my husband is to online porn! Anyone eles have this problem?

[northstar54]

Hi, I am new to this group, but recently found my husband was in many online groups that are very sexually oriented..He says he doesn't post but rather just looks at the pictures, but I am so devastated by this. I am not sure what to do..I am looking for similiar stories or how other women have handled this..I will hope for some replies..tks, northstar

[chai714]

I don't think it's uncommon for people or men to look at porn - I think this is something many women encounter and many, like yourself oppose it. However, you have discovered that your husband is a member of many online groups which makes me think that it may be a problem.

 

I'm not sure how you would effectively change his behavior but it might start with changing the way he feels about porn, which might be difficult.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey Northstar - WELCOME TO ENA!!!!

(Does your name mean you're in MINNESOTA or TEXAS?)

 

 

I guess all I have to say is that - yes - there are many men, even people's husband's, who look at porn. I personally don't find it offensive until it crosses my arbitrarily drawn line.

 

If you draw YOUR line at looking, then your husband should respect that.

 

 

May I ask - what bothers you about him looking?

[Day_Walker]

I find that the people that have issues with porn are typically ones that dont know much about it or have had negative experiences with it. If you are not opposed to porn then why not work that into foreplay or make an event of it and laugh at the bad acting in it.

[DizzyDoris]

How did you find out, did he tell you? If so maybe he wants to involve you and spice things up a bit! If he's just looking, think of it as harmless fun. Why not look at it with him, you might be surprised and enjoy it.

[scarew]

I wouldn't worry about it. Run with it if you can. Rent a video in the same theme as he likes to look at and surprise him. If you can't beat em, join em. He will be waaaaaaaaaay more turned on by you involving his interests than the girls on the video.

[scarew]

OH! And some other time, make your own porn with him. Use flattering lighting, set up a camera, have at er.

 

One night I wasn't feeling well and asked my husband if he could stay home with me instead of going out to the strippers with all his friends. THe friends came over before they went out but I went to bed early. When I woke up he wasn't beside me and I was angry. But I came out into the living room and there he was, passed out, half naked, with porn on the computer. Sound twisted? I found it kind of cute. He's not out hitting on other women, I think its harmless.

[northstar54]

Hi, well, tks for the replies...I will be thinking about what you all said..It feels like he is cheating by doing this..I think being as many groups that he is in is telling..but you all have given me something to think about..Northstar

[equinox]

To be honest I really wouldn't worry. I can't think that there is a man alive that doesn't look at porn from time to time married or otherwise. If it really bothers you then talk to him but it's normal, I would think.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i don't think looking at porn online is that big a deal, unless you discover him looking at kiddy porn (illegal and terrifying) or really weird porn that offends you to the point you think he is too different in interests from yours.

 

but if he starts communicating with people via email or videocam or whatever, you are getting into more dangerous infidelity terrority... his next step may be wanting to meet up with one of these people in the groups if he starts communicating with him.

 

so it is really a question of degree like anything else in life. a drink a day may be good for your health, but 10 a day or drinking and driving is not... same principle with porn... so as long as he is not spending extensive time taking away from you and his/your life with this, it is no big deal... but if he starts obsessing about it or shows signs of hiding communications with people, i'd watch out.

[apparentlynotalone]

I'm really not sure what to think. Isn't looking at porn on the internet different from actuall joining groups and seeming "committed"? I know I have had this problem with my boyfriend except he wasn't joining groups (not that I know of. Dear God, I'm worried, lol) but he was just looking at porn and it was affecting intimacy between us. If this is happening with your husband then I would think this is a problem. If not however, I don't think you should worry too much about. I've learned to accept the fact that men are visual creatures and sometimes it's fun to act out things that may happen in porn AS LONG as 1) you don't feel like you HAVE to do it to turn him on 2) you're not even into yourself.

[girl1984]

Hi I have the same problem & recently discover that my bf is still watching, after promising me that he isnt.. not that i believed him in the first place. I was only checking on him (I know its wrong and frustrating waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!) but I did it & actually found some movies. I am going to try & live with it, as he says, everyone watches it! Maybe I will even try & watch some porn for girls myself & he might have the tiniest feeling of jealousy that I feel every time I discover it...