No more sex? Confused...

[InsertNameHere]

So me and my girl friend have been dating about a year and a half. Our sex life is pretty good, or should I say, it used to be pretty good. We used to have sex on a regular basis and fool around, but suddenly she has changed. She had some revelation and she told me she wants to now wait until she is married before we can do anything else. This threw me for a loop. We both lost our virginities to each other and we waited until we were both ready, and now suddenly she wants to stop? She has told me constantly that I am the only guy she wants to marry, and I believe it. But I don't get why we have to stop. I have talked to her about it and how I feel, and somehow I just feel like one of us is going to get hurt. I want to respect her decision, but I just dont see the logic. I love her to death, but it is hard for me, especially when we are cuddling. I need your guys' help, because I have no idea how to handle this...

[heloladies21]

Bad news. Looks like she's distancing herself on the way to the eventual break up. You can also this this by the way she doesn't always pick up her phone, lies to you, and shows you various levels of disinterest even though you're a nice guy. She's already broken up with you a few times before and all of this points towards a break up. It's all in the way you've handled the relationship from the start, and most likely you're one of those typical case "nice guys" who are so nice that they become fake in that they surpress their natural reactions to negative situations. Like if she disrespects you, you'll let it slide and buy her flowers or something. It's just not a natural reaction.

 

You have a lot of learning to do before you're able to be in a successful relationship and I'm sorry to say that too much damage has been done here to save things with your gf. I know it's probably going to be too tough for you to break things off yourself, but just so you know it's coming.

[Just A Teen]

Alright,

drive to non-sex can start from a lot of things. Sudden hit of religion, friends, even something that trigures her being scared of becoming pregnant. Granted that you guys would get married and you guys still have sex maybe she feels that it would be wrong to have a kid before marriage. Also a lot of girls sometimes stop having sex before they plan on getting married that way wedding night is more special, women value the day of their wedding more then guys.

 

Taking some of heloladies advice, even though i think it was a little harsh and negative, asuming this is what she wants. Be honest and flat out ask her if this is the reason why. Because if it is a gradual break-up then you might as well do it now then wait longer and get hurt.

 

Also sometimes women like to stop having sex to see the reaction of their boy's, just to see if they freak out or not. They can judge you on how much your willing to make a fuss out of it or not.

 

Hope things go good for ya bud.

[InsertNameHere]

I asked her about and it she started freaking out saying how she cant lose me. So I really dunno if its a break up coming from her end...

[arwen]

Well, I think it is a bit 'jumping to conclusions' to say that a break up will happen here. I think she may indeed be scared of pregnancy or feel guilty about having sex prior to marriage. I was raised a christian and when I slept with my first bf, I really felt terrible (and happy at the same time) for a long while. Is she raised christian?

 

I think you just need to discuss it with her and tell her that now that you DID have sex, it's much more difficult to not have sex than when you were both still virgins. And ask her WHY. She does seem very much in love with you. How is your relationship with her parents, and does she live at home? All may be factors in her sexual distance.

 

Ilse

[Survictor]

Maybe she wants you to marry her now.

[Meow18]

I don't think that she's choosing to do this because she's planning to break up with you. She would be distancing herself in other ways as well.

 

This is a tough one because you can't force her to do something that she's decided not to do for awhile.

 

But in my opinion, it's not fair of her. This has left you confused and you probably even feel rejected in a way. And you have no clue why she has chosen this. You need to talk to her about it and you deserve to know exactly why she is choosing to do this.

[sparkle1]

Is she still intimate with you?

 

I also don't think this is heading for the road of break up.....could be...but i'm not feeling that from his post!

 

Sex is a big deal, we all play it down on here...but its a massive thing to do with someone and can bring lots of emotions and feelings to the forefront...when yousleep with someone - suddenly you become connected. To lose that from a girlie prospective is scary as hell. Marriage = comittment.

 

Maybe she wants you to committ?? If she does - think carefully. You are quite young xx

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It's not your fault.

 

After all, things used to work. Now they don't.

 

Because SHE'S the one that's changed, we can fairly safely assume it's largely her fault. She sounds rather fickle based on this post and your previous accounts of the relationship. I'd prepare yourself for the end.

[InsertNameHere]

Yeah, I agree. She was raised mormon, which I think is the problem. She used to drink and fool around with me, and one day she just stopped. I don't want to come off as only wanting sex from her, which I don't (We did wait like 8 months before we did anything), but I have told her its difficult. She just says "if we are so in love we don't need sex. We have each other." I just don't know if I can put up with it..

[Meow18]

Has she given you any reason as to why she has suddenly chosen not to have sex until marriage?

[InsertNameHere]

She said she feels it in her heart that this is the right thing

[Meow18]

She said she feels it in her heart that this is the right thing

 

I'm sorry, but that is NOT the kind of response you deserve.

 

Maybe she did just wake up one day and feel that it wasn't right to have sex before marriage, but it's not likely that that's exactly what happened.

 

There has to be more to it. I don't think she's being completely honest and open with this desicion that she's made. And that's not fair to you.

[InsertNameHere]

Yeah, that is what has me confused. It honestly was just like that. She woke up one day and told me that. I have explained to her a million times that we love each other, and we planned to one day get married, and we waited to have sex, and we were both each others firsts. She just says she wants to have sex but can't because thats how she feels. Kinda weird if you ask me, but I don't know what I can do.. I just feel like giving up. She has changed so much from the girl I fell in love with 1 1/2 years ago...

[Meow18]

Honestly, looking at your past posts, your relationship does not seem all that healthy, or strong.

 

There has to be a point in which you need to realize that it's not what you deserve. I mean, it's not even about her choosing not to have sex with you anymore. It's about the whole relationship.

 

She has seemed to change a lot throughout the relationship. And what is she, 19? So it's not that abnormal as you are both still growing up and you will both change as people.

 

The only thing about you both growing and changing is that you might not grow together. You might grow apart. And sadly, that seems to be the case.

[InsertNameHere]

Yeah, I have begun to realise that

[Meow18]

Yeah, I have begun to realise that

 

It's never easy when you begin to realize it.

 

But it's all about sticking up for yourself. It seems like your feelings get so easily pushed aside just because she starts crying over what SHE did. You are just a caring and loving boyfriend, who hates to see her sad, but it's not fair to you.

 

She knows exactly how to get to you. She knows to start crying right when you start telling how you feel because she knows you will forget how you feel just to make her feel better.

 

Relationships like this will never work out because nothing ever gets solved.

 

And this is NOT what a good and caring boyfriend deserves!!