I don't know what happed

[ar106]

I had

friend that I confided her. She would always tried to cope with my depression.

She'd take me shopping, out to lunch.

We never had a fight.

I did a lot of things for her like lending her money, buying her a DVD player.

I'd take her out to lunch/dinner and I'd pay. She once told me that I was her

and angel for her.

Later she told me that she was having problems with her job and with her marriage. She said she was going to McAllen.

That day she came for lunch and everything seemed fine. She told me she'd

call me later.

That day never came and since june, she hasn't called, she hung up.

She changed her home phone and discontinued the cell phone I'd given to her.

I just want to know what happened. Should I give up?

Thank you.

Angie

[nadine_3110]

If you guys were such good friends, and you miss having her there, I don't think you should give up. Do you have mutual friends who still keep in touch? Maybe she's shying away from you because her marriage is falling apart and she doesn't want to drag you down. Or did you have any connections to her husband? Maybe seeing you only reminds her of her pain?

[NKP]

Dont give up keep trying. Why dont you go over to her place and see what has been happening. Have you tried to ring her husband or anything and ask him if he knows whats been happening?

[Haven]

If she'd been having problems with her job and her marriage, she could have discontinued the cell phone to save money and changed her home phone because she moved. You could try visiting her in person and seeing if she's okay.

[ar106]

I have posted on other boards and no one has answered. I would like to try talking to her husband but after our friendship ended ( I HOPE NOT), he asked me out to lunch and said that it was only to talk about her. I really care about her and I told him that I didn't want to do anything behind her back. (he told me that she didn't have to know). I have been thinking about going to see her but I want her to be alone because him being there would make me uncomfortable. If she has hung up the phone on me, do you think that she'd open the door? I've never had any real friends and I really thought she was the one.

I am a very shy and insecure person. I always think that if I've never had luck with female friends, I figure that no guy will ever like me either. I love my family but I feel very lonely.

Thanks again.

[Haven]

You could write her a letter telling her that you're concerned about her and that you miss her. Tell her how much you value the friendship that you had. If you go by her place and she either isn't there or won't answer, you could slip the letter under the door or something.

[ar106]

Hi.

I did send her a letter but her husband told me that she shreded it. I sent her a friendship keepsake box. She was to receive it around this time.

She really doesn't want anything to do with me.

My problem is that I can't let go because I really do need her in my life. She was like a sister to me.

AR

[ar106]

but she told me that she is sick and tired of me harrasing her. She also threatened to call the police and file a court order on me.

Again, I still know what happed that she changed overnight. There is now way of findin out because whe have no friends in common.

That's the story.

ar106

[Fallout]

Oh wow...definitely looks like she used you for her own benefit and never cared about you...then for whatever reason she didn't need you anymore and just dumped you...

 

You ar106 need to realize she badly mistreated you, after all you've given her she doesn't even have the decency of telling you why she won't see you anymore...

 

This may sound harsh, but right now you're like that puppy you beat up and keeps coming back to you...you need to stop that. Bottom line: she hurt you intentionally, stop trying to contact her and if she ever does in the future don't talk to her...because she would just use you again!

[Helen67]

but she told me that she is sick and tired of me harrasing her. She also threatened to call the police and file a court order on me.

Again, I still know what happed that she changed overnight. There is now way of findin out because whe have no friends in common.

That's the story.

ar106

 

You wrote there that *she* told you she was sick of the harassment, so when did you speak to her, or is this something her husband said?

 

Listen hun, you are going to have to give her some space, cos you may find yourself in trouble with the police.

 

You are obviously very fragile, and you have been taken advantage of by this person. She used you when it suited her needs, but dismissed you when it didn't. You haven't done anything wrong, but hun, she is no friend to you.

 

Your problem is giving too much of yourself to somebody in a desperation to be loved and accepted...You said how you spent money on her, this is just your way of trying to get love and affection, by buying it. This never works, you will never find true friendship if you have to buy it.

 

Please hun, you must understand she is not like a sister, she is not important to you, cos you aren't important to her, I know that sounds cruel from me, but you must move on from this.

 

I don't normally say this, but you have got to get some help. You centralizing yourself and being dependant on one single person is not healthy. You will not find true affection if 1. you try and buy it. 2. make someone feel smothered by *your* affection. You must learn to accept yourself for the wonderful person you are, to be confident, to be able to say, "lf you like me for who I am, great, if not, then go away, I don't need you".

 

This is hard, and that's why I think you should talk to someone who can help you find your way.

 

But I'm with you all the way now, you've got to take care of number one...That's YOU hun!

 

Helen xx

[ar106]

Helen, I didn't speak to her. I know it was stupid of me but I sent her a keepsake box by mail and she returned it with a type written note saying that she was sick and tired of me "harassing her" and that if it didn't stop, she'd call the police.

Like you say, I am a very insecure person and I take everything very hard. It just makes me very angry that she did this to me knowing of my depression.

I finally know how she feels so I will stop trying to contact her.

Again being the person that I am, I wish her no harm.

Thanks for all your advice.

I appreciate it.

AR

[ar106]

Helen, I didn't speak to her. I know that it was stupid of me but I sent her a keepsake box by mail and she returned it with a type written note saying that she was sick and tired of me harrasing her and that if it didn't stop, she'd call the police on me. Still there was no explanation of "what I did to her".

It just upsets me that knowing of my depression she would do this.

I appreciate everyones advice.

Thank you.

AR

[ar106]

for the double post.

[Helen67]

I'm really sorry you have been so hurt by this woman, but she is not the only person out there. And don't forget there are many ppl on here who will try to help you, but ultimately it is your choice how you move on.

 

I'm glad you won't make anymore contact with her, and you hopefully have learned a valuble lesson, at least that you must not force yourself onto ppl, and seriously do not be taken advantage of financially, do not try and buy ppl's affection.

 

Please stay in touch on here, I personally would like to know how you are doing..

 

Hugs....Helen xx

[ar106]

Thanks again to everyone who replied.

Helen maybe you could e-mail me if you want. My e-mail is

email removed

Thanks for caring.

Angie

[Helen67]

Hi angie..

 

I will certainly keep your address, and e-mail so you have mine too.

 

But I warn you I'm a terrible e-mailer, all my friends and family have to wait weeks before I reply!

 

Just lazy, that's all.

 

Helen xx