Whats wrong with me .. :(

[Vynde]

Hello again all..

 

I posted not long ago about my situation

 

Today, I'm feeling horrible.. I'm so very depressed. I just want to call my wife, tell her how much I miss her and that I want her to come home.. I can't stand being without her

 

We were together for 6 years, and married for just 1. I feel so heartbroken that she left me and didn't even want to try. I think about what she is doing everyday… It's been 25 days of NC.. and a little longer since I have seen her.. She has not tried calling or anything; I have not tried to call her, trying to keep strong with NC.

 

Today, I just want to call, to tell her I how much I still love her and that I would do anything to have her back.. My body is in such pain, and can't seem to let go of her even though I'm told I should.

 

I'm loosing control here and I don't know what to do.. I miss her so much, I'm 28, no kids, and feel that I was well on my way to starting a family of my own, which is what I always wanted.. with her. The thought of trying to find someone else and build up another relationship is killing me, I don't feel I can do it..

 

I don't know what to do anymore.. I guess I shouldn't call her.. but I love her and hate to see this fade away. .. I don't know why I can't let her go and get over this.. Whats my problem??? Why do I still love her so much and why am I afraid that I will never find anyone again to be close with and start a family.. It keeps me up all nig ht…

 

/ugh.. whats wrong with me… she is fine, why can I be?

Does anyone feel this way too, is this normal?? /cry 

 

Sorry for the long post, just really really down today.. and can't see the light.

 

John

[Biffy]

Hi John,

 

Sorry to hear you're suffering, from the posts of yours I've read you seem like a really nice fella and I hate it when nice folk are suffering.

 

You were together for 6 years, that is a very long time so of course it's normal for you to still feel like you do. Jeez, I'm 2 months out of a 6 MONTH relationship and still want me ex back/ feel like crap - but having said that I work with my ex so have to put up with her starring at me all day!

 

It will get better, like everyone on here keeps telling you - keep yourself as busy as possible and when you feel weak, post here. Whenever those rosey memories of your relationship start popping into your mind force yourself to counter those thoughts with negative thoughts of her.

 

Do not call her dude.

[icarus27]

John,

 

Please take heart. I know it's a cliche, but stay strong. We're feeling for you. You're going through heartache you don't deserve - you're a good man. She is the one that's done you wrong. You have no need to feel bad about not being stronger - everything is so raw for you now, the hurt hardly far away in the past. It's OK to feel so down, it's OK to have this pain. It's grief - allow yourself to feel it. Even if it hurts so awfully. Only by allowing yourself to let it wash over you now, will it lessen.

 

Try not to pick up the phone to her. Think of the possible negative outcomes - if you finish the call, then feel doubly bad that you have presented an over emotional face to her that you would rather she doesn't see.

 

Brother, you and I both worry ourselves sick about the future. I'm 28 like you. My ex-relationship was only for a year, but with it came a lot of dreams like yours. You dreamt of family, of building a life together, perfectly normal hopes. While you can't see how it's going to happen right now, please try your hardest to not plan the future. The number of people who tell me that 28 is young! I never believe them though. My heart says to me that my hopes of happiness with someone are over. What I'm saying to you is, put those thoughts to one side and say to yourself that you'll deal with them when you're stronger. You need not figure it all out right this minute. We're human, none of us can see the future.

 

If you have chances to get out of your flat, do so. Go elsewhere, not necessarily to bars where the music reminds you of the past - but give yourself a respite from your home environment. It's a respite, that's all it is.

 

How is your situation with friends / support? Is there someone you can call / visit? If possible, do that. Cry, rage, if you need to.

 

Don't give up mate. Remember the things you were telling me about how the hurt comes in waves. Remember how you've reached out and made a difference to me, a stranger accross the Atlantic, someone you've never seen or heard of before. Remember that you matter.

 

Keep posting and writing, I'm here for a PM if you want. Don't apologise for the long post - I prefer people to say their story. Courage, John.

[fridagrrl]

hi john,

you wrote such a nice post to me yesterday when i was feeling down, that i must write to you now.....

i know how you feel .....i'm feeling much the same way....i would say that NC is good, but i wonder if you and your wife talked about what went wrong?

do you know why she left ? do you know what she says you're guilty of ? or was it just that she decided to go and never said anything ?

 

it's painful and hard and such a TERRIBLE place to be.....depression sucks!!! and you seem like such a nice man....i'm so sorry that you're going through such a hard time.....

 

breaking up a marriage is so much worse than a regular break-up....it's painful....but you'll survive....you will.....i promise......

i'm so sorry.....hang in there

 

((((((((hugs)))))))))

frida

[JoeWho]

John

 

I know exactly how you feel. I was with my ex for ten years. Maybee the wrost part of the whole break up was giving up the dreams of the future. The future that included her and a family and all the other things that I thought were pretty much a for sure thing.

 

Everything you are feeling now is perfectly normal and it will pass. Take it one hour at at time when you are having a bad day.

 

Hang in there man it does get better. I felt just as bad as you do now and I thought I would never get any better, but somehow I have gotten a little better. I still have a long way to go but I know that I will make it now. You will make it too, I promise you that.

[Vynde]

Thanks guys,

 

I guess I just start thinking to much - Feels like my mind is on over-drive of late, and I cant seem to find the shut-off switch.

 

Its hard for me to understand why this is happening, and why she is doing this - I get flashbacks of all the time of things she said - "we will always be together" "for better or worse" and it hurts ..

 

Thanks for your support all - it means so much

 

John

[gojoshgo]

Wow, so many familiar stories. Life is made up of so many parallel events yet the small details make each day new and creating the variety allowing us all to have "my life story".

 

I share many of the same emotions as do many on here (now or previously). I know there is no future with my ex-wife (it would inevitably hurt me more in the end) yet I cant seem to let go of the future that seemed certain just months ago. No matter how hard I try, those thoughts rush me like Lawrence Taylor rushing John Elway. I can only hope and pray that they will fade because I have no way to control them yet.

 

Hang in there and know this community is here for you.

[desertnomad]

Yeah it hurts real bad. And it will continue to hurt at times for quite a while. I guess its a matter of learning to live with that pain and realizing it reminds you that you are alive. Even though there are much better feelings we would rather have.

 

I still have my seriously bad moments 4 months later after my ex of 4 years ran off with someone.

 

Again its all about what people do and not what they say or appear to be.

"What you do speaks so loudly I cant even hear what you say".

That quote always reminds me to try and look at the reality of the relationship and not what I thought or hoped I had.

 

Hang in there

[sunshine13]

I am feeling the exact same way as you are feeling today. This was all triggered when I went away with a bunch of couples this weekend. For the past few days I have not been able to sleep again and crying in the morning. I can only seem to think of how I am 29. I don't want to go back into the dating scene. I thought he was IT. . the ONE. I never thought I would be in this lonely place again. I have been having dreams about him and thinking why? Why does he hate me so bad that he cannot even have one conversation with me. We were supposed to be moving in together this past weekend. That is hitting me too. How can some people just go on with their lives and Not want to make it work and not care if they hurt. I would think on some level if they are human that they would have to miss us at some point. Maybe they are just stronger willed than we are. I keep hearing that time heals all wounds and to just stay strong. If you do not contact her right now that feeling will probably subside and you will start feeling a little better. You are going to have up days and down days. FIGHT IT! Be strong. I was actually an idiot yesterday and sent a mass text to everyone on my list and said "Happy Halloween!!". . . I forgot he was still in my phone book b/c I have him listed as something inappropriate to write here so that I remind myself not to call him. How ridiculous is it that I had to send another text apologizing to him for saying Happy Halloween b/c I forgot he was still in my phone book. . . . Otherwise I will be a "psycho in his eyes". . . What a crappy day. . . Tomorrow has to be better for both of us!!! Keep your head up. . .

[kath123]

hi vynde,

i've just returned from a trip away with my children,this is the first time ive been away with kids without my partner (ex). i cant tell you how heartbreaking it was, i kept wanting to contact him to say "you should be here, to see them on the beach collecting pebbles ,etc) but at the end of the day he has choosen to be somewhere else and theres nothing i can do to change this. I was supposed to stay away until friday,but i couldnt do it. I told my children we had to get back home and that i would take them for some days out instead, closer to home! I feel at the moment he has deprived all of us of a family life, i couldnt bear watching all the other families having fun together, where as i was simply suffering,because all my dreams for the future have been taken away from me.

I think the fact that you didnt have any children with your ex will make things easier for you in the long run, at least you will never have the pain of letting your kids be part of something that practically destroyed you ie>your ex and their new love, because i know that is going to be my next hurdle to jump.

You said in your post that the thought of finding someone else to live out your future with seems impossible, well maybe you should think more along the lines of "someone will find you!" you are obviously a very sincere loving person who one day will make a great husband to the right woman,and a wonderful father to this persons children (and yours of course)

You dont need to think about this at the moment,just get over each obstacle as they appear before you, and im sure that one day, you will be looking back at this time in your life,and realising it was worth all the pain because you will have come through it stronger and wiser and happier!

good luck again vynde,

kath xx

[Oldboy]

You fear the future based on how you are feeling now. You will not always feel this way. This will make you stronger. Believe in yourself. If someone shows you the door walk out with dignity and don't look back.

Nurture within yourself; strength, integrity, honesty,peace... all the higher human traits.

Then someone comes along who will appreciate the person you have become. A person who understands your values and standards.

[Deserted1]

Vynde, I can certainly empathize with you and many others on this thread. It has been almost 5 months since my break up and I STILL think about her everyday, and unfortunately most of the day. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but I can't wait for the day that these thoughts will disappear! We just have to go through this. Keep with the NC, this will help immensely! I was with my last ex for 3 1/2 years. For some reason this break hurts more than my divorce 5 years ago. I was married for 12 years then, together for 14, so yes I can understand what you're going through. The pain will subside in its own time, it doesn't seem like there is anything at all we can do to accelerate "the healing process." We will get better though!