Poof she is gone??

[AquaMan23]

We had 3 great dates. Lots of laughter, holding hands, kissing, great conversations, etc. Then she canceled our last date that she set up. She texted me a few hours before, telling me that something came up and would have to take a rain check. She said she was sorry and that she would call me later.

 

It has been 3 days and I haven't heard anything. I was expecting at least a call the next day or something. We were e-mailing each other daily for the past two weeks. But nothing now. Hmmm she has me confused. If it was me I would at least let the other person know what is going on.

 

Either something has happened to her, or she is just not interested all of a sudden.

 

What do I do? Just forget about her, or is it worth trying to contact her? I want to keep my dignity on this one. Am I just being impatient?

 

Thanks

[annie24]

well... hm. I guess.... maybe wait a few more days, and then send a brief e-mail telling her something random (ie, you saw a dog on the street and it reminded you of her dog, so you thought you'd say hi.) don't ask her out. but maybe express concern, like, "I hope you are doing ok."

 

maybe there is a family situation going on (family illness) which you should give her the benefit of the doubt over, hopefully it's not that she lost interest overnight.

 

see what happens.

[kryptik0]

I think I would wait for at least a week for her to get back to me. It would be hard, having spent quality time for her until now, but I would still do it. Next week, you can contact her one more time and if she doesn't get back to you soon after that, she's probably gone.

 

Let's hope that she's just too busy or something happened in the family, that she needs to sort out.

 

Goodluck!

 

+1 for for annie said. Do not ask her out when you contact her.

[heloladies21]

I was expecting at least a call the next day or something.

This was a mistaken view right here. After 3 dates you can't really epect anything. You should definitely give her a call right away, because for all you know she might think you are mad at her for cancelling the date and she's waiting for your call to signal a green light to keep going.

 

In any case, it's all just speculation until she shows you something more. And as for the dignity, come on, it's just a phone call.

[AquaMan23]

I may be wrong, but if someone says they are going to call you and they don't, then isn't the ball in their court? I think it would make me look needy to call her.

 

Heloladies, You really think I should call her or e-mail her soon?

 

I kind of like the idea of the random e-mail question in a few days. She did that to me at first.

 

It does seem odd that she would loose interest overnight and not let me know. It is not like she is some random girl that I came accross. She is friends with a few of my friends. So I am def going to run into her again at some point down the road.

[annie24]

well, I think you will sound needy if you are like.... "It's been 70 hours, why haven't i heard from you!?!?!" but if you just act like, "hey - how's it going?" then I think it is fine.

[AquaMan23]

Haa I hope you are kidding because I would never do something like that.

[Lilu]

Aquaman,

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find out if she's okay, or if she's not interested at all. I mean, if you and her had such a great time in those 3 dates then what's the big deal in calling her. Just one thing though, try to be subtle about it. Give it at least a week, you don't want to sound like a crazy desperate man. So, email, or call her, your choice, but do something, if that's what your heart is telling you. If she's interested in you, she will not mind at all that you actually thought of her.

 

------> This is from a girl's prespective.

 

Good Luck!

 

Lilu

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

She gave you the perfect segway in telling you that something came up. You should go with that. Just say, "hey, I know you said something had come up, and I just wanted to make sure everythings ok with you". She'll know you are concerned about her, you won't seem needy, and hey, she'll either call you back, or she won't, in which case you can move on with no regrets.

[heloladies21]

The longer you wait, the more she's gonna forget about you. And you're too paranoid about sounding needy, and being "scarce" is the wrong solution for seeming needy to the chick anyways. You don't look needy by calling, it's all about how you sound when you're on the phone with her. If you think you sound needy when you talk to her, then you have to not sound needy (vocal tone, inflection, pacing), but if you are ok in these areas then you have nothing to worry about.

[Ant1975]

Sorry to say my friend that your "out" as she cancelled and made no counteroffer of another time you could meet. I'd forget it I'm afraid. No counteroffer = no or little interest. I'd forget about her and move on. Bottom line her actions not what she says. She said she'd call but after 3 days and no contact says it all. I wouldnt contact her if you want to retain your dignity on this one. Otherwise you'll just be setting yourself up for a fall. Women who are interested are ALWAYS available or make alternative arrangements to meet you.

[Lansing]

I suggest calling at least once more... And as Heloladies said, you need to remain "calm" and come accross as normal/not upset...

[blemished]

I disagree about the ball being in her court. Who cares? You want to know if she is still interested in seeing you? Ask her. Life is too short for games. I would email her a polite, to-the-point message, something like:

 

"Hi (name),

 

I have not heard from you in a little while. I am wondering if you are interested in seeing me further. It would be helpful to know so that I can plan accordingly in my dating life. It was nice meeting you nonetheless and I hope to hear back from you about this.

 

Kind regards,

 

-me"

[AquaMan23]

Ugghhh I am so confused. You all make good points. Especially Ant1975. They always say to judge a women by her actions and not her words. If she was interested in me she would have called me back. But at the same time there could have been some confusion that I don't know about. I still don't know what I am going to do. I can almost guarantee she won't answer her phone because she never would in the past. She would either call me back or we would chat over e-mail between dates. So I see no point in calling and leaving a message.

 

Everything in our dates leads me to believe that she was into me and things were going well, but her last action shows me otherwise.

 

Women take note. Don't do this to men. Just tell them straight up whats is going on. I am going to see he in the future for sure, so she is only going to be making things awkward for herself.

[idontakre6203]

Hey Aquaman, I'm in nearly the same predicament... Mind you, I made the ignorant decision of maintaining my dignity and not proposing a clear effort on advancing the relationship... She said that she would contact me, never did, and I grasped my pride and thereforeeee did not followthrough... I lethargically assumed it to be a logical action is sit around and wait... Guess what? I'm still single, but starting to date around... Please, please, please don't make the mistake that I have made... Ant1975 proves a substantial point, but is entirely irrational in this scenario... It's cost and benefit, if you contact her and things go great, teriffic! If they do not, you will no longer waste your time and there is a sense of closure and "peace of mind" without having played the guessing game... what if? That's basically where I'm at right now, just wondering... It's been so long that it's obviously not advancing... But what do you have to lose? You have more to gain in either outcome, so implement a personal favor for me and contact her... Don't let "well she may not be interested" desistance and/or justify an excuse not to call her... Because I realize how easy that is... Also, UPDATE us on how everything goes!! Best wishes...

[bighair]

Hey Aquaman -

 

Well, I'd stop contacting her. She cancelled your date and didn't make an alternate plan. That's rude. It could be that she is ambivalent about seeing you again and is trying to decide. I know that sounds awful, but I think she is conflicted about dating you. Try not to take it too personally. You should leave her alone, and if she gets in touch, great...if not....who cares! you'll find someone else to date.

 

by the way, i can't tell you how many of us have been where you are. no worries. you'll be fine.

[AquaMan23]

Well I have news. Idontakre and others, you were so correct on this one. It was worth another attempt. I sent her a short hi and she wrote back right away. Turns out she has been working crazy hours all week (part of the job that she has) and has little time for anything during the week. She told me it would be like this a few weeks ago, but I didn't know it was to come so soon.

 

And she asked why she didn't hear from me after she cancelled the last date. Haa....I think that was her job..but whatever. I guess I have to take control with this one.

 

Anyhow, she hinted that she wanted to meet up this weekend. So I take that as a good sign. But I am not ready to let my guard down. Who knows. Only time will tell. I think this might be one of those girls that honestly doesn't have time for dating. But you think she would have realized that herself and made it clear to me. I will set something up and go from there.

 

Thanks to you all for your opinions. They were all valid.

[Lansing]

EDIT: OK.. I was typing this post while Aquaman was writing the above.. so, ignore it...

 

 

Well, whatever you do, I suggest you don't do what Blemished suggested! Girls "think" they know what they want to hear, but, really, that is the worse think you could do from my own personal view....

 

I think you will keep thinking about her until you try one more time. If you can just forget her and meet someone new, then, do that. Otherwise, call her one more time, even if you have to leave one message. If you don't hear back from her, then, you know not to waste anymore time thinking about her.

[heloladies21]

Good for you.

I think this might be one of those girls that honestly doesn't have time for dating.

This is not the case though. If she likes you enough, she will make time for you. Until you hear otherwise, assume she has the time.

[annie24]

Good for you.

 

This is not the case though. If she likes you enough, she will make time for you. Until you hear otherwise, assume she has the time.

 

well, I see two possibilities...

 

1) She isn't that into you, so she doesn't make time for you

or

2) She GENUINELY does not have time to date.

 

either way, the outcome is the same -she's not dating you. So there is no point in waiting for her.

[kryptik0]

annie, they already talked. I think they're going to go out this weekend.

[AquaMan23]

I just don't get this girl. We talk through e-mail while she is at work. She hints that "we" should meet up this weekend. So I write her back about a movie we both want to see. No response. I call her yesterday and no call back after I leave a voice message.

 

What gives? Why does she hint that she wants to go to a movie and then she doesn't respond to my messages? At least has the decency to call back or let me know she can't go. This is her last chance. If we don't meet up this weekend I am over it.

[annie24]

meh, I don't know. but I think your plan is a good one. if you don't hear back, just move on and forget this. you don't need games.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I just don't get this girl. We talk through e-mail while she is at work. She hints that "we" should meet up this weekend. So I write her back about a movie we both want to see. No response. I call her yesterday and no call back after I leave a voice message.

 

What gives? Why does she hint that she wants to go to a movie and then she doesn't respond to my messages? At least has the decency to call back or let me know she can't go. This is her last chance. If we don't meet up this weekend I am over it.

 

So, when you "write her back about the movie"....are you writing "Yeah, I think Brad Pitt is a great actor." Or, are you writing, "Will you go to this movie to me this weekend?"

[AquaMan23]

Haaaa.....No. I joke with her and tell her that a movie sounds like a good idea. Then I call her later in the night to ask her formally but she doesn't answer.

 

Anyhow, she called finally (insert surprised face here) and asked what I was up to this weekend. I invited her to a party tonight, so that she felt welcome to which she declined because she is not a big partier. But told her that if I don't see her tonight lets hangout tomorrow. So I left it at that. I probably should have been more clear about what and where but I was caught off guard and not expecting a call.

 

Well I called later and of course she doesn't answer so I left a message. Who knows??? I am out of here. Off to meet more women in the city.