"Exclusive" Need advice from guys specially!

[Magic_star829]

Need2bme: So what are you saying? Can you elaborate more on your situation? So she was coming on strong as in she wanted you to make it official? And then what happened? Are you saying it's me the problem?

[need2bme]

Magic_star829:

 

Are you saying it's me the problem?

 

No. I was using you, to mean her. I should watch my pronouns and when I use a second person pronoun. ;-)

 

I will reply more about my sitch later. I am at work right now. I just wanted you to know I was not blaming you.

[Magic_star829]

Oh ok Cool, thanks I think hearing your situation might help mine

[silentalways]

i'm old fashioned - if i am 'dating' someone, that's it - no-one else. if i am interested enuff to 'date' that person that means i am giving them my focus. i know most people don't do that. i guess it depends on why u are dating. if it is to start being in a relationship or just to play the field. i have friends that have 'dated' many chickitas at the same time - no idea how they do that but they seem to enjoy it - so, what the hay!

[Magic_star829]

Yeah...well he did say he wasn't seeing anyone, so really we both agreed not to see other people...but I"m just wondering about when it becomes GF from that point.

[Batya33]

Yeah...well he did say he wasn't seeing anyone, so really we both agreed not to see other people...but I"m just wondering about when it becomes GF from that point.

 

When he decides he is not keeping his options open - just because he is not seeing anyone now doesn't mean he thinks he is not allowed to see anyone else.

[need2bme]

Magic_star829: OK, so my story it this:

 

I was in a club. This girlie (please don't slam me for that term - I have been called a boy and a dude ;-) ), comes up and speaks to my friends and I. She stays at our table and flirts for a while. She leaves and comes back numerous times. All the time, I am not really paying attention and trying to direct her to my friend. I feel something on my shirt and it is her, playing with it, while talking to my friend. She notices that I notice and stops. So, I finally realize (I know, duh!) that she is flirting with me, not them.

 

So, we spend some time talking and laughing and a little cute hand holding and she asks me out. I give her my number with no reservations and tell her to call me if she wants to. The next morning she calls and we decide to get something to eat later. Later that evening we spend a couple of hours talking at the restaurant and the waitress actually has to ask us to order so they don't close before we eat.

 

When we are leaving, I go to kiss her and she kisses back, big time. On the way to my car, we are now doing the kissing and hand holding (yeah, I know it was quick, but it felt good). So, my friend calls and asks if we would like to go bowling. I ask her and she says, "Sure I'll go". I thought, "how cool is that?" So we go and everyone thinks we have been together forever.

 

I see her over the next couple of weekends with her always making the moves. All of the same things. Hand holding, kissing, flirting, nibbling on the neck, messing around (no sex - my choice) and all the time she is asking questions that are deal breakers, such as kids (eventually), past relationship, who broke up with whom, why did I stay so long after we were not in love anymore and so forth. Of course when I asked her the same stuff, she was really nervous, but in her defense I believe she answered honestly.

 

So, we get deep in the convos, with her sending me texts about falling for me, feeling natural, wanting my arms around her, feeling safe, and on and on. So, I keep saying, "why don't we wait and see what happens." Now I gotta tell ya that when someone gives you that much attention, when you haven't had it in a while, it does get to you. I started to get closer and started falling a little myself. The sirens were blaring, but I did not listen.

 

So, fast forward to Thanksgiving weekend. All up until the night before, she was sending me texts about how much she cared and how much she wanted to be with me. She even text me to figure out why I had not answered an email sent that morning, for Heaven's sake. That night we are sitting together and all of the sudden she get distant. We go to bed and I am messing around with her. Then, comes, "I am tired and don't feel like messing around". I said, "oh, is that what I am doing". Needless to say, nothing happened.

 

So the next day she is all over me in a bad way, with questions, comments about the way I kiss, how I have said some things that hurt her and so forth. Let me remind you that she invited me. So we do the Thanksgiving thing, which I thought went well (in hindsight, I guess I was wrong ). Then we get back to her house and I have NEVER seen her or anyone else for that matter, that distant. I finally got tired of it quite frankly and asked her.

 

She mentioned that she was feeling smothered and we were moving too fast. She wanted some time to herself. I still had 3 more days there. So, from speeding bullet to turtle in 1 day. I got a little angry and told her that I hope she did not do this to any other guy. I cooled down a little later and told her that I understood. After all my friend did convince me that it WAS scaring me and I DID want it to slow down.

 

So, she texts me to find out if I flew home early, which I didn't and then asks if I want to go to lunch that Sunday. Well, we go to lunch and she is still as cold. She get a text on the way and thinks it is funny. Checks her watch at lunch and does not want to do anything after. So, she texts me that night to let me know about a tv show and then the next day to ensure I had a safe flight. Just short, small talk texts. So, I text her back and nothing. I email her later in the week and nothing.

 

She calls me the next week and talks to me for about an hour and a half, at which time the convo lulls in places and I should have ended it, but let her. So, I text her and email her a couple of times that week and again, nothing. So, ok fine. Then my birthday comes up. Now she had been talking about it the whole time we were together, and no call. Never mind that she planned to go to a party with me and a concert, and subsequently cancelled both.

 

So, no call=flaming text. I just said she could have said "Hi", or "at least go to hell", so I knew where I stood. Then she text me that she "forgot" and she is "so sorry" and that she is "forgetful". OK, fine so I talk to her for a while and probably should not have as I was not happy and should have waited. I waited to answer the phone and she sends a text asking if I have company. What is that?

 

She is the one that said she only wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive. So now she is acting just plain weird. So, we talk for a while and then just finish the convo in just weird bye kinda thing.

 

So, it starts eating at me and later that weekend, I call her and tell her that what she told me and how she treated me over Thanksgiving weekend was not cool. So, we talk for a very little while and she informs me that I need to be a little more silly (gimme a break, people ask me all the time to "please be serious"), I need to not speak to her as if I am trying to convince her of something (presumably what I am saying - but if I was doing that, it would have been due to me feeling like I had to and if I did that was certainly my mistake).

 

So after getting told what she thinks is now wrong with me, once again. She says that I am too commited to her, using the fact I got mad about my birthday as evidence. She then says that she always goes for non-commital guys. Huh? Um, ok, well that is not what she was projecting. I then told her that I just wanted her to understand what she did and how it would effect someone. to which she replied that I wanted her to apologize over and over again. She started getting heated and quite frankly I did not know what to say to the attack and I told her so.

 

I told her that I did not even know what to say to all of that, so to have a good night tomorrow night and I would talk to her later. She said ok and I said bye and hung up. That was this past Sunday and we have not text, emailed or spoken since.

 

So, my whole point was that she came on to me. She started all of the BF/GF/exclusive talk. She started it ALL and then when I came forward, she backed off with all the talk about how I did things wrong. They were ok when she was "falling for me". I got past many dates with no problem and I stopped the sex.

 

So, I was just saying that it was nice to see a girl that wants to commit.

[Magic_star829]

Need2bme: Thanks so much for sharing your story! I totally get what you were saying now..and frankly sounds like she was playing games with you. Hopefully you do find that girl that wants to commit I do admit tho, that I have thought of pulling away from him because this place is a very scary and vulnerable place for me particularly because of past experiences...but I like him so much that I am willing to stick it out for a while yet. And Baytya: He also said he had no interest in dating anyone else, and would let me know if he did, and I would do the same. I know still not as good as BF yet,but better than just not seeing other people at the time I hope.

[charley]

Based on first post, I was thinking he just wanted to be friends. I've cuddled with a platonic woman friend before (clothes on) with no interest in sex. We just liked each other, but no sexual attraction. That happens.

 

My cuddling with a female friend was in the distant past. It was only an affection thing, not a sex thing. In more recent times I stick to the occasional hug only, or maybe a clothes on backrub (given or received) with the recipient sitting in a chair, the giver standing up behind them.

 

I don't see anything wrong with cuddling with a female friend, except one thing - it confuses people. That's why I wouldn't do that anymore, unless I had interest beyond a friend. Well, maybe I still would if she initiated it and we discussed things so there was no misunderstandings. However, I would not initiate cuddling anymore, unless I had intent beyond a friend. I don't like misunderstandings.

 

However, then you mention that part about how you both agree that you don't want to date other people. That does not sound like friends to me.

 

My women friends and me want each other to date other people since we aren't dating each other.

 

So after reading your first post, I'm as confused as you are. I have no idea what is going on with this guy. I can see why you are confused.

[Magic_star829]

Charley, yeah I can say for sure it's not just friends situation...as we've been steadily moving forward sexually (still no sex, but that is because of me, I'm a little slow and because of things that happened when I was young it takes me longer to trust) But nonetheless, we have been going forward, and I really do feel as if he likes me, and have decided not to push the labelling of GF, at least for another month or so.