What Does She Have That I Don't Have

[this2willpa55]

He told me he wanted nothing more to have me in his life and to have a family. I own my own home, make great money, and have been told that I am very attractive. I get along with everyone that I meet. His family and friends adore me. Did I imagine how great our relationship was? Why would he leave me for someone who is 11 years his junior and lives in another state???

 

I am at work and can do nothing but play this in my head over and over. I feel like I am going to just scream out in tears. How can he say that he loves me and then throw me away like I never even mattered? How can he make me such a part of his life and then put me out with the trash?

 

I think I am going nuts here.

[kekep]

He told me he wanted nothing more to have me in his life and to have a family. I own my own home, make great money, and have been told that I am very attractive.

 

My ex said all the same things to me about settling down, and how he would love me forever. I've realized now that the only thing that is definite in life is change, and sometimes what changes are the feelings of your significant other. I'm sure that your ex did honestly feel that way at the time he was saying all those things to you, but his feelings have faded. It's not your fault, and there's really nothing you can do to control it, other than to move on. It sounds like you're quite a catch, so you don't need to worry about being alone. You'll find someone new who is much better than this guy and can give you the love that you want.

 

I am at work and can do nothing but play this in my head over and over. I feel like I am going to just scream out in tears. How can he say that he loves me and then throw me away like I never even mattered? How can he make me such a part of his life and then put me out with the trash?

 

I think I am going nuts here.

 

You're not going nuts, you're experiencing one of the most traumatic things a human being can go through. Sometimes I think that the way you go through a breakup is the same process of grieving when someone they love dies. You go through shock, depression, anger then finally acceptance. I know it sucks and it hurts (I'm only a week and a half into my breakup). You're going to have your good and bad days, but you WILL feel better. Have faith--you just need to give yourself time. Take care of yourself

[RileyRedleg05]

Maybe because he didn't know what he was saying. Im sure you're a great gal. Im sure its unexpected for him to turn like this...but if you knew him so well wouldn't you think you would have picked up on this sort of childish behavoir? And even if you DID know him well enough, can't you think you're better off for not being in his web of games?

 

I know it sucks, but in all reality, you have the upper hand in that you possess the ability to rationally participate in a relationship. Obviously he lacks this, and i dont know bout you, but I prefer to play a game with someone at the same skill level as me.

 

Theres no answer for why he does this, or that...all of it is speculation, unless you ask. It'd help if you gave more specifics...

 

How long did you date? How serious was the relationship? How far did you guys take it? What are your ages? Any odd behavoir before then. You can only get advice if you are specific enough for us to evaluate not only his actions, but yours as well

[Dave McKean]

Aww...sweetie...yes it's all so sad. It sounded like you two had a lot of chemistry, and that's hard to find. But it sounded like the curiosity got the best of him with this younger gal. Probably not the best choice (especially for him), but it sounded like if that's how he is, it was bound to happen...and he might even do it again. So, what does she have that you don't? Sometimes it can be something as simple as the excitement of something new and unfirmiliar. He obviousely doesn't know this chick as well as you...so what does that say?

[this2willpa55]

We dated for 9 months. The relationship was very serious. The week before the breakup, we bought new appliances in preparation for my moving into his place in Feb. I am 32 and he is 37. I am only his 3rd girlfriend. He didn't move out of his house until 30, so he is a late bloomer. I've been in several relationships and know exactly what I want in a man. He was kind, gentle, caring, educated, and wanted the same things in life as me. He treated me like a queen even the 10 minutes before the breakup. I had no idea he was cheating on me. NONE

[this2willpa55]

Aww...sweetie...yes it's all so sad. It sounded like you two had a lot of chemistry, and that's hard to find. But it sounded like the curiosity got the best of him with this younger gal. Probably not the best choice (especially for him), but it sounded like if that's how he is, it was bound to happen...and he might even do it again. So, what does she have that you don't? Sometimes it can be something as simple as the excitement of something new and unfirmiliar. He obviousely doesn't know this chick as well as you...so what does that say?

 

I'm not sure what it says. Maybe that he never really loved me.

[this2willpa55]

btw, he never told me he cheated. i found out through other means. he told me he needed to be with someone with a bousterious, aggressive type personality. He needed that to feel complete. He said that everything else was perfect, but there is a little voice inside his head telling him that's what he needs in his future wife. i made him happy, but he thinks there is someone out there that can make him happier. little did i know, he already found that person.

[shikashika]

I'm sorry to hear this... being broken hearted is something i wouldn't wish on anyone (well.. maybe my ex... ha ha!)

 

 

I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better..

 

 

you said, "i'm attractive, make good money, own my own home'

 

personally, i don't think any of those relly have anything to do with chemistry... they are nice... but would you be in love with someone just because they had money and a home? i'm sure you have much much more than this... and there are other things that someone will love about you that having nothing to do with the house or the money.

 

hugs!

[this2willpa55]

I'm sorry to hear this... being broken hearted is something i wouldn't wish on anyone (well.. maybe my ex... ha ha!)

 

 

I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better..

 

 

you said, "i'm attractive, make good money, own my own home'

 

personally, i don't think any of those relly have anything to do with chemistry... they are nice... but would you be in love with someone just because they had money and a home? i'm sure you have much much more than this... and there are other things that someone will love about you that having nothing to do with the house or the money.

 

hugs!

 

oh, i know that. i am by no means perfect. believe me, i made sure everyday that he felt loved.

[friscodj]

These are the toughest and the worst, surprise cheating and walking out situations like this.

 

I think a lot of this has to do with, a) the small number of people he has dated, and b) his character (or lack thereof). He simply doesn't know what he wants and doesn't know how to handle situations like this. In short, he is no good for you. Believe that, you are better off now.

 

Look at it like this: the pain you feel now is nothing compared to what it would have been had you stayed together, gotten in deeper emotionally, even gotten married, had children together, a mortgage, car payments together, etc. Better to find out this now than later. Also believe that people get what they deserve in life...

 

Focus on the basics right now, eating, sleeping, taking care of yourself, keeping busy.

[moonflowers]

Try also to remember this - the flip side to the question, "What does she have that I don't have?" is "What do I have that she doesn't have?"

 

It's really easy, when you've been so suddenly and harshly replaced, to forget that you are a wonderful complete person on your own. Your ex probably has no idea what he wants in a woman, and when a guy doesn't know what he wants, NOBODY can meet his criteria - simply because they aren't there! One moment he feels like this is perfect, the next - everything's wrong.

 

Don't worry - your ex's behavior is not about you at all. He has some growing up to do. You sound like you know what you want in a man already, and in that sense you're more mature than he is. You are irreplaceable, wonderful, and worth loving.

 

Hang in there, take good care of yourself, give yourself the love you've missed - and you will be happy. Don't be jealous of the new girl - once a cheater, always a cheater, as they say...

[kath123]

friscodi is so right, ive just been cheated on and dumped by my partner after ten+ tears . we have a family, mortgage etc and i am left to pick up the pieces because he thinks he needs something "else" in his life.

Be thankful you found this out now, i know it hurts you just as much as me but at least you can focus all your energy into healing yourself, i am trying to spread myself around all the destruction he has left behind him.

Be strong you will get through this!

good luck babes x