How far can you go to message a person on a dating site?

[fox_91]

Ok this one is kind of odd, but the case came up. I read a dating profile on a pay site, the girl seems interesting enough to contact to try to communicate with, but the problem with the sites are that if they don't have the service they can't read the email you send them to let them know how to contact you.

 

I am a computer major and very good at finding information given a little info (google can do a lot!). The person on their profile had their initials, major, year in college listed. I knew what town they were in as well. With that information I was able to find the school in the area that has the major (It was a rather odd major, Interior Design, so not many schools in this are offer it). This school also has a student directory, that you can look up students by name. I searched by her initials, and found 1 match, but no middle name listed. To confirm it, I was able to google her name, which turned up the school's site listing her middle name, which matched to her initials.

 

So basically I am 99% sure that this person is the one from the profile, but I am afraid to email her, because I kind of circumvented the dating site, and had to sleuth to find her contact info. But I didn't do anything that couldn't be done given the information on the site. Most people use their Myspace names or something so that is a easy check, but she required more work.

 

I would much like to talk to her, but most girls seem to not keep subscriptions to the sites and most messages go unread. Her profile seems to indicate that she is intelligent, but messaging her could come out like I am very stalkerish, which isn't my intent at all.

 

Any way to msg her without shooting myself in the foot?

[hosswhispra]

Wow, I admire your detection work. It also affirms that if a guy is really interested they will find you

 

However, I think it would be best to contact her through the dating site. Otherwise, your awesome detective skills may likely freak her out. How do you know that she does not have a paid subscription?

[fox_91]

well i don't. it doesn't say, its link removed, and non-members can't read emails. Of course you could join to read it, but i know i don't just grab a subscription for anyone who messages me.

[BornToResist]

MY opinion would be...scary!

 

Sorry dude.

 

I can tell you're really not a creep because you're here asking if it's creepy, but it would seem like it if I was her.

 

Good job though, you obviously got the brains!

[hosswhispra]

but i know i don't just grab a subscription for anyone who messages me.

 

Well she isn't you. If she fancies your profile and she doen't have a paid subscription, maybe she'll join just for you

 

Trust me, going about it any other way will scare her away !

[Beec]

I think you will come accross as a stalker if you let her know you went through all this effort. So, if you do contact her, keep your mouth shut.

 

You could consider making up a story as to someone suggesting you date her, and giving you some info, but the details might need to come out, and so, you run the risk of lying, being seen as a stalker, etc.

 

However, you have so much info on her, perhaps you can arrange to place yourself somewhere that she might be, and then seemingly innocently strike up a conversation. If you do this, bring your A game.

 

There was a webhoax "coincidence design", about which you find info here: link removed; and you might be able to create your own coincidence. Otherwise, join the site, on which you saw her profile, and contact her.

[hosswhispra]

^^^Wow, now the point is really driven home **ladies, are you 'listening'**

 

If a guy is really interested---> They will find you

[fox_91]

Well the only problem with emailing her, is that yeh i could keep my mouth shut, but i did message her on the site, so anyone with some wits could figure that i'm the same person. And the fact that there is no contact info in her profile other than her initials as her user name. makes any thing I say about how if found her seem rather transparent. I was not trying to come off stalkerish really, there have been plenty of people that I saw their profiles, and a simple myspace search turned them up to contact directly. but this has a few more degrees that had to be done to do it. I guess if i decide to contact her, i will wait a couple days. Just kinda sucks that the ability to do this is out there, but so few people accept it lol

[need2bme]

I know someone who did exactly the same thing. That person remembered the dropping of the person's name and other pertinent info that you can figure out, if you are observent. A few clicks and BOOM! the person was found.

 

Me, myself, I paid attention to things that were said also, as well as pet names, job titles, companies, etc. With a little leg work, I found out a little bit about a girl I was going to date too.

 

I was also told once that quite a few people will use Google to find out info on a prospective date.

 

I see nothing wrong with it, quite frankly and my name comes up as a murderer. Oh, and even though I was not careful enough to NOT let someone see me on this site, I did not use any info that I normally would as to give myself away.

 

So, no, I don't think it was stalkerish, but my opinion won't matter when she shuts you down. Join the site and email her that way. It is only $29.99 for the first month. (Not that I ever used one)...

[Cardinal]

See if the site offers a free trial.

 

If she is on a dating site, chances are she has a myspace account. If you make your search specific enough, maybe you can find her myspace profile. Or find her on facebook. If you find her there, you strike gold and can mail her free.

 

If not pay for the site and haggle your money back if she doesn't respond.

 

If the site bills through paycom or something like that, you can just claim that you found a bunch of fake profiles (true) and you were scammed. They'll take it right off your credit card. Use the fact that dating sites allow fake profiles to your advantage.

[fox_91]

I did some looking, no Myspace that i saw, or Facebook but there seems to be some confusion, I have a link removed account, so I was able to (and did) send her a email using their site. But I know that if you don't have a paid subscription then you can't read the emails that members send, so all she would get is a message saying that someone emailed her but it doesn't say who (which is why i wink at the same time so they can figure it out). I'm still considering emailing her, but i might do so with a email account that isn't the one i used for the site.

 

I guess I am wondering, if I email her and she is upset at the fact, do you think link removed could close my account for circumventing their site? Its not like I hacked their site to get this info, it was all posted by her.

[Lansing]

I think you should drop it. Why would she enroll at link removed if she has no intention of paying to read people's e-mails... It sounds like she isn't interested. Is there no way to tell if someone read your message like on other dating sites?

 

You will look weird by contacting her... and if she doesn't respond, you will be disappointed... Move on to another girl.

[fox_91]

You can pay some additional money to see when people read your emails, i am unsure if that means they have acknowledged receiving it or have a subscription to actually read it. But I have noticed that most people I message there do not have subscriptions, and if it wasn't for myspace they would have never known I messaged them. I don't know why they do that. as for paying to read. my subscription is up in a week or 2, and if did this i would want to get both at the same time so they expire at the same time.

[Cardinal]

A quick note. I subscribed to a similar addition to my match account. They simply prorated the charge over the remainder of my subscription. So I wasn't overcharged.

[afonselaca]

You can pay for the read message notification but that doesn't do much for you except tell you they logged in and read the message online. I have the messages delivered to my personal email addy and don't go login to match unless I want to read the person's profile. So, you wouldn't know for sure that I read it.

 

You really don't know for sure whether or not she is a paid member. She could be a paid member and choose not to reply.

 

I guess if you really want to do things "right" you could call match and ask to pay for one month of subscription service for her.

 

I cringe at the Googling thing. I personally wouldn't be receptive to someone who sleuthed me out but that is just me.

 

HTH

[Beec]

When it comes down to it, yes, I think you will scare her off by tacking her down. However, what do you have to lose? If you contact her and she says no, then you are where you are without ever contacting her, unless you find some way to meet her.

[Aurian]

When it comes down to it, yes, I think you will scare her off by tacking her down. However, what do you have to lose? If you contact her and she says no, then you are where you are without ever contacting her, unless you find some way to meet her.

 

Sounds good to me. I would be rather nervous about a guy tracking me down like that, but if you're not going to meet her any other way, then give it a try!

 

You miss 100% of the shots you do not take...

[Batya33]

I was messaged once by someone who did his detective work - I didn't mind.