It's like I'm invisible to her...

[scatcatfhsu]

Hey,

 

I've did everything I could to try and be friendly to this girl that I really, really, really like and it's almost as if she doens't even know I'm around. I know she KNOWS I'm around, but it's as if she couldn't care less or just ignores it. I really go out of my way to try and talk to her or be friendly to her and she seems to like another guy much better... I mean, I know I'm 23 and have nothing but a High School education and don't own a house yet, but shouldn't she at least pay me attention by me trying to be nice?

 

There's another guy that is totally unstable (not like violently unstable but emotionally so) and she is always trying to DO THINGS for him. He's always thinking that people are mad at him and, just yesterday, walked up to her and was like, "I'm really trying to stay out of your way because I know you are mad" and she goes up to him two different times in the day and goes to trying to talk about all kinds of things she doesn't know about to try and get him over it. And then, on Halloween, she brought him candy and was like, "I wanted to bring these to you because I know you like candy." When there is a class project and he's going to go off on his own somewhere and try and do it, she'll always be like, "Come sit with me and do it." UGH... And yesterday, she's like, "I could never see you doing anything that would upset me in any way." AND SHE'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIM KNOWING KARATE. And she STAYS onto him about participating with the rest of the class... So the class is going to do a Thanksgiving dinner and she says yesterday, "I'm going to make something really delicious like homemade macaroni and cheese because I know you'll love that" to him. And the one that worries me more than anything... Him saying, "We should talk for like eight hours one day..." and her quickly responding, "YES. We really should..."

 

I'm lost here. Do I have a chance? Or, are these two people just crazy over each other and don't know what to do about it?

[scatcatfhsu]

Oh... And I tried talking to her about sports one day (just to see if she like them) and she was like, "I know nothing about sports."

 

Then, Monday, she told him, "I know you really love the Jets. I'm not familiar with them or the other team but I've been to N.Y. before so I guess that was reason enough for me to pull for the Jets. How did they do?"

[sixpounder]

sounds like to me, you're right next to these people with a notebook writing all their converaations. its blatant that she has little or no intrest in you. sorry to say it mate, but from what i understand this couple are obviously crazy for eachother. im not saying you dont have a chance or anything. i dont think its healthy to be around these people if it bothers you that much. my advise to you would be to find a different group of people to sit with at school or something. hey, don't feel blue, i know how hard it is to get over somebody but the best way to deal with that is to try and forget about them. again it sounds hard but i think you can do it.

[scatcatfhsu]

How exactly can they be crazy for each other, though, if they aren't dating?

[scatcatfhsu]

I mean, not saying I disagree... because I feel like she has no interest (or very little).

[agent1607307371]

but shouldn't she at least pay me attention by me trying to be nice?

 

She doesn't owe you anything.

 

And she is completely not into you, no matter how little you think of the other guy, he's who she's interested in.

Walk away now while you still have some dignity.

[annie24]

hm. from the information you have given us, it sounds like she is into him, not into you. how long have you known her? did you ever ask her out before?

[itsallgrand]

Oh man, this reminds me of a song that I keep hearing played in public places. The song is some watered-down punk (ish?) thing, and it hurts me to hear it:

but that's beside the point!

 

The basic idea is this dude is singing about a girl he likes who ignores him. The more she ignores him, the more he thinks of her, and the more turned on he gets and the more he idealizes/hates her.

 

What's the attraction? Personally, I tend to lose interest quickly in someone who doesn't even acknowledge my existence.

 

Walk on, brother. There might be some nice girl who actually likes you shaking her head as she watches you adoring this other one. What a shame.

[Carl5000]

its interesting, as i've matured i can only be interested in girls that show me some interest. I need a girl to give me something back, like pleasant conversation, flirting etc. If a girl shows absolutely no interest in u, how can u find her attractive?

 

Its like last yr, i meet a nice girl in work and i checked her out and thought she was attractive. But, it wasn't until we started talking and flirting with each other, that i started to fancy her. I know many women, who show absolutely no interest in me and i find it a turn off.

 

Well, this girl in work started dating another guy and thereforeeee didn't really take note of me. I still thought she was nice etc, but moved on. I dont see how you can fancy a girl, who has no interest in you. Unless, you put all your values into the beauty of women and not their personalites.

 

opps just read grand's post and repeated her points. I'm in agreement^^

[valenski]

You should've quit trying to get her attention a long time ago, dont talk to her unless she talks to you. She need not embarrass you when you think highly enough of her to want a conversation, let it go I dont think she is worth it.

[sheep]

Dude, ladies don’t like the nice guy!

 

Green day has even said it….Nice guys finish last!

 

Dude and this is no put down by any standard, You are on this forum!!!!

 

You a nice guy!!!!

 

Best words have been said by the post listed above me.

 

Forget about it!! Look who she is going after, its not you and from what I seen on this post, you are not him.

 

The harder you look the long it will take to find someone that fits you. You are just wasting time. Don’t show any lady that you are the lest bit interested and hand hang out, girls know girls that have friends and more friends. Dude 23, you need to go to the corner store buy the economy size 10,001 piece condom box and go to town. That love them and leave them deal, dog! Man wish I could have, but not that type. Ok so don’t get the big box. But maybe instead of being, A I want to be friends thing nice guys do but be friends as if they are just one of the guys. Get some numbers, find the nearest sports bar invite a few maybe 3 girls out “friends” and like butter they will start to melt..Or you are going to have a cat fight, which wouldn’t be bad to see. Hell find a place with jello wrestling night!!!!!!!

 

I think Im starting to like my newly found singleness..

 

GOT JELLO!

[brandypgirl37]

i think you may be invisible. she's doing nothing to show you she has an interest and it looks like she is totally into the other guy. she doens't owe you attention, either. i mean, i'm not trying to be hurtful but much of her focus (as far as guys go) looks to be on him and she may not even know she is hurting your feelings.

 

i think it's kind of romantic that there are two people that appear to be that crazy over one another, though. and you didn't say they were going out so, if they aren't, i'm not sure what's keeping them from it. it's sweet that the girl (even when proclaiming she knows nothing about a sport or team) throws everything to the side to show him time of day over a particular team. i think it's also sweet that he is so concerned about making her mad that he apologizes at times (which gets a "sweet" response out of her... "i don't see you ever doing anything that could make me mad"). aahhhh... those are things marriages are made of (i kind of wish i were her).

 

since i'm a pollster, let me start one up:

 

how many of you think these two can have a meaningful relationship (her and the other guy)? i'm number one on the list!

 

as for you, you'll only rhing yourself down more by holding to something that isn't there. get out and look for someone else. all three of you are at 23 which is a great time to try and find someone consistant.

 

brandy

[MetallicAguy]

she doesn't like/care for you at all. its sort of obvious she's into the other guy, why keep trying?

[scatcatfhsu]

Could it be that she just really wants to be really good friends with him and nothing more? I mean, like today, she says, "I saw that the Bears beat the Jets... That's too bad". And, after he had said something about wandering what he was going to do for lunch, she said, "I'm going to stay around here today and get ready for finals but I am going just over to the Chick-Fil-A (or wherever) and if you want that, you can come."

 

I mean, doesn't this just mean she doesn't consider him relationship material? I mean, watching the football game (or just hte highlights or whatever) is like something a friend would do for you. I mean, what do you guys think?

[annie24]

Could it be that she just really wants to be really good friends with him and nothing more? I mean, like today, she says, "I saw that the Bears beat the Jets... That's too bad". And, after he had said something about wandering what he was going to do for lunch, she said, "I'm going to stay around here today and get ready for finals but I am going just over to the Chick-Fil-A (or wherever) and if you want that, you can come."

 

I mean, doesn't this just mean she doesn't consider him relationship material? I mean, watching the football game (or just hte highlights or whatever) is like something a friend would do for you. I mean, what do you guys think?

 

er....no.

 

i have never feigned interest in sports unless I was majorly wanting a guy's attention. Unless she is a major sports fan in the first place, then it sounds like this is all flirting.

 

just let it go and find another girl.

[scatcatfhsu]

Yeah, but don't you think she would have tried to encourage him more about going to lunch? And I mean, the only other time he asked her, she invited two other girls.

[annie24]

has she ever invited you to lunch?

[scatcatfhsu]

No. But I mean, she hasn't really invited him... Only told him where she was going or has gone a time or two if he's asked.

[annie24]

yeah, but that's kind of my point. all you have to analyze is her interactions with him. I take it there are not many instances of times when she talked to you, invited you, tried to show interest in your hobbies, etc....

[agent1607307371]

Dude, you're clinging. Have some self-respect.

 

The fact is, yes, she may just want to be friends with this guy. She may want to go out with him. Ultimately though, she shows absolutely no desire to do either of these things with you.

[BengalsFan24]

This is my first post and I'm going to agree with what everybody else has said (and especially this last guy), you are clinging to something that appears to have ABSOLUTELY no hope. You might be right in the fact that she is only looking for a good friend, but still, I don't know of many girls that will watch a football game (or at least look up the results) so she can tell her "friend" "too bad they lost". Most girls don't care about that stuff and they wouldn't even bother to look it up for somebody that was just a friend.

 

And I hate to burst your bubble (and I may be wrong) but if she wants him to be this kind of friend, she's probably considering him as potential for something far more. The girl that I'm dating now acted pretty much the same way before we ever started going out. You'll find somebody some day that will do all the things this girl is doing and she will be doing them for you.

 

There was one other thing... I think that for a girl to consider a guy "sweet" she must have some kind of interest in him. As far as the karate stuff, she probably likes that because he offers her secure feelings. It also appears as though, from what you say, that he directs most of his attention to her -- which I'm sure she likes. I'm taking a wild guess that he must already have a degree of some sort (since you compared him to your "high school degree") and, as bad as I hate to say it, that probably makes her more secure, too. It doesn't hurt that he owns a home, either. I hate to be a downer, man, but girls this age consider all of that stuff to be top notch (or they did ten years ago when I was your age) especially from a guy their age. Looking up scores for football games just to be friends?? UHH... NO..... I'll venture to say she never cared anything about any of his teams until she met him.

[BengalsFan24]

Can I mention one other thing?? There hasn't ever been a girl that has brought me candy on Halloween (not even my girlfriend or any previous ones). Right there, in my opinion, is a sign. The other thing is this deal about him claiming that she was mad at him (or thinking she was). In my opinion, here's the deal: Right there was the opportunity, if she didn't like him, to simply not respond to that and let him go on about his own life -- as he apparently planned to do -- and she go about hers. For her to respond by talking and e-mail about it shows me that she valued him enough (AT LEAST) to want to keep him around for his friendship. That says a lot to me. No offense, but this guy better capitalize on this girl.

[Mr. Jones]

My suggestion is to move on..she doesnt seem worth your time and effort anyhow