girlfriend broke up with me ... what should i do please help!

[tm501]

Ok first let me give some backround about myself, im 19, in my 2nd year of college... And my girlfriend is 17, and shes a senior in highschool. We started going out around 6 or 7 months ago and things picked up relatively fast. Everything was going great till the end of summer... Then school started and she started a new job and i saw her ... 3 Or 4 times in the month of september??

 

She was being extremly distant, and when i asked her if everything was ok, she said everything was fine, and that she was just busy... Well ill fast forward a little bit and say about 2 days ago she breaks up with me... In a nut shell this is her explanation... The relationship changed, and that she liked it a lot better the way it used to be, and she doesnt want to continue to pursue the relationship because things wont change, things wont ever go back to the way they used to be...

 

She also said that she cant change the way she feels, and that its not my fault she feels that way, but its just how she feels...She admitted that she still loved / had feelings for me, ...But at the same time she is pushing me away... This makes absolutly no sense to me... My friends just tell me that its not worth it, because shes being so immature about the situation (i forgot to mention she refuses to talk to me in person, or on the phone, shes only talking to me via text messages / aim convos!!)

 

And that im better off without her... Now me and this girl... Weve gone through similar situations that not many people would understand, i wont get into the details about these things cuz its very personal, but even my closest friends never would understand completely about it cuz they never went through it...

 

She went through something similar and its so hard to find ppl like her who can look past it and understand you for who you are... It was only 6 months which isnt that long in the scheme of things, but i really felt like we had something special in that short of time... I dont know what to do, should i stop talking to her?

 

She wants space and time away from me to get over me... But i really dont understand why she wants to get over me if we both have feelings for each other... It just makes no sense. I want to know whats the best thing to do in the situation im in... I dont want to lose her.

[rose2summer]

Well, she is pulling the oldest lines in the book:

 

"It's not you, it's me"

"I am just so busy"

 

Hun, she really doesn't care about you otherwise she wouldn't have distanced herself and then left.

 

Yes, we all get busy in life, but if you really love someone, you make time for them.

 

I understand you had a strong connection and bond, but that can be recreated with someone else in your future.

 

She is pulling pseudo-NC on you too.

 

Although the pain seems unbearable, this relationship is a lost cause as she had already left from it.

 

Hugs, Rose

[unluckyguy]

I can understand how you feel, in this kind of situation I feel the following quote is particularly relevant;

 

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours for life, if not they were never yours in the first place"

 

I think you should give your girlfriend space and time so she can figure things out.

[Beec]

Leave her alone. CHasing her will chase her away, right now.

[thursday]

Yes, leave her alone. It's the best and less painful thing for you to do. If she doesn't change her mind (most likely), then at least you haven't need to endure the pain of being strung along in case you would have continued to chase her. If you do chase her, you will get Nowhere but disappointed and maybe even depressed [99% certainty of that, nobody likes to be chased after].

[tm501]

thanks for the advice... she says she loves me but she doesnt like how the relationship was going anymore and that she liked it the way it used to be, but i wont chase... and as far as down the road goes, what should i do if a few months down the road she wants to get back with me??? or to be friends with me again??? right now theres no way we can be just friends but in the future is it a possibility?

[Strictly4MyGrind]

Strange thing that because exactly the same happened to me i didnt understand nothing right now im NC, i belvie that this is the best thing to do at the momment, if she doesnt come bak to you do you really want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you? NO.

so leave her be if she realises her mistake then its up to you to grant her a chance.

if not then. the pain is really bad. unbearable at time. but i hope time heals everything.

[heloladies21]

She simply lost interest in you, this happens and i'd have to hear more on the relationship to tell you what some possible reasons were, but it doesn't affect what you need to do right now.

 

If she's told you that she doesn't want to be with you and doesn't want contact with you, then you have your answer. I'm not sure exactly what's left to say. But be careful and do not have the mistaken belief that being her friend or hanging around in the background will bring her back to you. It simply does not work. If she wants to get back together with you down the road, you two will have to have a talk and discuss what exactly changed her mind, because you don't wanna get hurt again and would need to be convinced that she's for real about you. I really think she's done for good though and you should proceed as if she is and let her go.

[tm501]

i dont know... she refuses to talk to me via phone or IRL... and this just happened randomly on a certain day... she says its not me, and that its just the relationship that changed and thats it, is she doing this to try and not hurt my feelings?? im getting no closure on this situation and its so hard to let go when u have no closure... she specifically said it has nothing to do with me and its not my fault at all... im so confused right now =(

[heloladies21]

Yeah she's just trying not to hurt your feelings. It's not even something she can explain to you though. I mean think about it, how can you explain when you just lose interest in someone when there was no specific reason that you can pinpoint? It can't be done. You can talk to her all you want, but she can't tell you what she doesn't know.

[tm501]

i guess its tough but i will let go of this relationship... but i have one more question, whats the best way to get closure of this??? she wont give me a reason like ive stated before, and like heloladies said, she might not know how to explain it... is it possible to create closure for myself?? its tuff to walk away from this if i have no closure =(

[heloladies21]

Closure is something that happens in your own mind. A better way to describe it is accepting that the relationship is over. You're just going to have to think about what happened over and over again until it sinks in that she's no longer interested in a relationship with you anymore and that is her final answer. She did give you a final answer, it's just going to take time for it to sink in that that's what it was.

[tm501]

how can i get closure out of this... ive gone through a breakup b4, that lasted a year and half... but the closure part was easy...my girlfriend cheated on me! i got over her in a couple of months id say, and a year later i started dating the one i just broke up with... this kind of situation is completely new to me, ive only had 1 real breakup, and it was easy to do because i had a very good legitimate reason... i have no reason to get over her, i NEED closure because its obvious that this relationship is already doomed because she wants it to be. Is there anyway i can give MYSELF closure and not depend on a explanation from her, or do i need to talk to her and figure out why excatly she is breaking up with me???

[tm501]

o sorry didnt see your response... i guess time will aid this then??? i mean shes not interested in me anymore, and it hurts, but love is a mutual thing i cant keep loving her if she does not love me back... but what im afraid of is the future... like being her friend is defintly something i would want in the future, like things just didnt work out, this relationship isnt ending "ugly" so to speak... obviously i cant be her friend now with all these feelings i have for her, but what is your advice about trying to become a friend with a ex girlfriend?? cuz right now i personally can not see it happening, but i know thats only because i am still madly in love with her. i thank you for all the replies your giving me heloladies, i really do.

[JDMxTeGrA101]

Your not the only one bro. Same thing happened to me and those are the same exact words she said to me. She said she would be busy with school work/tutoring her cousins etc.. 10 days later she ends up going out with a guy who used to like her 2 years ago. Really hurts man and this happened last month. NC will help me and you hopefully but me and her ended up talking last week. Stay busy!

[heloladies21]

When you get over her, most likely you won't even want to be friends with her. Love and friendship are completely different emotions and con't be substituted for each other. Lots of guys think going the friends route will eventually bring their ex back to them, but it never works out that way. It doesn't sound like you two have anything left in either capacity, but no need to decide now. As far as your "friendship" is concerned, cross that bridge if you even come to it.