I feel so miserable

[xmrth]

I don't know what my problem is, I'm literally dying in pain over everything. I know it sounds so stupid but I feel terrible and don't know what I'm supposed to do.

 

My boyfriend got a new job and in the process he's off this whole week. I'm off today, he's off today... could have seen him this afternoon until maybe 8pm, but I didn't want him to leave so early so I wanted to see him later. But there's more to DO during the DAY as I've realized.

 

So now he's probably out with one of his friends instead of me.. and now I'm here, crying and feeling miserable and his phone is off. Can't even get in touch with him and have NO idea what's even going on and he's mad at me for calling him so much. But why do I have to be in the dark? Because he'll get hung up doing whatever he's doing and can't guarantee a time...

I still have no idea what time he's even coming over, but I have this feeling it will be late, he will be tired, and it will have been all my fault because I could have just seen him during the day and we could have done something different from usual as I always see him at night, except Sundays...

 

Why is this tearing me apart? ??? This probably could have been such a nice day and now he's sharing it with someone else.

 

 

 

Martha

[MissyM]

I just wanted to say you have a beautiful name! My best friend has just named her first daughter Martha Lily.

 

As for your boyfriend, what are you really worrying about? Do something else to keep your mind off it, read a book or watch a film. Go for a walk, fill your day up with nice things instead of waiting for him.

[confused25]

How often do you guys see each other? And how often do you guys email/text or talk on the phone?

[xmrth]

I just see him on weekends because of me going to college and him working full time. I talk to him in the days but only on the phone. And right now he's mad at me for calling him so much because I have NO idea what's going on, and his phone is still off as he's out doing whatever. And could have been with me and it's all my fault. He was all set to.

[ImThatGirl]

Sweetie, Find something to do. Get out of the house. Busy yourself. I'm sure he will find that attractive and be happy for you.

[xmrth]

His phone is still off.. and I'm paranoid he said he's not coming; I could barely hear him the last time I talked to him. And it's all I can think about. I should have just had him come over when he had wanted to. Now he's out and maybe won't even see me today... I can't get over how miserable I feel. I can't even get in touch with him.

[renaissancewoman101]

Are you spending Thanksgiving with him? Dont worry about things, you guys have been together for so long. Give him some space to do what he wants or needs to do and he will be happy to see you when he does. If you keep chasing him and crowding him, he will want to see you less and not be so happy when he is around you.

 

Go and hang out and do things by yourself. I don't have a SO and although I want one desperately, I do enjoy doing things by myself. I am thinking of taking a trip to Europe in the spring by myself.

[ImThatGirl]

Xmrth.... Are you just going to give in to this anxiety and insecurity?

 

You have a choice here. You are an adult woman that should be able to find something to do besides sitting in at home and stressing about him day in day out.

 

Don't cling to him for your own happiness. And don't push him away either.

 

Find something to do.... Go to the tanning bed - go get your nails done - play salon (fix your hair and makeup/get dressed up) so if he does come home you'll look nice - go for a run - go for a drive.

 

Pick yourself up off the ground and put your pieces together. You have control over this. You're behavior and emotional tirades are unacceptable to him, eh?

 

(This really is tough love. You shouldn't let yourself be consumed by him. You deserve more.)

[shoebaby1]

It does suck that you feel this way. I have felt this way before. Just watch your favorite TV show or something.... get your mind off of him and wait until he calls you.

[xmrth]

No, we're not spending Thanksgiving together. If we were I may have been a little less over the edge but I'm not sure.

 

I just cannot handle being cut off like that, phone is off, no idea what's going on... And he did it again this morning, too. I asked him just a general question about what we may do tomorrow or what time and he just said "I don't know, I don't know" and I'm like, "you're coming, right?" "I don't know, I'm going to shut off my phone if you don't stop." Then a moment later he says "Okay, bye." and hangs up. No idea what's going on, his phone's off again, it's Thanksgiving morning and I'm clearly staying here today and not too happy about it. Thankfully he picked up when I called and that was resolved...

 

But it is so much to be put through. I drove him crazy for a while which is why he acts like that... and the problem is, I don't really ask him a zillion questions and bug the hell out of him like I used to but he's so much into this behavior that he's rarely letting up on the "I'll just hang up." We clash with me wanting to know what time, and him not seeing it as a big deal to have set times.

 

 

Anyways... I tried to do that, with doing things for myself and not worrying and it did help for an hour. But then afterwards I just went right back to blaming myself and feeling miserable. He did eventually come over and what I feel like is looking back on that day, thinking about the time and energy spent being so uncontrollably upset... but I just don't know. Is it going to far to say it's like torture to be put through that?

 

I wish I could act against him in reaction but I just punish myself by getting so upset and down...

[Momene]

I always felt that your problem was that he was able to do things that you couldn't because of your age. Now you're old enough to go to places with him, he still acts independent. Some people would brand you as clingy but unless clinginess is excessive, it isn't wrong.

 

He's just more independent than you, which (in itself), isn't wrong either. You either have to learn to be as independent as he is or find another partner as clingy as you are.