We're more than friends, but I don't know how much more...

[Blitzar]

Hi all,

 

I recently broke up with my GF of nearly a year in September. Consequently, a good friend of mine (I'll call her P) broke up with her fiance around the same period.

 

While we've been friends for quite some time: We worked and had class together, and when either of us had relationship problems we'd call the other one.

 

I had several clues that my friend was into me earlier this year, when I was in the process of breaking up with my GF. P encouraged me to be single "like her" and when I asked why, she dodged the question. I was worried about other things at the time, and I never paid too much attention to it. She's extremely attractive (a model), but we're friends, and I've always respected that boundary. We're friends because we put up with each other and have similar interests and we're intellectual peers.

 

A few weeks after I had broken up with my GF, she invited me over to her place to watch a movie late at night. We both ended up passing out on her bed, cuddling. When we woke up we kissed a few times. I didn't read too much into then, either. It happens.

 

Now, over the past two weeks, she's been very affectionate towards me and she's slept over my place twice, and we proceeded to get a tad more physical, 2nd base stuff or so. She's made the move to hold my hand in public, and after that, and whenever we leave class, we passionately kiss each other goodbye.

 

I've really developed some feelings for my friend: I've realized how much she was there for me and that while we're different in some regards we have a mutual respect. I'm protective of her, and she supports me, that's how our friendship was. I've always viewed my ideal relationship as a complimentary union of two friends, so I'm all for becoming something more.

 

A few things bug me to no end, however. She calls me rarely, and almost never returns my calls - she used to take them all the time before the past few weeks. I normally would take this as a sign that a girl wants to avoid me, but when I see her in class she openly solicits times I'll be available to hang out without my asking first. She's begged me to register in a class with her, and she wants me to see a movie with her next Friday. She asks me if she can call me later on that night, but she never does. If I call her, she doesn't pick up.

 

I'm very concerned also, of two things:

 

Because of how she looks (blonde model with a boob job), I know that she can easily pick up guys whenever she wants, and it makes me concerned that she is probably seeing someone on the side besides me, and that explains her inavailability. I fancy myself a good looking guy, she says I'm hot, but that only gets you so far, ya know? I'm her best guy friend, and she never kept anything from me before.

 

Secondly, when I asked her in bed what was going on with us, she grinned and said "I don't know." She then initiated some more physical activity and I forgot I even asked. She's told me that she likes what's happening, and that she likes me a lot, but nothing beyond that.

 

 

In summary, my questions are...

 

1) Why doesn't she return calls anymore, even if she knows they are probably in regards to work or class related stuff?

2) Am I right to suspect other guys in the equation?

3) Why wouldn't she answer my question directly?

[Lansing]

Good question on that! Maybe she is a "rules" type of girl....

 

I also ran into a situation where a girl seemed excited every time we met, or when I called her... but, a few times now she has told me she will call on a certain day and she hasn't.....

 

What would happen if you don't call her at all? How do you think she will react?

[Blitzar]

Thanks for responding. The more advice I get the more it helps confirm my own opinions.

 

Anyways, I don't call her for a few days at a time sometimes (kind of in retaliation ), and she doesn't even mention it. I know I'm gonna see her in class, she always saves me a seat.

 

I guess she might be a "Rules" type of girl - she used to be very wild, from what I understood, but she's cleaned up her act - she was very faithful to her fiance. She does seem to have a thing for the old "Southern Gentleman", being from a blue-blooded Virginia family. I'm a transplanted Yankee, but I get a lot of respect down here for my manners.

 

What does everyone else think?

[Weeblie]

In summary, my questions are...

 

1) Why doesn't she return calls anymore, even if she knows they are probably in regards to work or class related stuff?

2) Am I right to suspect other guys in the equation?

3) Why wouldn't she answer my question directly?

 

1) She could be really flakey or busy or maybe she's one of those text message only people. Too many possibilities. It might be a good idea if you ask her about that.

 

2. I think to some degree one should always guard their hearts and be wary of odd behavior. But since she's affectionate in public and she's willing to be around you in public...it's not likely that she's got someone else.

 

3. This is just a guess...I think she's probably enjoying how things are and isn't ready to talk about that whole relationship/commitment stuff yet.

[heloladies21]

1) Why doesn't she return calls anymore, even if she knows they are probably in regards to work or class related stuff?

It's most likely a test of your confidence and your ability to stick up for yourself. In any case, you can't continue to be cool with her ignoring all your calls. If you are, then she'll think you're a man with no boundries and will never take you seriously

 

2) Am I right to suspect other guys in the equation?

At this point, all bets are off and both of you are free to do as you please. It is a definite possibility and you should assume that she has at least another guy in the picture until you find out otherwise.

 

3) Why wouldn't she answer my question directly?

At that point, she didn't want to enter into a monogamous relationship with you. She's going to need to see more out of you ie. pass more of her tests for that to happen.

[Blitzar]

Hmm...You may be on to something, Weeblie (thanks for replying BTW).

 

She does seem kind of flakey at times - she is an odd girl, and she does odd things. Maybe this is one of the things about her. She's a good person, all in all, but I wish I knew why she stopped being so available all of sudden since our recent encounters.

 

EDIT: Thanks, HeloLadies21. Yeah, I did complain about it to her, and she said it's because she doesn't check her phone (I can relate, I do the same thing). I'm getting ready to call her out on it again though- because, well, we do have important extra curricular stuff going on and it would be convenient if she picked up or called when she said she would.

 

Once again, thanks for all recent and future postings!

[heloladies21]

EDIT: Thanks, HeloLadies21. Yeah, I did complain about it to her, and she said it's because she doesn't check her phone (I can relate, I do the same thing). I'm getting ready to call her out on it again though- because, well, we do have important extra curricular stuff going on and it would be convenient if she picked up or called when she said she would.

No prob, this site is great I know. As far as her, make her make an exception for you. Your time and intentions are important and even if you're calling for no reason at all, she doesn't know that if she doesn't even pick up the call.

 

She has to answer your calls. At this point in the interaction between you two, there's just no doubt about it.

[blondebombshelter]

She's into you. I would behave exactly like that. She's just following a few of those stupid rules that you do when you do like someone. A real pain for everyone concerned, but it's working, obviously!

[Blitzar]

Damn, you got a point there.

 

I lurked on this site for a long time, and now I'm getting fantastic responses for my own question. You guys are awesome. Thanks again! Keep the replies coming, they're incredibly helpful!

[itsallgrand]

She'll keep toying you along as much as you let her.

 

Don't sleep in the same bed as her right now.

Don't passionately kiss.

Don't let her get away with jerky behavior.

Don't allow her to manipulate you by distracting you with kissing/physicality.

 

Make her actually show a real interest, or only be friends. Friends don't fool around and sleep in bed like that. Unless you're after a casual thing?

 

Right now...she's playing you like a sucker and she knows it! She knows your level of interest is higher than hers.

 

She probably has a few guys on the go just like this.

 

Better set her straight.

 

Honestly though, if anyone pulled this crap, I'd be losing interest very quickly. Where's the respect? She shouldn't need to be told or given boundaries in order to act respectfully/courteously. Unless you're okay with all that..

 

different perspective for you anyways

[Blitzar]

Hmm...that's a different angle, too. I guess that could be possible. I'd find it weird though, if anything, for her to be using me, though. I've gotten more from her than she got from me...she used to buy me lunch out the office almost every day of the week when I couldn't afford it.

 

Even if what you say is true, I can take some consolation in knowing I made a girl spend more on me than I did on her. HA!

[langford]

you won't really know until you ask her straight out and even then she might give a sketchy reply so try and be very very direct.

 

I acted in a very similar way with a guy I really liked [kissing,hugging etc then flakey etc,also the same with the rare or no calls,I think this is just a playing passive female thing and is'nt indicative of her interest].Believe me she would not be physically intmate with you hugging,kissing et al unless she liked you on some level,women are not like men we don't jump anything that walks.

 

I don't know how interested she is but she is certainly into you at some level.I know for me the thing that eventually made me quit with the flakeyness was seeing him around a whole bunch of other girls.Maybe that will work.