He cheated

[thegirl_00]

3 days ago I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me 5 months ago. I really love him still and he was exactly what i was looking for, except for ... well, you know...

 

Now don't worry im not going to take him back and just forget about it. But do you think that if you wait long enough (months, years) cheating can be forgivable? People do change....

[Jayar]

I don't really think that if someone loves you they cheat on you, and if he didn't love you, then he WASN'T what you were looking for. In other words, you didn't love HIM, rather you loved the non-cheating boyfriend you thought he was. Don't sell yourself short. There are guys out there that will adore you and wouldn't even consider cheating on you. Keep yourself available to them!

[annie24]

well, was it a one time "oops" or was this something he did several times?

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Some people are perpetual cheaters. Others realize the big mistake that they made after the first time and never do it again.

 

A lot of factors are involved when figuring out how your boyfriend will be, though.

 

In any case, though, if it had happened to me, I wouldn't even give him the benefit of the doubt. Doing it once is enough for me to leave.

[annie24]

well, i think some instances of cheating are worse than others. for example, cheating repeatedly and for a long period of time while lying to your partner is bad. especially if they are having unsafe sex.

 

however, let's say that this couple has only been together for 6 months, and if he cheated 5 months ago, but it was while he was on vacation, really drunk, and he was out of town, and all they did was make out and he felt badly afterwards, I would maybe try to forgive.

[xmrth]

I don't think it should matter if he changes or not... you break up over it, which I agree with, so then why not move on... and if you do move on but then that doesn't work out and you two meet up again... it's kind of like why bother? Who really knows how he'll be? Why go down that same road again?

[musicguy]

There is never an excuse for cheating regardless of if alcohol is involved or not. Cheating is cheating. As for a reply for the poster. I wouldn't take him back or even think of it. There are other guys worthy of your time.

[annie24]

There is never an excuse for cheating regardless of if alcohol is involved or not. Cheating is cheating. As for a reply for the poster. I wouldn't take him back or even think of it. There are other guys worthy of your time.

 

what if you are married 15 years, have 3 kids, a mortgage, 2 cars, etc.... and the cheater feels really remoresful. it is easy to say it's a black and white issue.... but the reality is so much more complicated.

[amtjrtcet]

what if you are married 15 years, have 3 kids, a mortgage, 2 cars, etc.... and the cheater feels really remoresful. it is easy to say it's a black and white issue.... but the reality is so much more complicated.

 

I agree with Annie. Different circumstances call for different repercussions.

[thegirl_00]

Ya, thax for the replies. Pretty much explains what i should do : never talk to him again. The cheating wasnt the only thing he did that hurt me but the reason I kept taking him back was because he kept changing for the better. I was the first gf he ever had and I wish i hadn't been because he reminded me of myself when i was in gr 9 and had my first bf lol. Thats y I was curious as to weather taking him back in a long time from now would even be worth my while.

 

Also I like what xmrth said

I don't think it should matter if he changes or not... you break up over it, which I agree with, so then why not move on... and if you do move on but then that doesn't work out and you two meet up again... it's kind of like why bother? Who really knows how he'll be? Why go down that same road again?

 

...If im over him then why take the chance of being hurt again?, I could just be setting myself up when there are many other fish in the sea and who wont have to remind me of the pain they had put me in previously.

[yeawutever]

Even so with kids, that only shouldn't be used as the excuse to accept poor treatment (unless you yourself really want to work it out and are able to forgive them that is, but not for the kids's sake, doens't work, in the end they have a high chance of getting affected and probably develop attachment issues).

 

As for your b/f, good work on not contacting him, don't waste time on taking him back. b/c then you'll be playing the guessing game "Oh will he do it again or what, what is he now up to, he's not with me, ahh", that will only give you migraines.