I Hate Sex

[DarkOrchid]

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. I started to date him when I was 16 and he has been my first everything. Im really starting to feel guilty about our relationship. For the past two years we have rarely had sex mainly becuase I just cant stand it. I hate the anxiety I feel when hes on me, or even when Im on him. When we do have sex the only thing Im thinking is please hurry up. Its not enjoyable and I am never aroused. I have so much guilt, I think hes going to break up with me soon If I don't fix whatever is wrong with me. Is it normal for a 20 year old to have such a low labido? Or is there something wrong with me?

[Anastasia_Mixali]

Have you ever had an orgasm, while having sex or via masturbation?

[DarkOrchid]

Yes, I have had many orgasms via masturbation. I would rather masturbate anyday then have to deal with all the combative emotions I go through when I force myself to have sex.

[Beec]

I think the guilt here is the thing you need to think about. Why do you feel guilty?? What do you feel guilty about? Does your guilt come from your religious beliefs? Cultural standards or standards of your parents? Elsewhere?

[jsx730]

Maybe it's due to your view/attitude about the whole thing?

 

You shouldn't be "forcing" yourself to have sex.

 

Maybe try creating situations where you are with your boyfriend in romantic situations, but agree ahead of time to not actually have sex.

 

Maybe one night, make a nice dinner, watch a romantic movie, light some candles, and hold each other and makeout.

 

Then a few nights later, do something similar, but maybe this time get naked and lay together, but still no sexual advances. Just try and be comfortable with your boyfriend.

 

Then move on a similar situation, only have your boyfriend focus is effort solely on making you cum, or laying/petting/kissing you while you make yourself cum.

 

Just continue a similar pattern until you can work yourself up to a place where you WANT to have sex, and not just because he wants it.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years now. We live together. Shortly after we moved in, when the newness of the apartment wore off, my girlfriend went through a similar period. She still wanted and enjoyed sex, only much less often then normal. She started feeling like it was an obligation. We took a break for a few weeks, slowly worked back up to things, and now we're both on the same page.

[DarkOrchid]

I have been struggling with the basis behing my gulilt for a very long time. I don't know where it stems from. But I always have an overwhelming sense of gulilt whenever he tries to pleasure me. I feel guilty that hes pleasuring ME when I should be the one pleasuring him.

[jsx730]

I feel guilty that hes pleasuring ME when I should be the one pleasuring him.

 

 

No, you should be pleasuring each other. It's a two way street.

 

But regardless, in a relationship, sex shouldn't be about pleasure. It should be about the emotional bond that you feel with someone enough to let them connect with you in such an intimate way.

[Anastasia_Mixali]

I know exactly what you mean. I think you should talk to him and ask him if you can take a break from sex, and you should do some soul-searching, re-evaluate your feelings for him and the relationship- I think you need to come up for air-take a break before you permanently damage yourself emotionally by 'forcing' yourself to have sex.

[Cadence308]

I think you should think about trying some of the things jsx suggested.

 

Have you been sexually abused in the past? Does your disgust for sex stem from something like that?

[jsx730]

Another thing:

 

My GF's past relationship was a bad one. By the end of the relationship, she just had sex to make him happy (rarely) and when she did, she hated it and wanted it to be done as quick as possible.

 

How's your relationship with your boyfriend? If you don't have that bond/trust between the two of you, I could see it causing your problem.

[birdgirl]

Were you/are you religious? That always causes me guilt. Have you had any traumatic sexual experiences? Really low self-esteem can cause guilty feelings during sex, too. I struggle with this stuff too.

[itsallgrand]

Do you want to be with him anymore? Is it possible that in your heart you are wanting to leave this relationship, but the thought of it is too much to bear?

That could cause guilt.

[quietgrl]

could you be asexual?

[candy604]

mmm...maybe ur not attracted to him anymore. Also do you have any issues in your relationship that are a problem right now? usually for me, i feel pleasing my bf a chore b/c there's so many things in my relationship that are not fixed. Maybe ur not emotianal satisifed by ur bf.

[Beec]

I have been struggling with the basis behing my gulilt for a very long time. I don't know where it stems from. But I always have an overwhelming sense of gulilt whenever he tries to pleasure me. I feel guilty that hes pleasuring ME when I should be the one pleasuring him.

 

So, you have no problem taking yourself to orgasm, and you don't feel guilty pleasuring him, but you do feel guilty when he is pleasuring you, correct? hhhmmm, that's a big yikes to me. Why would it be fine for you to receive pleasure during masturbation, but not during sex. In my entirely amateur analysis, it seems there are some subconscious thoughts going on, if you really do not know, that tells you you are not supposed to be experiencing pleasure from what he is doing, as if you are not worth it or something. Perhaps, something speaking to your subconscious, like self hypnosis, could give you a different set of thoughts on that level.

[DarkOrchid]

Well the funny thing is...I really cant stand him. Ever since we moved in together I have noticed how insensitive and inconsiderate he is. Hes pretty much an * * * * * * * altogether. But he does make me laugh. Hes such a funny guy. I know, dumbest exscuse ever to stay with someone whose a jerk. And I was sexual abused breifly when I was rather young, I just can't remember the details to well. I really doubt thats it though, it doesnt affect me in normal life. And to whoever said asexual, thats what I was thinking to. I just didn't really think it was possible for people to be asexual. Comforting thought. Thanks to all who responded

[candy604]

the way you describe him to me, sounds like you aren't attracted to him anymore and he is bothering you instead of being a bf/lover. That's probably why u can't stand sex with him. so i don't really think you hate the idea of sex. Just sex with him.

 

perhaps you need a break from the relationship and find someone else who isn't a jerk towards you. I find for myself with no emotional connection = no attraction.

 

Same situation, my bf is inconsiderate and just irratiates me,so thus I naturally limited our physical contact to just kissing or a hug. I don't think i can stand doing anything more than that as of now.

[unface]

Seek professional help my little monkey.

[jsx730]

Well the funny thing is...I really cant stand him.

 

This is your problem.

 

My girlfriend's previous realtionship was exactly the same. She drug it out for 3 years making stupid little excuses to stay with him. You need to be real honest with yourself here. Do you need to leave this relationship?