He Called Me

[tara3720]

I won't go into detail since I've posted so much here, but just wanted to update and let everyone who's followed my post know that my ex called last night.

 

 

 

I didn't answer, so he called again. I finally called him back, and he said he was missing me, and kept calling me 'honey.' THEN, he started in on "WHY did you write that email after we had such a good weekend together??" I told him I was still hurt over his obsession before his bday that my age was preventing me from giving him what he needs, and I was worried he was only being nice to me because I gave him a nice bday.

 

I apologized, said the email wasn't right, but to understand. He kept blaming me, and said I really don't see my behavior and what I'm doing to the relationship. DO I really not??? I've said everything honestly here, and I don't know if I'm making myself out to be better than I am, or if he really is seeing this whole thing in a distorted way.

Well, he called me back later last night, and I didn't answer. He asked if I wanted to see him, but we never made set plans. What should I do? I feel I would be dumb to go back to him, I don't know..

[kellbell]

Tera,

 

Did you that article that I pasted on your other thread the other day? What he is doing is CLASSIC behavior of a "loser." If you have not read it, PLEASE PLEASE read it.

 

Why are you apologizing? You are apologizing for things you are not responsible for. As far as what you should do, DO NOT call him. Because he has a chance to tell you what you want to hear. He is rubbish and you do not need that in your life.

 

Stay strong. Keep posting here. READ the article.

 

Take care.

[robowarrior]

Good luck with you dating a maniac. There's actually a smiley that represents what you should have done image removed

 

I can't believe that you put yourself up with a guy like that, show some dignity and leave this ungratefull piece of wax.

[Lady Bugg]

Tara I read your history with this guy. Please......don't go back to this situation. The advice you were given before was spot on. This guy is no good for you........

Please don;t answer your phone if he calls. No Contact. Change your number if you have to.

 

Be strong. You can do it.

[tara3720]

Thank you for the replies.

I read the article, and yes, I should know better after reading it. I just thought I may have ruined a But, I need to realize when people make mistakes, their significant other forgives, not gives ultimatums, ignores them for a week, then calls back and blames.

You all are right. I can't fall for it. He wasn't even nice or apologizing either. So, as hard as it is, I think I just may be "addicted" to the routine, because as I read your posts', I see how dumb I sound or would BE to go back to him. Thanks robowarrior for the visual. =) I'm sick of apologizing and trying to make him realize HIS behavior contributes just as much as mine to the destruction of our relationship. No, it's always ME.. He even had the nerve to say I was abusing him with my repeated behavior. CRAZY vicious circle and I REALLY need to get away from him.

[kellbell]

Tara,

 

The article also provides techniques on how to get out of these relationships. Does any of your friends and family know the extent of how this relationship is? If not, time to fess up. You will need them now more than ever. Let them guide you, be your intuition for now. They can see all the trees in the forest whereas you cannot, you are stuck in the middle of it.

 

If he has any of your belongings, I strongly recommend either,

 

A. Forget about them (if none of them are valuable or sentimental)

B. Have a friend come with you (preferably a big dude) and get them

C. Have a friend get them without you.

 

I would ignore him for a while, in order to gather your strength, to detox. Then when you feel strong, let him call you. When he does, tell him you want nothing to do with him, you are moving on and to spare you the sweet talk, you mind is made up. Then hang up. And then stick to NC!

 

You CAN do this. You have no other choice. Hang in there.

[tara3720]

My family actually thought I left him long ago. I felt ashamed to tell them I went back to him. They heard him cussing me out in a vmail he left, and since then they said to leave him. They don't know he has been so verbally abusive, and when he ignores me for days after I "pis him off" thats why I walk around looking so sad. Its awful, but I guess I need to tell them.

 

He called me late last night because when we got off the phone earlier that evening I told him to call me after 9pm so we wouldn't waste minutes on nothing. I was already in bed when he called. So, I was foolish BEFORE i posted here, and texd him early this morning, but he hasn't responded. If he really cared, he would be genuinly apologizing, or else accept my apology the FIRST time for the email, and have let it go DAYS AGO. NO, I think HE loves this crazy ignore me, then call me, ignore me.... He's psycho..

I don't care, I'm going to heed all of your advice, and as hard as it is, believe that many women have left men for much less, and I need to be strong.

It's the weekend, it's so tough, but I need to think of my well being. Thank you guys.

[kellbell]

Listen to your family. The usually know what is best for you. I know the weekends can be hard, but you have us and you have your friends. Call them up, make some plans.

 

You CAN do this.

[tara3720]

It will be hard, but I am doing the right thing aren't I? It was not me who caused this relationship to crumble? I guess I just need to hear that, that no matter HOW I acted, who I was, this man will treat any woman this way.

It really hurts that I gave him SO much, loyalty, faithfulness, great love, yet he focused on my problems.

Sorry guys if I sound stupid or repetitive, I just need to get past this one area and I think after this, I will be laughing at the thought that I stayed with this man so long.

[Juliana]

Oh lord, honey, this guy isn't a "significant other," (S/O), he's an S/POS.

 

Sweetie, I'm not kidding when I say I was with this guy. I've seen all their tricks. He likes sleeping with a young woman; he likes having sex with a young body. You think you're having a relationship. The relationship consists of whatever crumbs he drops to manipulate you into coming back so he can have...more sex.

 

Please. A man his age with a girl your age? You should laugh in his face the next time you see him.

 

A real relationship has vulnerability and intimacy on both sides. You will be so much happier when you get into an actual relationship with someone who is interested in you as a person, and not as a bed toy.

 

Just turn your head and spit him out, like the song says.

[kellbell]

You do not sound stupid or repetative at all. By staying in this relationship, it has robbed your self-esteem, your confidence. It is going to take some time to get it back. That is why it is imparitive to stay away from this man, because you are never going to recover emotionally or mentally by staying with him.

 

You are probably never going to comprehend his personality or behavior because you are not on the same mentality as he. So, I would cease all efforts on trying to "figure him out" or making sense of it all. Try putting that energy into getting better and getting your life back.

[tara3720]

Thank you all so much. You have helped me more than you know. The thing is I always wanted sex more than him, but you're right, it was rarely "intimate". Who knows why he used me, but I know it wasn't for a genuine love.

I am better off without him, he hasn't even called me this morning, (im glad) and that just shows how much he "misses me."

Thanks for making me realize that a normal man would not take my mistakes or actions and blow it up like my ex has.

[Juliana]

Men like this like to make you think they're doing you a favour if they have sex with you. Gah. Stay away from him. I wouldn't even talk to him on the phone, if I were you.

[tara3720]

Thanks everyone. He finally called back earlier this morning, and I asked what he was doing. To make a long story short, he was really rude with me when he said he was going on a hike later on (6pm on a friday) in 90 degree dry weather. I just said, "you're going on a hike when it's this hot?" I guess that made him mad because he thought I didn't believe him, so he said really sternly, "I need to call you back, LET ME CALL YOU BACK." Click.... He was being a jerk, as always, but I just turned my phone off. He hasn't called back.

 

It gets as confusing as heck because sometimes I'll think it's me overreacting, when in all reality, EVERYTHING upsets him. I know it can't be normal to walk on eggshells with everything I say and do. I have to trust, even though my self esteem is so poor right now, that there are men that would never dream of treating me this way, even if I mess up which we all do so many times in life.