Honesty: How much is too much?

[david90]

I know that honesty is important when it comes to building trust and relationship but how much is too much? Is there something that you wouldn't share with others or be honest about even though you believe in honesty?

[Batya33]

I believe in honesty. I do not believe in telling all, in being tactless or thoughtless. Telling all doesn't make you any more honest than being honest about what it is you do say - but telling all might mean you are tactless, thoughtless, selfish or manipulative.

 

I weigh whether the information is unsolicited advice (then I don't), whether it is something negative the person already knows (then I don't), the timing (if she is feeling vulnerable/fragile I leave it for another day, if at all), and whether she will be able to "hear" it.

 

I did not tell my cousin when she was dying that I knew she was dying. when i said goodbye to her that last time I did not say a 'forever" goodbye. That was for her benefit - I wish I could have said a real goodbye but she hadn't been told how bad her situation was.

 

I did not tell my friend I didn't like her new boyfriend. I evaded her question about what I thought, saying that I didn't get enough of a chance to know him. Later she found out what I thought - I decided to tell her since she had the same issues I had. This was a mistake. I either should have told her then or not at all.

 

I do not like when people throw around the term "honest" as an excuse to be hurtful. "I'm just being honest - you're biological clock is ticking!" etc.

 

I also do not think it's fair when someone asks me to be honest but then doesn't want to hear it.

[Blue Skittles]

I don't like to tell my boyfriends about past relationships or who i have slept with, whats in the past is in the past.

[Aschleigh]

I think it's about figuring out what is relevent to the relationship, and what is comfortable between the people in a relationship. I like a lot of information. I like to be able to tell my significant other everything.

I want to be told everything that is important to him or us.

I feel comfortable discussing past relationships, it gives an idea of where I have been and what I learned. My ex talked about his past relationship so much I knew he wasn't really through it yet.

I'm an open book, I want to be with some one who is an open book too. Just my preference.

[GeneralLee]

I think honesty, and not keeping any secrets from someone aren't quite the same thing. Truth be told, and this applies to everybody, there are some things even the good lord doesn't need to know about. If everyone is better off not knowing something, then there is no reason to tell them. If you had an interspecies erotic experience some years ago, no one needs to know. That's between you and God (and that poor animal). If you cheated on your girlfriend, or stole money from someone, then you need to be HONEST and man up about it.

[charley]

I know that honesty is important when it comes to building trust and relationship but how much is too much? Is there something that you wouldn't share with others or be honest about even though you believe in honesty?

 

I believe in honesty. That means don't lie. It does not mean that you tell all you've done, or have not done, in the past; nor every thought that comes through your head.

 

I used to err on the side of tell all honesty. No more. Women are not prepared to hear every thought that comes through any man's head. For that matter, neither are other men. For example, you think your male friend's GF is hot and you're attracted to her. Are you going to tell him that? I hope not. For another example, you think your GF's girlfriend is hot and you're attracted to her friend. Are you going to tell your GF that? I hope not.

 

Don't lie about things, but feel free to leave things out. As a guiding rule to know what to include vs. leave out, consider if it helps her/him or hurts her/him to know. Consider if it's something she'd or he'd want to know, or needs to know.