sex twice a week is more then enough

[CROM]

do we not men?

 

if we had sex at least 2 times a week none of us would have this problem with stress and suffering...

 

me and my girlfriend been together 2 years we have a child together, and we used to have sex everyday...sometimes 2 or more times a day when we first started going out...

 

but now, its always the same thing.... "im tired" then she falls asleep...im here feeling like a pervert because i feel like i always want sex, thus making me so god damm depressed...

 

when i have sex i dont need sex for a good 3 days...

 

i bet alot of you feel the same way...

 

i have a extreem high sex drive too... i hate masterbating, it just makes me feel more depressed, but i have to, otherwise i get mad, and i take it out on my girlfriend, ...i just want to bash in my friends brains when they talk about all the sex they get from there girlfriends...

 

ive never cheated on my girlfriend...NEVER...she cheated on me though... not too long ago either.... i know she regrets it...honestly...

 

heres my plan...

 

i love my girlfriend so much....

 

what i have with her is like getting the car of your dreams, knowing you will never get another chance at ever getting a car like this again....

 

then being told you cant drive it...

 

i dont want to ever leave her....but i might have to

 

it sounds soo selfish, and i feel like a total jerk, but this stress and pain i cant deal with, I HAVE NEEDS TOO!!! i only say this cause, what kind of relationship is this? were 21 years old and our sex lives are like 40 years olds

 

ive talked to her about our sex life and my problem and i thought she understood how we need to fix it, but nothing has changed....

 

she talks to people on MSN for so long then she gets tired and goes to sleep...

 

then say "im sorry for being so tired and not wanting to have sex"

 

WELL!!! if you wernt on MSN talking to people for those momments when we could have had sex we wouldnt have this problem would we?

 

no...youd rather watch tv, go on the internet, anything else but to have sex with me...

 

 

i dont want to look back when im old and my you know what is all limp and i cant get it up anymore

 

IM SO FUSTRATED ITS NOT FUNNY....reading this post i might come off as a phyco and scary person, when actualy i consider myself a nice person who just wants to be happy....i never get into fights,

 

but now with all this sexual fustrations all i want to do is hurt people,,,

 

i hate the person ive become...all this because i have sex 1-2 month...

_________________

[nona021]

Wow, kay, you obviously are very sexually frustrated.

 

You've told you girlfriend how you feel, and thats great. But just make sure- did you explain in detail how you feel? That you feel unnatractive, like a 'pervert' (you aren't) for wanting sex that she doesn't?

 

Have you asked her why SHE never feels like having sex? She likely doesn't even know why. It could be a huge number of reasons- she may even have wacky hormones after being pregnant (it does happen).

 

Explain to her the strain that this puts on your relationship. Thats the best advice I can give- but hang in there. You obviously care alot about this girl, but your feeling rejected. I'm sure you guys will work things out. Good luck!

[bzborow1]

First thing, to solve your problem sitting down and talking with her will likely not work. You'll say that you would like to have sex as you have a very high sexual appetite and find her very attractive, then she'll tell you she just doesn't feel in the mood. This may be correct, in fact she's probably right, but here's where the detective comes in.

 

When you first started dating everything was new and exciting, you two were exploring each other, etc, etc. But now that you've been dating for so long things change. Be honest here, when you first started dating you were probably spending more time courting her. That is, doing things to impress her because you didn't expect her to be there whereas now you kind of take her for granted.

 

Taking her for granted rubs off sexually in a big way. First off, although you were having sex more you probably didn't "expect" to have sex. That is to say you wanted her, but the sex was a fringe benefit...whereas now you're probably acting like it's her duty to have sex with you (when you tell her, "i have needs"). So I think as part of your test for her you need to rediscover what you had before with her, and treat sex as a benefit of being with her as opposed to a right of the relationship.

 

I think you can accomplish this by courting her more now, only this time you've got to be a bit of a challenge to her. Take her out on dates as if you two were first dating, be very romantic, and at the end of the date don't go in for sex...do something more like hmmm...ok....run her a bubble bath, read to her (she's gotta have SOME books she reads), candles, strawberries, etc....but no sex...just fun for her and talk. I think it's really a big thing if you can show her that sex is great but isn't expected.

 

So for the test I mentioned. Well it's not really a test. I was just trying to give you some ideas on what I thought would help spice up the relationship, and if you put in all the work and find she's just not responding...perhaps she's just got a really low sex drive, or perhaps her interest level is lowering.

 

That's my two cents.

 

Bill

[mermayd]

Hi. I am sorta in the same position as you are in. I find it quite strange that my bf never wants to have sex. At 21, the sex drive should be raging, right? We are both 21 and sex has become more and more infrequent. We, too, only have sex about once a month or so. I feel like I am unattractive and cant understand why he doesnt want me. I know that I am good looking and when we go out, I always get looks from other guys. Matter of fact, it has come to the point where I depend on other guys looking at me to reassure myself that Im not hideous. I dress up to go out and I am never told I look great, never feel like I am wanted sexually...until someone else looks at me. I honestly dont understand it either. Maybe its because we live together and see eachother all the time. maybe its because there is a lot of stress in our daily life. Maybe your situation is complicated because of the child you have. I dont think you should leave her, as sex is not the only factor in a relationship. However, it is an important one. Maybe talk to her and see if there is anything you are doing wrong or anything you could do better or if there is just something on her mind lately. Im sorry I cannot give more helpful advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with ya and you're not alone in this.

[Mccrat]

Yup, I know where your coming from.....

 

My husband and I have been married for six years. We have two children, a dog, new house and busy jobs. Before we had children our love life was wonderful. Once sometimes twice a day....When our daughter came along things changed. Mostly with me. I was sore after giving birth for quite a while and didn't have the interest until she was about 7 weeks old. But things were not as easy as before. She was colic for 3 months, he worked long hours and I was up all night with the baby and tired during the day. Since then things haven't changed much. We are both tired now. Work is stressful and kids are a handful. We are up to about 1-2 times a week, which we have to schedule and that is not fun at all. Sometimes we 'have' the time, but both don't want to. A LOT of the times he wants to and once in a while I want to. I know this sounds terrible, but after I have been at work all day, come home make supper, give the kids a bath and get them into bed, clean the dishes, do the laundry and walk the dog, its 10:00 and I am beat.

 

I know it bothers my husband. He doesn't think its healthy....he would love to have it every day again...but he is patiently waiting. Only once in a while he mentions he would like to have it...usually after about 5 days and I make the time. I just need to be reminded once in a while.

 

I must admit though, his reminding is always verbal. He does things like gives me an oil message, brushes my hair and makes me feel so special. That is usually enough to get things going.....Are you are sitting there waiting for it, is it because you expect it? Do you pay attention to her? That is one of the best ways to get attention back. If your letting her talk on msn and surf the internet while you sit on the couch and watch TV waiting for her, then your not sending her messages that you care about her and want to be with her. She may need to be reminded that you do love her. While she is sitting there, rub her shoulders and play with her hair....

 

Just a thought....

[CROM]

yeah thats whats weird...

 

i talked to her about my sexual fustration...

 

and the big problem is our work...

 

dont get it wrong, if anything i take care of our child the most, i clean, i do more then my share of the work around the house....

 

tonight i found a cure.....i found a cure to being sexualy fustrated...

 

alcohol

 

i started drinking a bit when my girlfriend went to sleep cause once again she was "tired" and i cant really blaim her....if shes tired i dont want to have sex with her, that just makes it worse....although she kept on trying to wake up and started saying things like she was trying to stay up to have sex with me...

 

i make sure i make a good effort to let my gf now i love her...

 

i tell her shes looks good everyday...

i get her things when shes watching tv...

i incourages dates all the time, go to movies, to a restaurant...

i sang her a song and played guitar for her...

 

i mean im not a ugly guy....alot of my women friends tell me im very attactive....i hate saying that kind of stuff, but it decribes the situation better...

 

basically i try hard to make things the way they were when we first were going out...

 

i told her to not worry, cause aint nothing worse then having sex with someone who doesnt feel like having sex...

 

so anyways i started having a couple of drinks and decided to go to a strip club to releave some tention...after a few drinks, i realized that i never found any of the strippers attractive....i realized how much i loved my girlfriend...and found that drinking is a easy way to surpress sexual urges...

 

my problem was the urges...i wanted sex at the most unreasonable times...although she has admitted, that her desire to have sex has decreases largly... and that made me fustrated...

 

so after a few drinks i found that my thoughts were clear...i came home thinking i would have to masterbate to get this tension off ...but no.... i surpress the uges...and now i feel better....

 

i hate all these doctors when you ask them how to decrease your sex drive tell you that its wrong to...if its so wrong how come it feels right????

 

you can get alot acomplished when you dont have sex on your mind...

[artoferos]

Sex is not an one time act - it is an entire process.

 

This discussion seems tosay - have a busy day, come into bed, have sex and go to sleep. Well it doesn't work that way. You can't tune on and off at will. You need to keep it lubricated and tuned all th etime. Actually requires very little effort.

 

There is need to talk and all that, but you got to use your imagination a lot.

 

Throughout the day whenever you get a chance try

erotic communication

hugging

kissing

touching

laughing

 

And then ask for sex , you will always have a great time.

One small example how you can turn an irritant into a great sex session.

 

When she is on the MSN.

 

Play with her breasts, kiss her and get passionate.

 

Go down and have oral sex, let her continue doing what she wants - don't ask her to stop - she will stop on her own.

 

Come back to me if this one does not work.

[Cyn53]

First off I'd like to say that I just stumbled accross this web-site today and already I feel so much better. I thought I was the only one who feels so alone. I am going through the same thing with my b/f of 3yrs. He has no desire for sex. I feel so depressed about it. What does it say about me when my man won't hit the sheets with me? I feel so unattractive and unwanted. I am only 21 and he is 25. We have sex about once a month. that I have to beg and throw a fit for........ then it is 15minutes of strait humping and half the time he won't kiss me during sex. He won't engage in fore-play (it just doesn't interest him right now he says), it's just lube up and hop on........ hurry up and get off. Where is there making love anywhere in that? I love him so so so much. He always has an excuse not to make love. I feel so bad but I keep feeling angrier every time I am rejected. I know he can't be cheating on me, but the sex used to be awesome. I was and still am up for anything so I don't know how he could be bored. I find porn on his computer..... he always says it's for some one else, but I am not dumb. Basically I am at my wits end I don't know what to do. I have tried everything from sextoys to videos to barely there outfits. Love and kindness get me no where. So I know where you are coming from don't feel bad. It's a tough situation.... if I find a solution you'll be the first to know.