My Ex and Chemistry

[Mixed emotions]

Hello Everyone.

 

I am new to this, it is my first post!

I am having a really difficult time getting over my ex. It has been 2 years, and I still have strong feelings for him. I have learned that he is getting married within the next month. To make matters worse, I've tried to date, tried to move on, but the chemistry with my ex was so great that I feel I need to find that same chemistry again to get over him. I've tried seeing this guy, and he is a great guy. I know that he could give me all that I need in life, very caring, honest and open, but I'm not sure the chemistry is right and I told him I don't want to see him any more. Does Chemistry change. Would I feel the same things about him in time that i once felt for my ex. Could I have put too much pressure on myself in finding the chemistry with this new guy that maybe I overlooked what was really there? I know I am hurting myself, and the guy I started to see and I feel awful. This new guy has been very patient with me, and we did stop seeing each other for a couple months when I asked for space.

I guess I am saying, just because I didn't feel that electric connection with him at first, is it because could be looking for that very same thing again, or am I just making excuses? Was the chemistry with my ex a once in a life time thing?

[SeaBisquit]

I know how you feel. I have been there. In time you will start to heal and eventually find someone that you have become interested in. sometimes i believe chemistry can change. but for the most part i believe when it's love that the chemistry is there from the very beginning.

[chai714]

Mixed,

 

Welcome to eNotalone. It's easy to get caught up comparing the new guys with the ex - I think it's quite common to do this. Why do you think you haven't gotten over your ex after such a long period of time? Could it be because you're always thinking or having contact with him? How could you change the way you feel about him? My idea is that it would start with the way you routinely think about him - you'll need to shake up your life some and keep your mind occupied preferably doing something you enjoy or have a passion for.

[su56]

I wish I had an answer but I have been divorced from my ex for 3 years and separated for 2 prior to the divorce and I still can't get over him. When I took my marriage vows I meant forever and we are now seeing each other again and talking of getting back together. I played the waiting game and won but others may not...you have to do whats best for you. I tried to get over mine but couldn't..maybe you will but it will take time.

[ratherbesailing]

read "Letting Go" by Dr. Wanderer and Dr. Cabot

[drum4god]

Chemistry is important, but it is possible your hurts are preventing any chance of having any chemistry. Its very hard to gauge. When you are still not over your ex, your heart will be a little guarded. As for chemistry being a once a life time thing. No way. Don't ever allow yourself to believe that, because I have felt the same way you felt, and moved on and found that chemistry will others. With that said, even if you were over your ex, you still may not feel chemistry with him.

 

I am with a women who told me she didn't always feel the chemistry, but now is starting to feel it more. I hope she isn't saying that just to make me happy, but I have to believe what she is saying. If what she is saying is sincere than, yes, Chemistry can come over times, but I really don't know. Chemistry can happen in a second, and it can happen over time. I have experienced both ways.

 

I think the thing you need to do, is be honest with this guy, and take time away to sort your feelings. Sometimes its hard to get a gauge on your feelings when you are with person. Take some time for yourself, if you believe in prayer, pray to God to help you. I believe you will have the answer you need.

 

I would say this. Finding a good man is not easy, and if he is good to you, and you get along, try to open your heart a little bit. Perhaps opening your heart will create the spark you need. I don't know. Just my 2 cents.