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NC and refusing to rebound = happiness!


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Hi folks,

 

I first joined eNotAlone this August after I found out my ex (dated for 1 yr 8 mos, broken up for 4 mos at that point) had started dating a new girl. I wasn't exactly happy to hear the news, and I felt like breaking down.

 

The new girl thing really wrecked my belief in the power of NC and healing myself for a bit - not only did he dump me, he also found happiness with someone new before I did? Was NC wrong? I was miserable, but working on making myself a happier and healthier (mentally and physically) person, while he was out having fun? How was this fair?

 

Now I found out today that the ex has broken up with his new girl. (I didn't go find out for myself - a friend of mine told me; she thought I'd want to know - which, really, I don't at this point.)

 

My ex's latest breakup is another reason, the last among several, that has helped me find the answers to my questions up there. NC was right, because it brought me peace of mind. My ex wasn't truly happy, and he didn't find a lasting happiness. On the other hand, I found something real, something I could keep and hold forever, because it comes from inside ME.

 

While my ex is hurting now, I've found myself with a new life, one that I'm much happier about. I went full NC on my ex. I went and found new friends and new hobbies. My life went from unhealthily centered around the ex and "us" to centered around me, the friends I cherish, and meaningful activities and work.

 

It's impossible for us to guarantee that we'll always be there for a lover - even if we don't break up, death will separate us some day. But my goals were to find things that I cannot lose - wisdom, confidence, and personal growth. There's no way I can let me down, because I'll always be there for me, no matter what. There's nothing that can take the wisdom and growth I've gained away from me, because I earned them and they belong solely to me.

 

From my breakup-and-recovery ordeal, I've learned the following: Short-term happiness brings long-term pain, but long-term happiness requires some short-term pain.

 

Choose wisely, kids! Don't do drugs or drink, don't rebound, work on growing and improving yourself, stay busy - and be happy!

 

Best wishes!

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"NC" = no contact - no e-mail, no phone calls, no IMs, no hearsay, no rumors, no pigeon messages, no smoke signals, nothing, going between you and your ex. In my case, it even extended to blocking him on social networking sites, too.

 

And there's no such thing as a stupid question. We all have to learn, right?

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I find your thread to be very inspirational. You say at the end of you post to be wise and don't dink, don't do drugs, and don't rebouned. I know this is the best thing to do and I have challenges with this seeing most of my friends spend most of there time in a bar on the weekends. When I don't go out I often find myself at home alone and this is when I'm the weakest to my negative thoughts. Do you have any suggestions

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I agree.. NO DRUGS... it will only prolong your pain. I posted about this before... My first two break ups ... I was using drugs back then and i used them to mask the pain even tho I was the one that broke up. I have been drug free for 5.5 years now. Now in my soberity years, I have gone through 3 breakups and they were all drug free. It was very painful, and I realized that I was actually grieving and then was able to move on after grieving. When using drugs, it just prolonged my pain and it was very difficult to get over!

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Hi folks,

It's impossible for us to guarantee that we'll always be there for a lover - even if we don't break up, death will separate us some day. But my goals were to find things that I cannot lose - wisdom, confidence, and personal growth. There's no way I can let me down, because I'll always be there for me, no matter what. There's nothing that can take the wisdom and growth I've gained away from me, because I earned them and they belong solely to me.

 

Choose wisely, kids! Don't do drugs or drink, don't rebound, work on growing and improving yourself, stay busy - and be happy!

 

Best wishes!

 

Hi

 

I totally agree with you. Whether your life is a masterpiece or not, it all deppends on how you carry yourself.

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ok...one question though...

 

isn't any relationship after the break up a rebound?

 

 

i have beenin NC with my wife for a little over three months of discovering her infidelity...

 

and i have started dating..nothing serious...but there is a woman i have developed a bit of a crush on...but....i'd hate to have that potential get messed up because i'm in "rebound mode"...but what isn't a reboud?!?!?! are we not all still rebounding from some random relationship we had when we were sixteen?

 

when can you seriously feel you have a chance to find something new? something better?

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  • 2 years later...
ok...one question though...

 

isn't any relationship after the break up a rebound?

 

 

i have beenin NC with my wife for a little over three months of discovering her infidelity...

 

and i have started dating..nothing serious...but there is a woman i have developed a bit of a crush on...but....i'd hate to have that potential get messed up because i'm in "rebound mode"...but what isn't a reboud?!?!?! are we not all still rebounding from some random relationship we had when we were sixteen?

 

when can you seriously feel you have a chance to find something new? something better?

 

 

even though this is TOTALLY OLD i would have to say when you are not rebounding it means you are totally okay with being alone (because ALOT of people rebound just because they are lonely not necessarily cus they still have feelings for the previous), or they rebound to forget about the ex and use another person to make them happy for selfish reasons -- ONLY FOR THEM.

 

but sometimes rebounds can work but majority is just them masking pain temporarily for whatever reason.

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