HUGE Fight

[Trisomy21]

So, my girlfriend and I have been having a fight for the last two days, it finally and inevitably escalated.

 

It started off with her questioning my loyalty, intergrity and morals again...

She's constantly asking questions with implications regarding pornography and infidelity, neither of which I'm interested in. Obviously having these questions asked constantly, by someone you love is hurtful and frustrating.

 

Example, the other day she found link removed in the IE history, she then searches for the word "porn" and I could only imagine she saw "sexually explicit content."

and then proceeded to totally freak out. Nope, she didn't even bother reading the whole page which states.

Your search term probably relates to adult content. Photobucket "DOES NOT" host sexually explicit content.

 

Warning: If you are under 18 or live in an area where it is illegal for you to view explicit content link removed.

If you are over 18 and are looking for adult content, you can visit the advertiser below.

 

That's right. DOES NOT HOST!...*sigh*

We kind of patch things up over night, or at least I thought we did.

First thing she says to me this morning is...

"you know, you're Irish, and not Catholic, that makes you a * * * * *"

And then in google toolbar search history I see "dirty * * * *" (aimed at me).

 

So round #2 begins.

 

Most recently, she DEMANDS that I give her a smoke...She hardly smokes, we're on a very tight budget for the next few days and I have 8 cigarettes left. Obviously I say "no". she then gives me this speech about how she doesn't rely on cigarettes etc...Wow, so giving her one would really be a waste!

 

Anyhow, after that, she begins to threaten to pour wine inside of my monitor...I take this seriously due to the fact that she once tried to throw a shoe at it, which happened to hit me in the face while I was smoking and shoot hot sparks all in my face. So I prepare to restrain her, which inevitably leads to her breaking a wine glass (we have a dog and cat that could cut their paws on it) and then tosses a new book from the library, which I'll inevitably have to pay for...

 

Anyhow, I grabbed her, and she tripped and wound up on the ground. I restrained her...Apparently this is abuse? She gets on the phone with my mom and says I abused her...What the * * * *? Am I here?

 

Anyhow, stay away from complete lunatics kids, and NEVER move in with one.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I'd run from this girl as quick as I could if I were you she sounds really immature and selfish and needs to grow up before attempting a relationship. She sounds too demanding and like a control freak your best bet is to get away or it will only get worse.

 

Good Luck!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

wow, move out FAST before she files a false complaint against you...

 

what is disturbing is she seems to go looking for all kinds of stupid reasons to start a fight with you, then escalates it. she is deliberately being provocative and nasty, so this is especially troubling. women can be emotional or physical abusers too, so i would get out as quickly as possible before she tries to claim you are the abuser.

 

and try not to interact with her too much or let her know your plans to move out, or it could escalate into some really crazy fights, so just make your plans to get out and do it... i would explain to my family what is going on, and have them help you get a new place and get out.

[gattsuga]

so why are you with her? and yes i believe restraining someone without their consent is considered abuse.

[n83]

No offense but your fighting seems pretty petty and pointless. If it's gotten to the point that you're scaring the pets, it's probably time to move on.

[Mythical_Suicide]

so why are you with her? and yes i believe restraining someone without their consent is considered abuse.

 

 

What he did, if he is telling the story 100% truthfully was not abuse, he was protecting himself from her. If she was throwing things and trying to intentionally harm him or his property he felt threatened thereforeeee he had rights to restrain her given he should have left and called the police but still no one, male or female deserves to have things thrown at them and not being able to "protect" themselves the best way the can at the moment now had he struck her that would have been abuse and assault...

 

I know this, I got off of an assault charge a few years back the girl said I tried to assault her by restraining her because she was trying to punch me in the face. I felt threatened and had rights to protect myself so the courts threw the charges out but had I hit her in any manner I would have been charged. Maybe people see it differently but thats how I feel it is.

[Hope75]

Putting your hands on someone against their will is considered abuse. Your girlfriend sounds pretty unstable, but instead of holding her down, you should have walked away.

 

If you are afraid she will damage your possessions, maybe it's time to break things off and move out.

 

This relationship sounds very unhealthy and dysfunctional. (not to mention she could press charges against you for holding her down.)

[rmpavlock]

I would seriously get away from this one fast! She sounds crazy! Who knows what else she will try. It sounds more like SHE's the abusive one. Getting angry at a person to the point of destroying things is abuse. I would seriously get out of this relationship before she starts accusing YOU of doing more.

[RayKay]

Well, assault is the application of force without consent, so yes, that is assault.

 

They would have to consider the circumstances, but yes walking away would of been a better option, and if she did damage property you could of pressed your own charges.

 

You need to get out of this relationship, this is the definition of unhealthy, dramatic and complete opposite of anything I would ever want to be in myself.

[Juliana]

She sounds borderline. I know those tantrums well -- from holding myself back from them (I act in; no violence allowed -- sure sounds like fun though).

 

If she is borderline, this is how it goes: You are in the original no-win situation with her. I can't tell you what to do, because if you're kind, she'll fear engulfment, and fight back. If you're harsh, she'll fear abandonment, and turn on you to abandon you first. If you restrain her, she'll split her concept of you in two, you will become all bad, she will have no apparent memory of anything good you've ever done, and she'll tell everyone you are abusive and hurtful to her.

 

I believe my ex knows both the words and the music to this song, so I'll tell you what I never had a chance to tell him:

 

Tell her, "I understand that you are angry and upset, but I will not discuss this with you until you stop yelling at me and calling me names. I'm willing to try to support you if you can tell me calmly what you want."

 

If the yelling and abuse continues, leave. Don't expect her to be able to calm herself down; she may want to, but there is a huge chunk of emotional development missing from her psyche where all those self-calming skills should be. Leaving is not abandoning her, it is preventing her from making a bad situation worse.

 

But to be honest with you, I'm going to tell you what I would tell a woman in your situation: Leave the relationship.

 

She needs to get help for her rage. You are hurting yourself by staying, and if I were your gf, I wouldn't want that for you. Your responsibility to the relationship and to the dreams that you had for each other is to protect yourself as well as her. Don't stay in a situation that is only going to result in you being hurt, and her regretting it forever.

[Rabican]

To The Curb!!

[Rabican]

so why are you with her? and yes i believe restraining someone without their consent is considered abuse.

 

uhm I think its called either self defense, or common sense... not abuse.

 

Im sorry but if my girlfriend is going to pour wine on my computer (thus maybe starting an electrical fire) or otherwise break my property, or attack me, try to harm our animals etc. IM RESTRAINING HER. Thats not abuse... thats logic.

Now the better scenario might be to just leave for good, but at the time... stopping her from hurting herself, you, or damaging your property is the way to go.

[Hope75]

uhm I think its called either self defense, or common sense... not abuse.

 

Im sorry but if my girlfriend is going to pour wine on my computer (thus maybe starting an electrical fire) or otherwise break my property, or attack me, try to harm our animals etc. IM RESTRAINING HER. Thats not abuse... thats logic.

Now the better scenario might be to just leave for good, but at the time... stopping her from hurting herself, you, or damaging your property is the way to go.

 

Actually, legally it IS abuse.

 

I understand the frustration at the fact that she is trying to damage the guy's property. At that point, he could have and should have asked her to leave, and if she would not, he could have called the police and had her escorted out. But physically holding her against her will and bringing her to the floor is considered abuse in the eyes of the law, and now she has probably more grounds than him to press charges, since he chose to handle it that way.

 

Fair? Probably not. Legal? You Betcha.

[candy604]

wow get out of the relationship..sounds like she's controlling and out of control!

[desertnomad]

Run like the wind and dont look back. Oh and dont put your hands on anyone cuz it can be used by her to make you look bad and possibly get you into alot of trouble in the future..not to mention you just shouldnt do it to begin with.