in a room with his roomate alone for 45 minutes!

[xxrletxx11]

okay, i havee two problems i am a little concerned about. First off, hello to everyone here at enotalone your posts are very helpful! I hope i can offer the same.

 

I have been with my new boyfriend for 3 months. Okay, it sounds like nothing, but we have been "seeing"eachother for the past 5 summers. his family has a house near mine. But, this summer he decided to move here. He lives with 3 boys and 1 girl who are all his best friends. The girl, he has hooked up with before. She is not very attractive at all, and when they did hook up he told me he was disgusted and they were both drunk. This was way before me and him decided to be together.

 

Recently, i was at his house and she came home drunk out of her mind. She threw up all over herself, stripped down naked in the kitchen and was screaming "i want to have sex" yeah, i know what your thinking, DISGUSTING. But, anyways. She went upstairs, where her room is and invited some boy over. When he got there he realized how drunk she was and left. She blamed my boyfriend and said he told the kid to leave. Meanwhile, she is yelling at him saying how bad she needs to have sex. So, he is at the bottom of the stairs and says, "dont worry you still will" and winks at her. I didnt take it seriuosly i thought he was kidding obviosly. I was standing right there im pretty sure he knew i saw what he said. But then, about an hour later. We were all downstairs and she was upstairs in her room.

 

She started calling my boyfriends name to go upstairs to talk to her. He went. For a while i could hear them talking, but the TV was really loud so i couldnt here them good. I started to get a really bad feeling in my stomach and thought that something was happening. I turned the TV all the way down and couldnt hear anything upstairs. I thought i was going to throw up. They were upstairs for almost 45 minutes. When he came down he knew i was mad and didnt say 1 word about it. So, i told him i was going to bed. I went in his room, and left the door open so i could here what he was saying to his other roomate. His roomate was like * * * are you thinking, and he said shutup ill tell you what happened in the morning. So i basically thought i had it confirmed that something happened.

 

I ran out of the room and got my stuff to leave. He freaked out and followed me outside. I started crying and he didnt get what i was upset about. Then, he continued to tell me that she was talking to him about something that happpened to her. He started to cry a little bit. and he told me that she said that their other roomate raped her. I know it sounds horrible but i dont know if i believe him. I told him i did because i felt horrible that if it was true how could i accuse him of cheating on me when he just foung out his roomate was raped by his bestfriend. But, my stomach still gets sick when i think about it, and part of me doesnt believe him. The other night there was an open condom raper in his drawer that he said he beat off with, which got me suspicous again that he is sleeping with his roomate. Please help me. I dont know what to do. The thiing is, im alwayyyys at his house, i sleep over at least 4 times a week. She knows he loves me. I just dont know. im so confused

[rose2summer]

Wow, what a complicated story, I am sorry you had to go through this, here's a hug hun.

 

I am very suspicious about his behavior, why did he ignore you when he went to talk to her? That seems a bit odd.

 

Had she been raped, wouldn't they have called the police on the roommate?

 

I don't see why he would use a condom when it's just on himself, more likely he was using it with some other girl, this one?

 

What was the time delay between her saying she wanted to have sex and him going up to her room?

[ImThatGirl]

So it goes from her stripping down in front of people, to her screaming that she needs sex, to her having a guy over to have sex with, the guy leaving, your guy winking and saying "she will," to her screaming for him, him going up for 45 minutes and they talked about her being raped by the roommate.

 

I'd be very leery of his story. The roommate still live there? Have you been there since then?

 

How dare he leave you downstairs for 45 minutes!!!!!

[rose2summer]

Ok, ITG just lit up this story perfectly.

 

So it goes from her stripping down in front of people, to her screaming that she needs sex, to her having a guy over to have sex with, the guy leaving, your guy winking and saying "she will," to her screaming for him, him going up for 45 minutes and they talked about her being raped by the roommate.

 

He was telling the roommate he accused of the rape that

His roomate was like *** are you thinking, and he said shutup ill tell you what happened in the morning.

so he would play along with the story.

 

If you really want your answer, walk up to the roommate and say, I am going to file a police report because my bf told me you had raped X. If you really are innocent, you need to make my bf come clean that he lied.

[forza2]

I think he's cheating on you

[ImThatGirl]

How old is this guy?

[SunflowerFields]

Ok, I'm a little suspicious at this point too... I'm really not sure what kind of advice to give but I'll try my best at the bottom. I just want to point out one thing first that I realized that maybe you or whoever else answers this thread can analyze.

 

I'm not sure I would believe what your boyfriend said because how could his roommate have had such a serious conversation about something like that (rape) with him considering how drunk she was? And also, why would he take her seriously about that if she's drunk and her sense of judgement is shot? I mean, I don't think anyone who goes around screaming "I want sex!" can be taken seriously...at that time, at least.

 

I'm not sure what to tell you. I know this seems to be the universal "thing to do" but I think you should sit him down and talk to him and demand the absolute truth, and give him reasons as to why you question what he told you. Also, let him know that you heard and saw him wink at her. If that had anything to do with what went on up in her room for 45 minutes then maybe he'll feel stuck and feel like there's no use in lying. (Of course, I'm not saying that he is lying.)

 

Just talk to him. I hope my advice helped a little.

[rose2summer]

Here's another approach,

 

Like RC mentioned, confront him.

 

You can say, I already know what went on between you and X. Let's just get this past us and move forward, so just lay it out on the table so we can move on.

 

You trap him without knowing, and if he really did cheat, you leave him and never look back.

[SunflowerFields]

Ok, ITG just lit up this story perfectly.

 

 

 

He was telling the roommate he accused of the rape that so he would play along with the story.

 

If you really want your answer, walk up to the roommate and say, I am going to file a police report because my bf told me you had raped X. If you really are innocent, you need to make my bf come clean that he lied.

 

I just read all that and that is darn good thinking. I'd definitely consider this too.

[Scout]

If you really want your answer, walk up to the roommate and say, I am going to file a police report because my bf told me you had raped X. If you really are innocent, you need to make my bf come clean that he lied.

 

That is a brilliant suggestion. And I can't think of any other way that the poster is going to get the true answer.

[ImThatGirl]

I think that the idea might work.

 

However, I think if there's any chance that it's true, this may cause for an unsafe environment for all.

 

I don't know... Something about involving other people in my relationship issues. I mean, I may vent to my friends but I'd never play the "he said, she said." Not my style.

 

His roomate was like *** are you thinking, and he said shutup ill tell you what happened in the morning. So i basically thought i had it confirmed that something happened.

 

If there was any truth to the "rape story," I think the roommate would have more likely withdrawn and stayed in his room quietly worrying about what was being said.

 

Not to say that drinking and sex go hand in hand but was your bf drinking?

 

I also think that he would have said something when he came downstairs instead of not addressing the issue of leaving you alone for so long. What was his demeanor when he came down. If you've known him for so long, you can probably determine whether he's terribly upset or seems in shock from hearing such a thing.

 

I'm sorry but I really think his story is phony and tacky. Especially the condom wrapper in his room.

 

I'm curious to know more about how he typically treats you and what your relationship is usually like.

 

If my guy ever even put me in that situation, I hope I'd walk. I hope I'd be strong enough to not try to figure it out.

[xxrletxx11]

Thank you everyone so much. your advise is definitly helping. I dont know what to do. The police report sounds the most logical and i did consider that. I feel as though he knows i would never have the nerve to ask her something so personal. Because if it is true, how is that my place to file a police report. I did talk to him about it. And he goes off on the fact that i dont trust him. Today i just talked to him and he apologized for acting weird when i asked about a condom wrapper in his room that i know me and him never used. He told me again that he used it is to beat off. I just dont know. I feel horrible because i dont trust him, and he could have actually been telling the truth. But, i dont know how else to find out if everything is true. The other thing is. The roomate who supposidly raped this girl, has gone home for about 3 weeks this past month. Right after she told him about the rap, he had already left. It was very random, and he pays 600$ a month to live in a house that he is barely even at?...thats another reason why i started to believe it. Also, i do talk to her, we are friends and i have seen her since. At first i thought she was acting weird around me, but i could just be nervous about the situation in general.

[Scout]

I would love to hear some male perspectives on this situation. Especially on the whole "I used a condom when I got myself off" incident. I can't help but wonder if guys actually do this?? I never would have thought so, that's for sure.

[crvers]

Meh, condom thing isn't necessarily untrue...I personally have done it out of sheer boredom and laziness. Just because I had one lying around and figured I didn't want to get up to get toilet paper/tissue paper. It was there and decided to just use it. So its not necessarily wrong. On the sick side you could always smell it, if a female was involved it would most likely have her "juices" smell...ladies agree???

 

On the other note of cheating/rape...its definitely a serious accusation to make on someone. It may be a good idea, but it could also cause a major rift in the whole group especially if they are friends and the statement is untrue.

 

Personally its not hard to believe that could happen. A woman of that nature may be very very very open about sex. So when someone concludes she a * * * * * and always wants it, they could ultimately force themselves on her without figuring they're doing anything wrong. Then again, they could've had sex and was rejected afterwards, thus becoming angry and vindictive...

 

Best bet, talk to her. Come in from a woman's point of view and ask her if she is alright. Find out how long ago it happened and whether she could go to the hospital for a rape test. Even if she says he did, then filing a report you would require evidence...

[sixpounder]

why would he beat off with a condom on? lol sorry

[amtjrtcet]

sounds like a cheater, sorry, just my opinion

[friscodj]

Well, let me try to get organized here:

 

1) His "beating off into a condom" story is completely ridiculous and I'd be insulted if I were you to hear such drivel. Has he told you about doing this before this incident?

 

2) I'd have a hard time believing a drunk girl who was just standing at the bottom of a staircase stripping and begging for sex, in front of witnesses no less, got "raped". Come on...and the cops would probably say the same thing...and these guys know that. Such a convenient and unsubstantiable story...the perfect lie really...

 

3) But you can boil this whole problem down to one thing: something strange is definitely going on here and you are being left to search for answers on an Internet site. If this were a healthy relationship, or even close to being one, don't you think he would talk to you, not be so secretive about things, and make sure you understood and were comfortable with the situation? Don't you think he would take your feelings into consideration a little more here? Why would he go to her room while you are there? Can't the other roommate console/take care of her?

[xxrletxx11]

We usually have a very good relationship. We do alot together, and like i said, im usually there everynight. We havent really ever talked about him using a condom when he beats off, its not our usual conversation, but it didnt seem sincere to me because when i first confronted him, he seemed unsure of the answer and then had to confirm it again today when i talked to him because he said he was thinking about it all day and he gave me a shady answer the night before. Its really hard for me right now. im very torn. I know that there is no real way to find out if anything is going on. His other roomate, is a very good kid. Im thinking of asking his personally because i feel as though he might tell me. It is my boyfriends best friend, but i am really close with him also. Its just, whenever im there, she is there too. And i feel as though any girl would not want to be around some guy that she is having sex with and hid girlfriend. But that could just be me. I need help, please. I dont know how to handle this or confront any of them. Ive talked to him already, and he always says the same thing. "you really have no trust in me"...and makes me feel guilty about it. its just such a hard situation

[friscodj]

Now the "you don't trust me?" guilt trip...

 

I would talk to each separately, your boyfriend, the roommate, and the "other woman"...really question them and see if their stories add up 100%...

 

Then again, if the situation has reached this point, I'd say continuing this relationship and especially taking it to the next level will be an uphill battle in many senses...

 

I would trust your intuition on this because I bet your inuition is correct...

[TheRedQueen]

Your boyfriend is not a good person, he's selfish and manipulative at best, and absolutely evil at worst.

 

Please do yourself an enormous favor and get rid of this guy immediately. He is 100% shady and thereforeeee 100% not to be trusted.

[TheRedQueen]

I would love to hear some male perspectives on this situation. Especially on the whole "I used a condom when I got myself off" incident. I can't help but wonder if guys actually do this?? I never would have thought so, that's for sure.

My female perspective on this, is that this is by far the lamest excuse I have ever heard for a man explaining why he just so happens to have a used condom in his possession. The nimrod didn't even have the sense to get rid of the incriminating evidence, thereby making him not only utterly pathetic, but also in my opinion guilty as charged.

[xxrletxx11]

it wasnt the actual used condom, it was just the wrapper if that makes a difference. I know you are right he does sound shady. I dont want to be naive. But i still feel as though i cannot accuse him of anything. What if everything he is saying is true...

[TheRedQueen]

it wasnt the actual used condom, it was just the wrapper if that makes a difference. I know you are right he does sound shady. I dont want to be naive. But i still feel as though i cannot accuse him of anything. What if everything he is saying is true...

Is it possible that everything he is saying is true??? Yeah, sure it's possible, however is it probable? Nope, not in the least.

 

Please read your original post again, perhaps you will see what I and everybody else sees so clearly. This guy is a selfish, self-serving liar. Please, please, please get rid of him, he does not deserve you.

[krnswte143]

im in a similiar situation as u... omg. bf roomats w/ his ex too.and other ppl....wow.. i kno wat ur feeling

 

 

but what ur saying.. it doesnt make sense... has ur bf ever gave u reason to doubt him or distrust him? if not then maybe he was there jus talking.. but if they were in there 45 min.. shoot i would jus go in their room n see whats takin so long.. i wouldnt tolerate that... im not sayin he is cheating u cus we really dont kno ..cus we werent there to witness the thing between ur bf and his roomate .. i think u should talk to ur bf about this n find out whats going on....

[Rabican]

hes cheating on you... guys dont beat off while wearing a condom so you have proof. Plus his behavior, hanging out alone with his drunken roomy while shes screaming for sex... thats just appaling. Id tell him to take a hike.