In need of some supportive words..

[tastycake]

Hi everyone. I have been in NC for 3 months now. I won't go into detail because I don't want him back.. what I need is words of support. I have been doing ok.. up and down and most recently much better.

 

Earlier this week, I had to meet a friend by his hometown and I found myself driving past his place 3x for no apparent reason. To make matters worse I drove around aimlessly hoping to .. i dont' know maybe see him?

 

Anyhow, now i'm back to being down again. I think it has to do with the fact that I was at his town and most importantly that it is my birthday tomorrow and i'm anxious to know if he will greet me. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that I need to heal from these current feelings and move past it. The relationship is dead and I had very good reasons for leaving...

 

Any supportive words would be greatly appreciated. I am VERY tired of being sad over someone who doesn't deserve what I have to offer.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

[Jayar]

You are doing great. The only reason you worry about whether he'll remember your B-Day is because no one likes to be forgotten. Trust me, he won't forget you (whether or not he has moved on). Since you don't want him back he deserves to move on but most importantly so do YOU!

 

You can't move forward with one foot still stuck in the past!

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi tastycake,

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

 

You are now in control. You can do what you want whenever you want. It may be a thing of wanting to see him, or whats up with him. You can only answere that question.

 

Take this time away from him and have a good time with yourself.

 

Have some fun!

Thanks,

bcuzitwasfun

[terk2021]

Happy Birthday tasty. I had that happen to me a few years ago after a break up. I had not spoken to her since December of 04. My bday is in April, and I got an email with happy birthday, and she wanted me to know she was thinking about me...

 

Truthfully, that hurt me more than if I had not gotten anything from her. He will remember it, and if you get something, I would not read it or respond to it...

 

I am sure you have a lot to offer, and you should be with the ones that truly love you on your birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

[tastycake]

Thank you everyone for all the kind words. I truthfully feel a bit better. One day at a time right?!!

 

I think part of what i'm feeling is because i've never really been the one to be the dumper. He has only texted me twice in the last 3 months and I have not responded to either. If he texts me on my birthday, i'm afraid I will text him back and that will start the whole cycle again. I agree that it may hurt me more to hear from him then to think he forgot my birthday.

 

Thanks again everyone. Keep them coming. I'm starting to feel better with all your support!

[stunned]

Happy Birthday, tastycake! Do something you love to do or splurge on something as a present to yourself. These ups and downs can be so rough, but they're normal. It must be worse when you're in close enough proximity that you might actaully meet and I can somewhat understand your actions while in your ex's hometown. Just try to keep busy and HAVE SOME FUN, especially on this special day.

 

My birthday is coming up in a week and a half. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know rationally that I need to throw myself into life to help heal. I'll do something for myself on my B.D. (I don't have immediate family, just extended family who are fairly far from where I've retired. I retired almost 3 years after my ex had moved in with me. We chose the area where I retired in large part because it was only 1 1/2 days from where her grown children live.)

 

Hang in there and know that you can come here for emotional support and a virtual hug and consider your self hugged.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Happy birthday! it is normal to get nostalgic for a relationship around special holidays like birthdays... one wants to celebrate and be made special, so i think you were just trying to recapture a sense of connection with him...

 

so this is a small lapse in your recovery and VERY common... doesn't mean you won't get on with recovering from the breakup.

 

so splurge on YOURSELF on your big day... so something you really want to do, and remember that even if you had been with him on this birthday, he may have really disappointed you yet again and made you feel worse than you do now!... there is always a reason we break up, and don't let nostalgia cloud your memory!

[tastycake]

Thank you again to all who gave such sound advice.

 

He did end up texting me at 11:30pm with "good night love. happy bday". Since I was out all night, and the next day I didn't get the text till the next evening. I text back with 'Just got your text. Thanks'. No other exchange after that.

 

I am relived the day is over. I am happy he remembered but am still moving forward with NC and in noway want to have a relationship with him again.

 

Thank you all for reading this and good luck to everyone who is currently in or thinking about NC.

[tastycake]

6 months of NC and now a setback!!

 

I found out over the weekend that i'm not as far along as I thought he's still on my mind. Not all day like it was the first couple of months, but definitely still a good part of my day.

 

I had a setback this past weekend, (or maybe it was part of the healing process) I was suppose to go to a lounge with a girlfriend and decided I didn't feel like going.. my friend ended up texting me that my ex was there. Just hearing that made me take a drive just to cry.. I processed and decompressed it and realized I was still angry about the relationship. Angry about how he wasn't man enough to be honest with me, angry about how I was treated and how 4 yrs can just be gone.. I thought I was doing fine.. but then I had a setback..

 

I know I have to pick myself up and move right along because it happens to everyone.. just need some support today.

 

Thanks everyone!

[terk2021]

I am sorry to hear you had a bad weekend. It is definitely part of the healing process. Some people in this world (men and women) have either been so hurt in the past, and really have developed a sense of ability to block out emotion, or simply have never been hurt to understand what they have done to people, and just flat out don't care.

 

I am glad to see you use the word "anger". To me, that's a sign of healing. It's not that you wish evil against someone that hurt you, but you understand that you were treated wrong by this person, and would not want to be with them again. Love is the most powerful emotion we can feel. When we lose it, it hurts like nothing else.

 

I had a setback myself this weekend, and I am starting to learn that the only one I am hurting is myself. The best revenge is to live well, and understand that it's there loss. There is a man out there that is just waiting to treat you like a queen. You will find him. Keep your head up and keep moving forward. You deserve better.

 

Terk

[Me and myself]

tastycake

 

Do you realized what you're feeling is not love for this guy? Please think like this...If it was love what you are feeling, you would be hurting much, much more. It's good to feel anger for the relationship...that means a lot of energy waiting to be released....just use it!

 

I'm glad to know that you are able to cry about it...let it all out..it doesn't matter if your relationship finished 3, 6 months, 1,2 or 4 years ago....if you need to cry, just do it!

 

I can see you are aware of what the relationship was doing to you. Use this knowledge in your life and your next relationship. Now it's time to get a lot of "amunition" to fight for a better future!

[Daddy Bear]

The healing process has its ups and downs as it gradually moves forward. A small setback doesn't mean that you're overall going in the wrong direction. I wouldn't worry.

 

We can't wipe people from our memories like in MIB but we can find someone or something else that makes us happy. Wouldn't you feel silly if you ate a piece of... well, tasty cake... and then went around saying, "Damn, I miss that piece of cake! I wish I had it back to eat again!" instead of just getting another one?

 

Yeah, I know, I've felt like "but she was the bestest fish in the whole sea!" before. Yeah... but no. She wasn't. Fish is fish, cake is cake. Better to get more than starve. Feel me?

 

Hey, just wondering...did you take your username from the snack manufacturer?

[tastycake]

You are all wonderful!! Just what I wanted and needed to hear!

 

Terk- Sorry to hear of your setback. I think our thoughts are similar, I was treated wrong and I left.. this is just that... a setback. We will continue to move forward as long as it is what we want for ourselves. I don't want the guy back, I just feel the anger again.. and that's ok..

 

Me and myself- You are so right, it isn't love that I was feeling or have towards him anymore. It was just some bottled up emotion that needed to be released. I am sure I will have more, so bring em on! I'm ready!

 

somebloke- Cheers to cakes and more fish in the sea! Yes, I happened to have a tastykake on my desk when I registered for my account

 

p.s.. it wouldn't hurt if we could wipe them out of our memory though

[Daddy Bear]

somebloke- Cheers to cakes and more fish in the sea! Yes, I happened to have a tastykake on my desk when I registered for my account

Cool beanies! My ex worked for Tastykake once, and they used to give away pallets full of day-old stuff. Man, I gorged on chocolate pretzels. I even got to be on TV and meet the Dallas Comboys cheerleaders once when Tastykake was part of a telethon. Haven't seen that stuff in Cali for years, though.

 

p.s.. it wouldn't hurt if we could wipe them out of our memory though wish. I'd like to wipe out the freak going off in the next room right now.