Strip Clubs- Cheating or Not?

[arwen]

There have been so many debates here about porn and strip clubs (not the same, but I find them hurtful in the same way). The number of women that would consider that this is painful would leave a big number of 'insecure women' if that would be a true implication. I find it easy to make a negative reaction to looking at strippers/porn about a woman's security.

 

For me, it has very little to do with (in)security. The reason I find it disturbing is because he will be looking at things that I can also do for a partner and be willing to pay for that. I am not 'equalling' this to prostitution, by the way. I'd like to be the only one performing intentional seductive acts around my bf. This also makes going to strip clubs worse than looking at porn to me, again this is personal. In addition, I find it very degrading that women actually choose (or NOT choose, that is a whole other debate) to do sexual acts or seductive sexual acts for money. For me, sexuality is still connected to romance, and money doesn't play a role in that.

 

And again, cheating is a personal definition. And ideally, your partner has a similar definition: problems are otherwise bound to arise.

[arwen]

I counter that with why should they leave? They aren't the one who has a problem with it? The person causing the friction does. They should be the one leaving, if anything.

 

Well, if I am correct, the ultimatum that was so objected to here was kind of a sign that she may in fact leave the relationship if this continues.

[doyathink]

*Ilse...girl I love what you wrote here*

 

I find this all so insane! My S/O was so into looking at porn and other women, he couldn't turn the computer on without surfing for women. He says..'I'm a man, thats what we do, it has nothing to do with you. I love you and only want to look at your body, no one elses (as hes clicking on 'hot Marys' photos). So the night the male strippers came to town, I went! Had to see what all the rave was about in enjoying other mens bodies...after all, it was only my S/O body that I want to view.

 

The next day, and several after......he wouldn't talk to me! He was PISSED. he asked..'did you take any of them out after the bar closed'? I mean really, he was so upset over this. Now, he's looking at things to make him 'last longer in bed' and googled 'enlargement' crap.

 

The point of this is, put yourself in her shoes. Women have egos just as men do. If she were always looking at men's penis's on the net and going to see strippers who take it all off, wouldn't that work on your mind a little too?

At some point, if she were the one doing this, you would start to wonder if your penis was BIG enough and if you last long enough in bed to satisfy her.

 

*flame away*

[Helen67]

Excellent post DYT, plus great example how the worm can on occasions turn.

 

Thanks for a great story, wonder how many men out there will consider this side of things?

 

Helen x

[Day_Walker]

The point of this is, put yourself in her shoes. Women have egos just as men do. If she were always looking at men's penis's on the net and going to see strippers who take it all off, wouldn't that work on your mind a little too?

At some point, if she were the one doing this, you would start to wonder if your penis was BIG enough and if you last long enough in bed to satisfy her.

I still say it all links back to insecurity no matter if you are a guy or girl and you are getting upset at your partner for watching porn or going to a strip club. I would never wonder if my penis was not large enough to please her because that is irrational to equate penis size with sexual pleasure. This is because I believe that I have the best penis in the world and how could she find better pleasure from another. I dont think this, it is something that I know. In my mind there is no other man who can compare to me so the act of her going to strip clubs or looking at porn does not bother me in the least.

[TiredMan]

Doyathink, did you frequent these places BEFORE? Of course he would be mad. You were doing it intentionally. Your intent is probably what hurt him. I know it would bother me.

[TiredMan]

Well, if I am correct, the ultimatum that was so objected to here was kind of a sign that she may in fact leave the relationship if this continues.

 

So again, this is HER insecurity.

 

I don't even know what I would say if my g/f got upset if I masterbated. I'd probably laugh about it. Because it would be HER issue. If we start changing what we do because it bothers "them" then it will never end.

[doyathink]

Doyathink, did you frequent these places BEFORE? Of course he would be mad. You were doing it intentionally. Your intent is probably what hurt him. I know it would bother me.

 

First and only time in my entire life Tiredman......

 

Yes I did it with intent! Intent on pleasing myself as he does himself.

Isn't that why anyone does it? With intent on the pleasure of it?

[doyathink]

This is because I believe that I have the best penis in the world and how could she find better pleasure from another. I dont think this, it is something that I know. In my mind there is no other man who can compare to me so the act of her going to strip clubs or looking at porn does not bother me in the least.

 

LOL...Hahaha..hmm. I have to say I like your style..

 

Yes, you are right by saying it deals with insecurities. You can be the most secure person and then lose a lot of it when your partner seems to be TOO interested in others. Seriously, this can cause one to be insecure and start questioning what the hell is wrong with you because you come to a point where it's really hard to understand the extreme fascination .

[TiredMan]

First and only time in my entire life Tiredman......

 

Yes I did it with intent! Intent on pleasing myself as he does himself.

Isn't that why anyone does it? With intent on the pleasure of it?

 

See I believe that is why the guy was ticked. Your intention was a "payback" sort of thing and that shows malice. You said it was your first and only time. His was not intended to be malicious.

 

And I'm a guy who hates going to strip clubs and always have hated it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

See I believe that is why the guy was ticked. Your intention was a "payback" sort of thing and that shows malice. You said it was your first and only time. His was not intended to be malicious.

 

And I'm a guy who hates going to strip clubs and always have hated it.

How is it malicious for her to go with the intent of getting the same feelings he does? She was experiencing something for the pleasure of it, like he does, but because it was an issue of her doing it after him its malicious? Could it be that she wanted to have fun and see naked men with out him around strictly for the purpose of her pleasure. Its not always about getting even. She very well could have wanted to see what it was all about. Women can do things without ulterior motives and yes they do them without care of what men feel or think.

[doyathink]

See I believe that is why the guy was ticked. Your intention was a "payback" sort of thing and that shows malice. You said it was your first and only time. His was not intended to be malicious.

 

And I'm a guy who hates going to strip clubs and always have hated it.

 

Your coming to your own conclusions! I did not do it for 'payback' or out of malice! I did it because I had never been to one!

[TiredMan]

You would not have gone had it not bothered you that he had gone, is my point.

 

If you had always wanted to go, you would have BEFORE this situation.

[TiredMan]

How is it malicious for her to go with the intent of getting the same feelings he does? She was experiencing something for the pleasure of it, like he does, but because it was an issue of her doing it after him its malicious? Could it be that she wanted to have fun and see naked men with out him around strictly for the purpose of her pleasure. Its not always about getting even. She very well could have wanted to see what it was all about. Women can do things without ulterior motives and yes they do them without care of what men feel or think.

 

Then she would have done it before her problem with him, and not after the fact. It is malicious and my opinion is that is why it angered him. It would anger me as well fpr that very reason and not because she went.

[arwen]

Doyathink, did you frequent these places BEFORE? Of course he would be mad. You were doing it intentionally. Your intent is probably what hurt him. I know it would bother me.

 

Of course, when HE does it and she is hurt, that is HER insecurity, and when HE is hurt because she does it, that is HER intent.

 

Quite convenient, don't you think?

 

This is what we call a double standard.

 

And that's the last I have to say about this.

[jilligirl]

In my opinion, she's not going to change her views about this. No matter what you tell her (e.g. "It's not that I don't think you're hot . . ."), she probably won't be convinced. She has her beliefs for her own personal reasons-- reasons that you have no right to question.

 

This leaves you to choose from 2 options:

 

1. Leave her and find a girl who will accept your extracurricular activity

2. Stay with her and stop going to strip clubs

 

I'd choose the former, because believe it or not, there ARE girls out there who are accepting of this, girls who might even want to go WITH you. (I go once every few months, either with a bunch of friends, and/or with my boyfriend, and we always have a blast.) Also-- telling her that you won't go anymore, and lying about it (secretly going behind her back) won't work. She'll find out, and it would not be fun for you to be having to constantly lie and make up lame excuses as to why you came home late. Plus, you'll probably argue a lot.

 

So, in sum, don't try to change her opinions, because it won't work. Figure out what your priority is. Keeping this girl and not going to strip clubs? Or finding a new girl who'd allow you to go to strip clubs?

[TiredMan]

Of course, when HE does it and she is hurt, that is HER insecurity, and when HE is hurt because she does it, that is HER intent.

 

Quite convenient, don't you think?

 

This is what we call a double standard.

 

And that's the last I have to say about this.

 

But his intention in going was not to "hurt her" or "get even with her". I can't believe some people can't tell the difference.

 

If it was not her intent, she would have gone to one at some point in her lifetime before this.

[CarnelianButterfly]

But his intention in going was not to "hurt her" or "get even with her". I can't believe some people can't tell the difference.

 

If it was not her intent, she would have gone to one at some point in her lifetime before this.

Maybe she hadn't ever thought they were fun until she saw him taking pleasure going to them and thought "why can't I have that kind of fun".

[TiredMan]

Maybe she hadn't ever thought they were fun until she saw him taking pleasure going to them and thought "why can't I have that kind of fun".

 

Not according to what she said. I mean that argument is really attempting to grasp at straws. It would be like me saying "maybe he went because he likes the bouncer there" lol.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Not according to what she said. I mean that argument is really attempting to grasp at stars. It would be like me saying "maybe he went because he likes the bouncer there" lol.

I gone places because I liked the bouncer.

[doyathink]

You would not have gone had it not bothered you that he had gone, is my point.

 

If you had always wanted to go, you would have BEFORE this situation.

 

Tiredman, I believe you would continue this till hell froze over. But, to clear the air around you....he has never went to one since I have known him.I have never went because of my own convictions and morals...I went, ONE time...in my life...as I said.....to see what all the rave was about. Curiosity...PERIOD!

 

Please understand that this thread is not about you or I, but about what the OP needs answers to, I was merely stating a point with my post, as I am entitled to do. I don't want to be picked apart by you anymore.

 

EDIT: TM...did you even read my original post? Just where did it say HE...went to see strippers? Where did you get this info?

[Rabican]

Cheating is defined by the partner.

My list of cheating

Phone sex

Cyber sex

Excessive (note, excessive) flirting

Emotional affair (developing romantic feelings for another)

Sex

Kissing etc.

Any action that you have to 'hide' from your partner... ie if you are doing something you know is hurtful behind their back... thats cheating

Any action that you would consider cheating if done to you.

 

Not cheating

Strip club

Porn

talking to other guys (as long as its plutonic, or close to it)

[antibarbie]

Then she would have done it before her problem with him, and not after the fact. It is malicious and my opinion is that is why it angered him. It would anger me as well fpr that very reason and not because she went.

 

You talk like there are male reviews all over the place that women could just go to whenever they want. I live in Phoenix where there are TONS of strip clubs, but I only know of one male review. Usually a city doesn't have any and might have a special "Ladies Night" every once in a great while. Women don't really have the chance to just hang out at a stip club that caters to them, so you can't compare her habits to his.

 

I don't like my boyfriend going to strip clubs either, but I don't want to go to a male review because I don't think I would like it. The idea of a muscle bound man waggling his penis at me makes me a little uncomfortable and beyond that I think it's pretty silly. If I were going to go somewhere like that I would have to be doing it to get back at my boyfriend, because I have no interest in going just for the sake of the experience. You can't accurately judge everyone's intentions based on a message on a forum.

 

To FCTex, So what if she's insecure? What if the reason why she doesn't want you going is because she feels bad about herself? You suggest making her feel guilty and forcing her to accept your habits and making her deal with them even though she has declared that she doesn't feel comfortable with them? Does she not deserve to be accepted the way she is, even if that means accepting that she is insecure? If the ability to go to a strip club without worrying about being in trouble when you get home is so important, then dump her instead of giving her grief that will extend much longer. If you love her the way she is, then deal with it and try to help her to be happy and comfortable in your relationship and maybe one day she won't care if you go to a strip club because she will know that she is the only one for you. Or if she doesn't become okay with it, maybe your effort will make your relationship happy enough that the choice between going to a strip club and your girlfriend is an easy choice to make.

 

Also, I don't think it's cheating, I just think it's a crappy thing to do.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Of course, when HE does it and she is hurt, that is HER insecurity, and when HE is hurt because she does it, that is HER intent.

 

Quite convenient, don't you think?

 

This is what we call a double standard.

 

And that's the last I have to say about this.

 

Yes, double standard indeed. Not cool. And why should it matter what her motives are anyway? What's good for the Goose.....

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I agree with all of that. Only once in my recollection a 'Male Review' came to town, and did a show at about 8 pm for about an hour at a club that was normally just a regular club. Some friends of mine drug me along. All the guys were dancing really feminine like and they were all hairless and oily and seemed homosexual to me, and I don't really go for that. Anyway we didn't go to get turned on we just went I guess as a girls night out activity, a novelty actually. None of us were attracted or interested in any of the guys. And there weren't any lapdances or anything close to that there, either, and not that any of us wanted them either. I really can't imagine myself or any of our friends paying a dude to gyrate in our faces.