monkey1 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 how do you feel about making out? i thought about telling my bf (who recently came to visit!!!!!) "OOo, let's go home and make out!!" while he was here, but I didn't. when i mentioned to him later on how much i wanted to kiss and make out with him, he thought it was a little ... juvenile. he said he only makes out if he's too tired for sex. he apologized later for the way he came off, but i guess it made me feel kinda stupid. thoughts? Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 why is making out juvenille? what, just because we are over 21, that means it's sex or nothing? Link to comment
Magic_star829 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hey, Ok I don't care how old you are, I don't think Making out is juvenille! Also I for sure don't think it should be seen as an activity to do instead of sex! Maybe he has some issues with it?? Just curious is he into foreplay or does he think that is juvenille as well?? Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 his thing was he said that making out usually leads to sex after the age of 15. we had really come along way sexually when he visited, but what's wrong with making out? i don't think he has issues with it, but it seemed kinda retarded. he was a bit of a jerk during some foreplay for the first half of his visit, but he made up for it later on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I think making out is fun. I think it's kind of formulaic if sex happens EVERY TIME there is a kiss or embrace. what is wrong with just fooling around a little? was he a jerk in other ways? Link to comment
Magic_star829 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hmmmm OK well it sounds a bit like he may just care about his satisfaction.....if you know what I mean.....but it's good that he did make it up to you. Still tho tell him how you feel about it, I have never heard of a guy saying they thought that of making out... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Ewl. He sounds jerky on this subject. My boyfriend and I are 40 and we love kissing each other. He makes a point of telling me that it is totally fine if we don't end up having sex and never to feel like it has to lead anywhere. We also love cuddling. I also love the way we sometimes hold hands - like a secret language between us that can be kind of sexy. I could not date anyone who did not value forms of physical intimacy other than sex. Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 he's actually quite an affectionate person, probably more than i am. he loooooooves cuddling up in bed, holding hands, giving me kisses here and there. i actually wanted to jump him from the second i saw him, but i also missed kissing him a lot! it's a ldr, by the way. like i said, he was a bit of a jerk the first half of his stay with me in the bedroom department, but i think the second half, i think i set him straight with the 2 BJ's i gave him. it made him suspect that i got some practice in elsewhere because apparently i was so good considering i was a newbie. i think at some point i'll have a chat with him on some issues in the bedroom department. like i said, he did apologize, but wasn't sure if he was just the odd man out or if others thought the same way. i agree, making out is fun, but the last time we did that ... well it's been aaaaaaaaaaages. i totally wanted to fool around when he was there any time we had a second alone. but i didn't want to smother him completely. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Obviously I can only respond to what you type but it sounds to me like if you need to set him straight - i.e. be manipulative making him think you had experience elsewhere - with oral sex that this is not a healthy relationship. Link to comment
SkylinesTurnstiles Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Well noting is sort of juvenile.Eberyone has different thoughts on things.Like dolls and toys. Some little girls can 'grow out' of toys at a really young age but there are some people like me who will never grow out of them. Making out is fun.Its not like having sex or anything like that cause its not all about sex. Hope my random rant helps Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Obviously I can only respond to what you type but it sounds to me like if you need to set him straight - i.e. be manipulative making him think you had experience elsewhere - with oral sex that this is not a healthy relationship. Nooo, no, no, no. I was joking. Well, see we were having some sex issues and i was, er, well horny. i really wanted him to get me off and i was trying to direct him into what i wanted him to do (he was using his hand, not oral). and he was a bit rude to me while he was doing it saying i was being bossy and such. of course, this didn't help me climax and was a turn off to me. i felt weird and totally annoyed after. i kind of took it that he didn't want to pleasure me or be with me. and i was irritated that i was more than happy to pleasure him and didn't complain, but he didn't seem to care to return the favor. anyway, i had emailed him that day saying i was feeling weird about what had happened. he had apologized before i had left for work, but it was still hurt. he had reponded saying that i needed to be less abrupt when asking for assistance. my reponse was "ok. i would appreciate it a lot if you didn't act like it was a chore. i'd rather you not do it than rather complain about it while you're doing it which is a major turn off and makes me feel really bad. i don't mind giving you attention and make you feel happy and relaxed, but please don't whine when i ask for it in return. that will only make me not want to do anything for you. i think it's only fair." it never came up again and i think it's because he didn't read that email until we got home late that night and i had already gone to sleep. i do recall him saying something alone the lines of "what the?" i think he had read my email, but i didn't want to wake up fully to see what he was responding too ... i had to get up the next morning to work and i was already running on little sleep. i did mention to him when he saw i was upset about something to him, that i was just kinda upset that we hadn't really had much sex. he said he did want to be with me and threw me on the bed. it was so-so. i felt like he was only doing it because i was upset about it. i was kinda hoping for him to seduce me rather than do it like "oh, she's upset. let's have sex now then." and the oral sex ... i'm not going to use that as a way to guilt trip him into pleasuring me. i have no experience in oral sex whatsoever. so when i tried it on him, i was fairly clueless as to what i was doing. i even told him before that the next time we were together, he was going to have to tell me what to do because i don't know what i'm doing. but apparently i did ok and he said to me that i was really good and joked that he wasn't sure that i wasn't practicing elsewhere. i was surprised he said that because i had no idea what i was doing. like i said before, he did make up for it in the end, but i guess i'm still a little curious as to what he thought about what i said and why we didn't have sex more often while he was here. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 OK. I have never had a relationship like yours with those types of dynamics/interactions about sex so I cannot relate or give my input. Curious - are you ok with a man you are intimate with sending you an email or saying "what the f__?" to you in that manner? (or in any manner?). Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 wait - is this your Long distance boyfriend you only see 1 time a year? Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 he orginally went to sweden to take a quick holiday to use up his vacation time. i was disappointed and kinda irked he didn't come see me. he could tell i was bothered, but what was i going to do. so the second day he was in sweden, everything was hitting the fan and decided he wanted to come visit me. i said ok and he was here 10 days and spent thankgiving with my family. it was awkward him meeting my family, but it was ok. i bought a plane tix several weeks back to visit him in feb for valentine's day. i sent him an email last night kinda asking why we didn't have more sex while he was here. he apologized and said he just had a lot on his mind and plus he was jet lagged. it took him a couple days to relax and then he was fine. he didn't act like he was upset that i sent him the email. i just expressed how different this visit was than his previous visits and just curious as to why. it's not like we didn't have sex because when we did, wow, yeah ... i wasn't pissed at him for the lack of sex that occurred, more like disappointed, but things happen for a reason. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 it doesn't sound good that if you only see him a few times a year, and he acts grumpy when he is with you. why are you with him? do you two have plans to wind up in the same city one day? Link to comment
hk87 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Making out is a type of intimacy on its own. It should not always lead to sex. Kissing, cuddling etc are all parts of showing someone you love them and care for them. I would feel let down if my b/f always wanted sex only from me! Hk87 Link to comment
gift from the gods Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 woahhhh...... making out is literly the best thing in the world. sex is fantastic but nothing compares to rolling round in bed doing nothing but kissing... i couldnt go out with someone that didnt like it. Its so intimate and passionate and such a tease without having to do anything, its so safe and enjoyable and theres never enought time to kiss, theres so many ways of making out.....mmmmm i just love it!!! Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 it doesn't sound good that if you only see him a few times a year, and he acts grumpy when he is with you. why are you with him? do you two have plans to wind up in the same city one day? he was a bit grumpy because he had just taken a holiday where a friend from childhood turned out to be a huge jerk and hostile making his visit very uncomfortable. he called me from sweden in a panic and depressed feeling lonely saying he wanted to come visit me asap. so he spent $1000 to reroute his plane ticket to come out to see me and took a long flight over. he was jetlagged, tired, getting over a cold and i think everything was just taking a toll on him. i could tell he was stressed and having a hard time relaxing, because he was thinking about his life, where it's going and if he was ever going to settle down (with me). i'm with him because he loves me and i love him. we've both been through a lot with each other' ups and downs since we've known each other. this last year has been really difficult for us and the distance had taken a toll on us emotionally. he makes me so happy when we're together and even though he has his own faults like we all do, i'm still willing to put up with them to be with him. this visit was exactly what we needed because now we both know we do want to be together, whether's in the us or uk. i'm planning on going in feb to visit him for a week or so and i think then we can figure out what we want to do so we can be together long term. as for the making out thing, i think it was a miscommunication (gotta love IM). Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 How much time have you actually spent in person with him? Link to comment
bitbit Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 i HATE it when guys kiss just hoping it will lead to sex. i love to make out and i don't always want to have sex just b/c i'm kissing. i hope your boyfriend doesn't reserve kissing just for the bedroom. if so, he's missing out on a huge part of the fun of a relationship. Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 How much time have you actually spent in person with him? not long enough! we have along way to go in getting to know each other more. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I see. That seems a bit inconsistent with what you said in your last post about having been through a lot, wanting to make an official commitment, being in love, etc., but ok! Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 well, we do love each other and want to be together, but i'm soooo not ready for marriage yet. i think we should be in the same location (which is a commitment in itself), date for a while and make sure we want to be together, as in get married, etc. i don't want to get married and then find out "yeah, this isn't going to work." you find out a lot about each other when you're around in person. believe me, i found out a lot about him in his visit than i did in previous visits. make better sense? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 We just have different definitions of what it means to love and want to be with a person - thanks for explaining yours. Link to comment
monkey1 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 We just have different definitions of what it means to love and want to be with a person - thanks for explaining yours. what's your definition? Link to comment
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