Who should pay?

[loveydovey]

....the man or the woman? Should a man pay all the time? In what situations is it okay to pay 50/50?

[atraceofblood]

I heard somebody or some guide say if you ask the girl twice if you can pay and she refuses, to let her pay too.

 

I personally wouldn't put too much pressure on the situation. I'd prefer to pay if I asked the girl out.

 

Why does all this matter? haha I hate these small things.

[yeawutever]

Who ever makes the surprise and ask the person out, whoever is the organizer.

[Daligal83]

It depends on the situation. I think that if it's the first few dates, whoever did the asking for that particular date should pay. If the date is kind of expensive though, both people should contribute. If this is in a relationship, I'd say take turns paying and sometimes just pay your own way.

[AngelEyez]

I say pay 50/50! Women are as equal as men, thereforeeee there should be EQUAL contributions of $$$ towards a date. My boyfriend paid for a few things, and I paid for a few things. It was equal in the end. Personally, I hate when someone pays for me because I find myself non-deserving. Also, my mom always told me not to accept from others. My boyfriend doesn't understand still, hehe.

[loveydovey]

So if we're talking about a couple who is in a committed relationship that could lead to marriage, the woman should still pay 50/50? Or should the man take care of the bulk.

 

Furthermore, if we are talking about a married couple (or 2 people that co-habitate), should the man pay for the larger bills and the woman take care of small things around the home?

[AngelEyez]

If the man should pay for larger bills and the woman only takes care of the smaller things around the home...isn't that reinforcing that men dominate women?

[loveydovey]

There are many things that give men power in thinking they are superior to women. Is money of them? Or does a man need to take care of his wife and family (or whoever is to become his wife)?

[AngelEyez]

A man doesn't need to take care of his family on his own. I think it should be an equal contribution. Who said that papa has to be the bread winner, while mama stays home to cook and clean? Times are changing...

[redrose85]

Something that works well for my bf and I is that we just try to remember who bought dinner, paid for the movie tickets, etc... last. We do 50/50, and something that we really like is when one person buys dinner, the other person buys dessert, and then the next time it's the opposite. That way, one person doesn't blow a good $50-80 on a nice meal and dessert, leaving the other feeling guilty (that's me) lol.

 

When both of us contribute, we feel good. As far as bills, we don't plan to live together until we're married, but we will most likely just split the lump sum of the bills 50/50. It all depends on the couple though. If my bf had his way, he'd probably pay all the time, but I don't let him. I sneak up to the cash register and swipe my card before he does. He always manages to always pay for the gas though, so I just get him back by buying him lunch or making him a lunch and bringing it to work.

[rocio]

Depends on the persons in the relationship. There is another thread going on the same topic. I personally like the guy to pay when we go out. Alot of people seem to think that this is a sin or that I'm stuck in the dark ages, but I think it's only myself and my guy who can decide what's right for us.

[redrose85]

the first date or two, I think the guy should pay. That's the old fashioned side of me

[loveydovey]

Hazey_amber, its interesting you say that. Whenever you and your bf go out, do you feel as if you are perpetuating the old-fashioned mentality that many think we should leave in the past? Do you ever feel guilty if 4 out of 5 times he pays?

[rocio]

No, I don't feel guilty when he pays 5 out of 5 times. He is getting plenty out of the relationship.

 

And why should I care about what many of you think? I am my own person and I can come to my own conclusions.

[caro33]

If you're interested, the link to that other thread is -

 

 

 

There has been some robust discussion on this issue, but end result was *somewhat* agreed.

[melrich]

I do think it is a matter of circumstances, what works for the particular couple. Generally I think who asks, pays. After the first couple of dates I think it's 50/50 unless there is a serious income inbalance.

 

When you are solid and join finances it obviously doesn't matter so much.

 

My word of warning is wherever there are inequities in a relationship (financial, emotional, effort etc) they will eventually raise their head if not addressed.

[loveydovey]

If you're interested, the link to that other thread is -

 

 

 

There has been some robust discussion on this issue, but end result was *somewhat* agreed.

 

Thanks so much. I was looking for it earlier

[loveydovey]

By the way, I feel as if once we decide to be in a relationship and are discussing monogamy, committment, marriage, I think a man should WANT to pay for me--for whatever. And that's all i'm going to say.

 

Off to the other thread!

[Momene]

In our case, all money is in joint names, so whoever gets the credit card out doesn't matter.

 

Who pays more when dating should depend more on income levels than gender.