thing of NC being for self heal and not for getting her back... but still heal with eventually occur. All i want to know is if what i did will eventually give her 2nd thoughts? Cos i can really tell she wants to have "me" same as before just without commitment, and that, i am not going to give her. I could tell be her reactions that she was a little upset / sad about this situation, but i cannot be friends with her atm, i simply think about her a lot and i prefer this NC thing to heal + raise chances of getting back.

[arrrrffff]

You clearly stated you do not want her as before.

 

It is wrong to use jealousy and try to look busy [were you actually busy?] to get her back as this is being selfish and not respecting her decision. You need to live your life and let her make the decision on her own. When your genuinly strong, can live without her, and get to the point where you don't need her in your life... your reunion, if it happens, will only be a strong one. Also, being in another relationship when you still want your ex back only sets your new girlfriend up for hurt.

 

Best wishes.

[Aschleigh]

yes that's where I am at the moment too. I miis my ex but can't just be around him without the realness of a committed relationship. He would love to go to a movie and have sex and then go back to doing whatever he's doing without me. I won't do it. I need a break, perhaps a long break from his drama and indecision. It's hard, but I am getting back a piece of me I lost in this relationship and it feels good right now.

[heloladies21]

This type of effect from psychological game playing is only temporary and that's why it's been proven to be ineffective. You might get temporary results from it, even up to the point of FWB and maybe a temporary relationship again, but as far as an all out relationship it just doesn't happen as the underlying problems haven't been addressed.

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

You made the mistake of putting this in the Getting Back Together forum as opposed to the Breaking Up section. That tells me exactly why you're doing the NC.

 

That sort of faux pas screams desperation. You made that mistake on an internet forum, guess what other mistakes you've probably made IRL?

 

You can pretend you don't want her back all you want, but you'll only look like your pretending. The body will always betray you no matter how much you attempt to cover up your true intentions.

 

She knows you only mentioned that girl to make her jealous and she knows you were keeping the conversations short to make her want you more. Don't try to fake it.

 

Tell her your true feelings and if she still hangs you out to dry, why the hell do you want to stick around for that? You'll get a pit in your stomach when she tells you "she just needs a friend." That's your body saying, "screw this, let's find something else."

 

So go find someone who won't do that and stop playing the games.

[MeLoveHer]

arrrrfff you misunderstood what i said.

 

I want the girl back to me. I just don't want to be friends with her and act the same as i acted when we were bf and gf.

 

About the jealousy thing...

 

The other girls gave me a few "signals" and offered me a ride to the disco, which is something i did not lie about the my ex. On our msn chat, she asked how i was going to the disco and with whom... so i did not lie on that part.

 

About being busy, i was busy doing other things on the comp yes. She even asked me "what are you doing, why you answer so slowly" - so you see she was upset that i wasn't giving her the proper attention... I simply answered that i was doing nothing special

 

Ofc i won't hide the fact that i am doing NC to step away from her and win her back... So you see, as part of me wants her back, i think i must "play the game" not in the bad sense, to raise my odds.

 

The new girl is more attractive and out-going than my ex. Still, i still love her and i would prefer being with my ex

 

 

@ helloladies, what is FWB? The underlying problem is the fact that i put her in a pedestal while we were dating, cos she was my first gf and i was so thrilled that i gave myself away... now this is why i think i must act this way as an act of self heal + trying to get her back

 

So again, i pose the question, is this the right thing to do? Should i be acting some other way?

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

 

So again, i pose the question, is this the right thing to do? Should i be acting some other way?

 

You shouldn't be acting at all. You should be being yourself.

 

So she falls in love with the "playing hard to get" version of you. How long are you going to have to keep that up?

 

I'd say, go with the girl that likes you for who you are. You'd be amazed how well that works.

[heloladies21]

FWB is frinds with benefits. Basically sleeping with each other and doing all of the things a couple would do without the exclusive couple designation.

 

But this is a problem with acting this way, you're eventually gonna have to give up the act because you can't keep it up forever. Then the break up happens again.

 

Whether it's right or wrong morally is no concern to me. That's for you to decide. But this method does not work to win back your ex.