I'm so lost

[shorty20]

Alot of you might know my story, or at least bits and pieces of it, but my fiance is in the Army and he got in a bad car wreck and was severley hurt at the beginning of august. He came home and ended up going through multiple surguries do to negligence at the hospital he was recovering at before. Now he's back at his base and is hating it. They won't let him do anything, so he's bored out of his mind and just wants to come home.

 

Now he's stuck with having to wait to find out if he can stay in or not. For some reason he told me it'd be his choice whether he stayed in or took a medical discharge. That dosen't really make sense to me, isn't it the Army's choice? But anywayz, he asked me what I wanted him to do... stay in or get out. I told him that I didn't want to tell him that because my answer was semi-selfish. I don't WANT to have to be away from him for 6 months to a year at a time, especially when we have children, but I knew what I was getting into when I said I'd marry him. I knew things wouldn't be easy. A part of me also thinks that maybe he got into that accident for a reason. Maybe God almost killed him, to save his life. Maybe him getting hurt will keep him from going to Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever. Maybe he was supposed to get into the army so he could get back in touch with me. If it wern't for him being in the army we would have never re-met (long story) I know not everyone believes in "fate" but I believe that everything happens for a reason and that people are put in certain places at certain times...

 

So, is it right for me to tell him to get out? I know alot of my reasoning is selfish and I wouldn't want to keep him from doing something he really wants. He says part of his reasoning for wanting to stay in is a) he'll have stability for a family and b) he says that every guy has this little childish dream of wanting to shoot stuff and blow stuff up and in the army you get to do that...

 

I'm just so lost... right now it looks like we'll get married in december, and then he'll have to go back to Georgia to wait it out to see if he gets discharged or not... if he dosen't I"ll move out there, if he does he'll move back here. He was told it could be until mid feburary until he finds out... which means he'd be gone for my birthday AND our first valentines day image removed I knew this would be hard, but I guess I just wasn't prepared for all of this uncertainty... no one knows anything, and I don't know why it would take that long for them to decide whether he is of any use to them or not...

[justpaisley]

Military spouses definitely have to deal with a lot of uncertainty. Unexpected deployment, travel, moves... It's not a routine lifestyle. It is something you agreed to when you agreed to marry him, however.

 

If he wants to get out of the Army, he needs to have an exact plan of what he wants to do instead. Go to college, get a job, maybe join the Guard, something. The military definitely provides a stable income for families, so he needs to find something equally stable, and soon. If you're getting married, you don't want to deal with unemployment right off the bat.

 

I don't think you should tell him what to do. If you tell him to get out when all he wants is to stay in, he'll resent you. His COs could just be waiting to see if he gets better, at which point they'll be able to use him. I think you should both be making definite plans as to what you're going to do if he is discharged or decides to leave.

[BornToResist]

He asked you what your opinion is. I don't think it would be wrong to answer honestly.

 

It is just your personal opinion, and you do have a right to one. Don't get hurt or upset if he doesn't do what you want though. But why would he ask you a question like that if he didn't want your honest answer?

[Dako]

Shorty,

 

Breathe.

 

This might sound mean, but you seem in a headlong rush to make major life decisions. Marriage, children and his career decisions seem very critical, yet you seem very impatient.

 

A lifetime lies ahead, and easing into it without a timetable could reduce your anxiety.

 

To be blunt, if I were you I'd let him decide his future career all by himself, and put off the wedding until he's settled down a bit.

[shorty20]

well he's up for 100% medical discharge so even if he didn't have a job to start off with, he'll be getting at least 2-3000 a month from the army, plus he will get his GI bill to help put him through school. He has a couple ideas about what he'd like to do, but nothing definate yet.

[shorty20]

Dako, we have talked about postponing the wedding, but have come to the conclusion it wouldn't do any good. Regardless, we are still getting married whether he is in the army or not. I'm not rushing it, I'm doing what I think is best for us. We want to get married adn we both know without a doubt we want to get married. So what's the use in canceling the reception hall, the church, the DJ, the flowers, the cake... everything that I've already booked and put down payments on that are non-refundable... for no reason? He'll be home on leave anywayz, and I'm willing to wait here for him, or to go back with him whatever he may want me to do...