How can I get it out of my HEAD

[LuckyDuck]

Hello everyone,

 

Can someone shed some light on how I can clear my head and not think about this.

 

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me several months ago to go back with her ex-boyfriend. We still talk on the phone but I always get mad when she tells me she goes out with him to eat or the movies. But my greatest fear is when she eventually sleeps with him again. She has not slept with him yet and I do believe her and that she lives with her parents and she calls me everynight before she goes to sleep. I wait by the phone to make sure she calls me before I go to sleep. I hate weekends most b/c that's when they go out late and come back late after hanging out with their friends. I always call around 2:30-3:00AM to make sure she is home. I can't do this anymore. I sweat at night waking up at 5:00AM just thinking and missing her.

I can't stand the thought that someone else will sleep with her. I guess it is because I still value and love her too much to accept that. But I don't know what to do.

[Dreng3333]

If she broke up with this jerk once, she'll do it again, just wait until she does, and continue being supportive. she'll be sweapt into your arms. Oh yes, it is very importsnt to:

1. Never let her know just how angry you are that they are going out, just enough to show her you still care.

2. Dont pressure her into breaking up with him. And...

3. Get some sleep

[LuckyDuck]

Dreng3333

 

I am not sure if she will break up with him. She broke up with him before maybe she did not know what she had. Now that she knows how much he loves since he still waited half a year for her while we dated. Mostly, he truly is a good person and that will make it even harder for her to leave him. I try to be supportive but I always end up asking her where they are at in the relationship and it drives her crazy but I still keep doing it. Is it a good idea to still talk to her and be supportive. She seems very determined to stay with him now everytime I talk to her. Now I can't get her to meet me to talk anymore.

Dreng3333,

I hope what you said will happen and that she would come back.

Thank you for your input.

[Slim Shady1607306451]

Save your manhood and stop talking to her, for now. Stop calling her, make no contact with her. If you mean the least bit to her, she will start wondering where you are and why you stopped calling her. She might think you don't care anymore, which is what you want to happen. Trust me. Then, she will try to contact you, eventually i might add. It might take a while. But when she does, act neutral. Be nice, make conversation, show her your a good guy, but don't ask about any relationship status. This will spark her interest because it shows her you are not mad and that you are a nice and caring guy, but you no longer are showing the interest in her, and she is wondering why. She will start to want you. Now, this will only work if things are at all shaky in her present relationship. If they arent, your out of luck, shes happy. If they are, you could usually tell, and you should make your move. Ill leave that part up to you. But if you want your girl back, take my advice. Its worked for me 100% of the time.

[LuckyDuck]

Slim Shady,

 

I do realize that I have to leave her alone for her to start noticing me again. But like you said, I will only get her back if things a shaky with her relationship with her ex again. However, I realize her ex will now try so much harder to treat her well since he worked so hard to get her back. For that reason, if I leave her alone, she will definitely forget and stay with him. I really do see your side of view. I do try not to call her but she still calls me at night before she goes to sleep. I just have the strength to ask her not to call me anymore b/c in a way, I still want her to. It is all I have of her in my life. I sound so damn pathetic. How can I let one girl do this to my emotions. I just can't bear the thought they will sleep together eventually. I would rather have 1000 people kick the living sh*t out of me than the feel this pain inside.

Thank you slim shady for your advice, I will do it.

Tylor

[cobro]

Hey man,

Don't let this girl do this to you. I was in the exact same situation. About 4 months ago, my girl left me to go back to her ex. She still called me, and I found out intimate details about her new relationship which killed me inside. I don't know how I made it through knowing that they were sleeping together. I would wake up in the early morning hours just thinking about her and him together, my stomach would feel sick. I couldn't stop thinking about her. How could my girl be with someone else intimately? What a horrible thought. I was completely afraid to cut contact with her out of fear of losing her forever and never getting her back. But one day about 1 month into my grieving she called, keep in mind probably just after spending the night with him, and I had enough. I called her back and told her I did not want to talk to her for a while. Well a few weeks went by and I felt a bit better, then 2 months went by and I had already started dating others again, sleeping and eating normally. Well that was not enough for her, she couldn't stand that I was moving on! So eventually she made contact, now she is broken up with her boyfriend after a bad experience and we hang out more, and talk 2-3 times a day. I am not going to say I have her back, but it's the closest I've been to her in 4-5 months, it's almost like dating. If you cut contact with her, she will wonder what you are doing, and if she's smart, see what she might be losing and come back. It's the only thing to do buddy. Hope this helps.

[LuckyDuck]

Cobro,

 

I am sorry that you had to find out the details of your ex's relationship with her new mate. I don't know how you delt with that. I know all things shall pass but I think the thought of your ex being intimate with someone else is by far the worst thing to think of when it comes to relationships. I am glad to hear that you are now sort of dating your ex again. I only hope the similar event happens for me. So much pain can go away when the person you want shows she still cares.

I still talk to my ex. Last night I asked her if I can see her, she got very offensive and started saying we would get nowhere if we saw each other. One minute she would like to see me if she can, then a few days later she changes her mind. I really don't know why I feel like I have to see her. She seems more distant and cold. I know she is not like that. I think my persuance is getting to her. I don't want to lose her completely.

Cobro,

Thank you for taking the time to share your situation.

[shellie12345]

Hey Lucky,

 

I am just in the middle of a breakup myself, however my situation is a lot different than yours is. From what I have read from you I can tell that you really love this girl. But you need to realize that although you love her and hold her above everyone else she is not doing the same for you. Yes she calls you before she goes to bed but I get the feeling that she is holding on to you when she shold be letting you move on--if she truly cared for you she would want you to be happy aswell. Having you around must be a comforting thing for her because she is with her ex and knows that if that does not work out you would be there in a second. If she is not willing to let you be happy then she is not worth all this heartache. I think that what she is doing is selfish. If she wants to be with her ex then fine, but she should not be breaking your heart at the same time. You seem like such a nice guy I don't know any guy who would put up with what you have for that long, Iam sure if you move on she will realize what she is missing and want you back and if she does not then that is truly her loss.

You are worth more than that, trust me tons of girls out there are looking for a sweet guy like you!

[LuckyDuck]

shellie12345

Thank you for your warn insite. Shellie, the reason why she still calls me at night because I wanted her to. I am just not strong enough to let go of complete no contact. She says that if I ever wanted time alone, she will stop calling me. She has mentioned many times that we should not talk but I still insist we since I tell her she comforts me. But I know it really doesnt. The reason why I put up with this is because her actions to leave me stems from alot of pressure from her parents yelling at her telling how good he is to her. I don't think she will see what she is missing since the other guy waited for her 6 months to get her back. He is also a very good person Shellie. This is the main reason why I don't really want to stop talking her, but I am deteriorating inside.

I know part of the break up is my fault, she is the age where she needs to think of her future, someone who can take care of her and her family. I however, am unemployed, having a hard finding a job. Her parents see that and instills alot of pressure on about my financial status. I think she eventually came to realize that. She tells me that love is not strong enough. In a way she is right. Will love support a family during hard times. She says she is being idealistic. I told her I plan to go back to school but she doesn't think she can wait for me for 4 years.

When we were together, she is very loving, kind, and giving person. She has never said she loved him. I was the only person she I love you to. Though she does not love him now, she believes his love for her and caring with eventually win her over. She is willing to wait for that. That is what upsets me most. She can't wait for me to get out of school. This sucks.

thank again Shellie12345

[shellie12345]

Hey Lucky,

 

I think what you need to do is spend some time away from her--even talking to her etc... If she really loves you she will realize that a guy who she "hopes" to one day love is nothing in comparison to you. Real love is something that you can't just ignore. If it is real and it is meant to be then it will happen, it may take a while for her to clue in but she will realize. Give her the chance to miss you and give her a taste for life without you. If she truly loves you her heart will find its way back to where it belongs.

[LuckyDuck]

Hey shellie12345,

 

It seems by staying in the picture, I am getting nowhere. Maybe it is time to try to keep from contact with her for awhile. I really don't how to bring up telling her that we should not talk. I don't want her to think that I am mad at her and she would take it the wrong way.

I will try telling her I need some time without contact, but will be there for her if she is ever down. That is the only time she should call. What do you think about that? I still feel like I am at her beckoning call.

 

P.S. How are you handling things with your situation at school?

[LuckyDuck]

Hey shellie12345,

 

It seems by staying in the picture, I am getting nowhere. Maybe it is time to try to keep from contact with her for awhile. I really don't how to bring up telling her that we should not talk. I don't want her to think that I am mad at her and she would take it the wrong way.

I will try telling her I need some time without contact, but will be there for her if she is ever down. That is the only time she should call. What do you think about that? I still feel like I am at her beckoning call.

Thanx shellie12345

 

P.S. How are you handling things with your situation at school?

[shellie12345]

Hey Lucky,

 

I think the best thing would be for you to cut off contact completely. I know it would be so hard since you love her so much but think about it..if you tell her she can call you when she feels down that defeats the whole purpose. It defeats it because the times when she needs you the most and you are not there are the times that she will truly realize that you are gone. Only then will she be able to value you. The times when she needs your support or is missing you and you are not around are the times that will really stand out to her. If you feel you are at her call whenever she wants you to be then the only solution is to not be. You can tell her so that she will not think you are mad at her by saying that you need to be on your own and since she chose to be with the other guy he is the one who should be there for her--not you (remember she made that choice). She can't have her cake and eat it too. It is unfair and selfish. I know you tell her to call you but she should realize that of course you are gonna want her to call you --after all you are in love with this girl right? And she should realize that even though she can have you and call you whenever she wants to--she made the choice to be with the other guy and that means letting you go. If she can't let you go even for a little while then you need to let go for her. Just find happiness in yourself. It seems to me like she is very confused over her feelings and you need to make sure that you are happy alone--because if she keeps flopping back and forth with her feelings it will end up hurting you so much in the end. If you are happy with yourself then you will be 10 times happier in a relationship (with her or someone else). Like I said before, you are worth more than what she is giving you. If she can't give you all of her then you should not be giving her all of you ( I need to follow my own advice on this one)--but its true be happy with you--if it is meant to be it will be.

As for me and my situation--it is all messed up. I wrote a big reply on my subject you can read it if you want to know the details.

Hold your head high and don't let her walk all over you.

hope I helped!

[LuckyDuck]

Hey shellie,

your words are very helpful. From your deep opinion on this topping, I think you will do fine with your situation as well. You are right, I have been allowing her to give me less than what I deserve. I am always the one calling her if she does not call. She can read me like a book and I hate that. I really hate playing mind games and she is very good at that. I tell it like how it is and she would just give hints and make me guess.

I will try to find a way to tell her not to call me anymore. I can't keep doing this. Everytime I start to feel better, talking to her brings me back to square one but it seems like I don't mind, but I do now. If it is meant to be, then someway somehow, we will be right? I really need to move on. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere. I can see a faint dim. I hope it will get brighter.

Thanks shellie and stay strong as you have helped to be strong. I know you will be ok.

[cobro]

Hey LuckyDuck,

 

I just got your PM, but I'll reply here. To cut things off with her, just talk yourself into thinking about your future if you continue to talk to her, do you always want to be second best to the new guy? No! To cut off contact with my ex, I thought about it hard and for a very long time, wieghing the consequences of it. On one hand, I could lose her forever and never have another chance with her. On the other hand, I could continue to talk to her and lose all of her respect and let her think I have no dignity. So, basically, if you ever want her back you have to cut contact with her, it shows her you have dignity and respect and catch her off guard. When I did this, I told my ex I would talk to her sometime, just not right now, I would call her when I was ready. That was good enough for my pain and gained her respect. Now four months down the road my ex finally realized what she had in me, contacted me, and we are great friends, maybe more in the future, who knows. This all happened because I was able to cut contact with her, in those 4 months my feelings for her dissapated, I was able to see what she did to me and how she really was, gained my dignity back, was not dependent on her, I just became my OWN person not someone who depends on someone else. It was a very eye opening experience. So when she contacted me, she could tell that I had changed and was no longer all about her, it was her call to persue a friendship with me. All it took was a few words, "I don't want to talk to you for a while, I hope you understand." If she does come back to you, you will have a new perspective on things and you will have dignity in her eyes. And as far as finding out about her being intimate with the other guy, when I found out I was pissed, disgusted and couldn't eat right or sleep for about 1 month. It was horrible, much worse than being dumped in the first place. I found out from her. I will always remember that, and that will make me think twice if the oppotunity arises to get back with her. Now that I am friends with her, it does not bother me anymore, we all make mistakes, and believe me she knows she made a mistake. My only advice for you would be to NOT find out if she sleeps with him, it hurts like h#ll. And the only way for you not to find out is to not talk to her until you are over her. It will all work out in the end, let me know if this helps.

 

cobro

[LuckyDuck]

Hey Cobro,

 

I was not sure if you got my PM but you did. It seems like you are going through the exact same path but your are just a few steps ahead of me. Man, you are absolutely right. I guess if I really want to get her back, I will have to take the risk of losing her forever by letting her go. Tell me did you email her or told her on the phone that you did not want to talk to her for awhile? I feel like writing an email so she can always go back to it and reread it. On the other hand, the email may even hurt me in the long if she does read it again and she may realize that I have moved and she will give up on me too. I don't know, I think I am thinking too hard. Let me know about this one.

But thank you Cobro for your sharing your pain. I am rethink about the consequences of staying in her life as a second guy. That cannot happen and I never thought of it that way. I will not ask her not to call me but not sure which is the better way, email or by phone.

Let me know