Once a cheater always a cheater?

[candice378]

I am curious to see what you guys think about the once a cheater always a cheater thing. I did not believe it for a long time but the way my last relationship ended made me believe it is true. I have sworn never to date someone that has cheated before.

 

So what do you guys think about it?

[annie24]

well, i think it depends. a lot of people do dumb stuff that after they have grown and matured, they would not do. ie, just because a man cheated on his gf when he was 18 doesn't mean he'll cheat on his wife at 28.

[amtjrtcet]

well, i think it depends. a lot of people do dumb stuff that after they have grown and matured, they would not do. ie, just because a man cheated on his gf when he was 18 doesn't mean he'll cheat on his wife at 28.

 

I agree with Annie. I cheated at one time, but the pain and guilt it brought there is no way on God's green earth I'd ever do it again.

[Dako]

I think it's somewhat true if they cheated recently, but people change and grow over time.

 

I'd never start a relationship with someone already in a relationship, because they obviously have a current mindset to cheat. If it were long ago it may be more understandable.

[insofar]

I believe that anyone, assuming it's not a physiological problem, can change themselves. So for me, there has never been a time where I've been completely unwilling to forgive someone if they are truly sorry for hurting me.

[RayKay]

I think it truly depends on the circumstances. I would not hold it against someone if they cheated as a teenager years ago for example. To me when you are a teen, you don't always make the greatest choices, and you are still really realizing the impact of your choices and consequences. As long as you learned from it, I can accept that.

 

Now, if cheating was more recent or just because you "felt like it" or were "bored of relationship" and you failed to take responsibility for it, or appreciate how much you had hurt others....then no way. You may change, but I won't stick around and take the chance.

[sooky]

my relationship with my current boyfriend began while i was with someone else. the situation was complicated, but that is no excuse. in my situation, 'cheating' was a symptom and not the cause of problems in the previous relationship - but it took crossing that line to alert me to the problems. i know in retrospect where things went wrong, and will not be doing that again.

 

i dont think cheating once makes you a 'cheater'. though if someone has made a habit of it in the past, it is perhaps wise to be cautious...

[michaelb9689]

No i dont believe that once you cheat you will always be subjected to cheating in your relationships. I think its more based on the circumstances of your present relationship or previous relationships.

 

I do agree RayKay....yes teens do make some very bad choices

hopefully i learn from them

[shep88ner]

i, unlike most other posts on here do agree that once a cheater always a cheater. because obviously if they cheated in the past it shows they couldn't care less about the other person's feelings as long as they got what they want out of the deal. even if they meet their "love" or whatever, they're still going to be all about themselves and about personal gains. it would take something extraordinary for them to change, but even then, i dont think it's possible to 100% change

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I think some personality types are more predisposed to cheating, BUT ultimately, we can control our behaviour.

 

In my own case, I get bored easily, I like people, I'm fantastic at flirting, I'd routinely make people fall for me just because I could. I have a long and colourful cheating history. As a person, I'm impulsive and have a quick temper.

 

So it doesn't look good for my current boyfriend! But I have been faithful for a year, plus. Which has taught me that whatever you have done previously, anyone CAN make a committment to be faithful. If you love someone, you will be faithful. That's all there is to it.

[SherriLi]

I agree with Annie. I cheated at one time, but the pain and guilt it brought there is no way on God's green earth I'd ever do it again.

 

Exactly! People can change. I was the same way. I made some mistakes when i was young and immature. I look back and shudder. Now i know i could NEVER do anything like that. People make mistakes, and learn from them.

[Momene]

I cheated once on a fiancee and several times on girlfriends but would never do it again. I've been faithful to my wife for nearly 18 years, although we've had problems.

[kittysaysmeow]

I think it depends on two things:

 

1) Was the person exposed to it as a child (i.e. did mom or dad cheat?);

2) Was the person NEVER exposed to it growing up.

 

The first one is when I would say that he/she would cheat again. You do what you learn. If dad or mom cheated and the child knew about it then the person might cheat again. It's kind of like alcohol. If your mom or dad drank a lot, then you either a) will drink too or b) not drink at all or socially (or know how to watch yourself).

 

The second one is less likely to cheat again because he or she wasn't exposed to it.

 

That said, I really think it depends on the person. I've cheated before...more than once. I know in my mind that it's wrong and I don't want to hurt people but I did it anyway. Will I do it again? I don't know. I hope not. I'm trying to become a better person and learn from experience.

 

And, just because the person you're dating hasn't cheated before doesn't mean they won't cheat in the future. When you're in a relationship you always take a risk.