Never sacrifice yourself for the sake of love,

[freedom]

"Never sacrifice yourself for the sake of love,"

say alot doesn't it?

[Daddy Bear]

it's a phrase that every person should keep in mind at all times. astonishingly, it's also one that gets zero Google hits.

[arwen]

I think it's close to 'never invest more than you can afford to loose'. It has a lot of meanings to it. I totally sacrificed myself in my first relationship. Everything evolved around HIS wishes, HIS schedules. Yeah, had him on quite a pedestal. What happens is that you loose the connection with yourself. I started seeing me from HIS eyes, not mine. I didn't like what I saw and got very depressed. Now that we are no longer together, I must say I learned the above the hard way, but 'permanently'. I will never go down that road again. My current man is the opposite, and I am so happy with him that I can't believe how peaceful and fullfilling a relationship can be

 

Thanks for the reminder, freedom! Any personal story you want to share on this topic yourself?

 

Ilse

[Daddy Bear]

It has a lot of meanings to it.

 

very true. it could be interpreted as "grab the last life jacket and let your lover die", which i would naturally disagree with, but i read it in context as "don't lose your soul and make someone else your reason for living."

[brando]

If one sacrafices themselves for love, then it really isn't love at all.

[TheRedQueen]

great quote. but i tend not to heed its message because I suck.

[arwen]

You don't suck TRQ. Add to this quote that 'loving yourself' is a prerequisite for any healthy relationship. I think that loving, knowing and respecting yourself are the ingredients you need to avoid sacrificing too much in a relationship.

[renaissancewoman101]

Why is sacrificing for love NOT a good thing? It means that you care deeply for the person if you are willing to give something up for them. It doesnt mean you give up your soul to the person, but means you do stuff for them out of the kindness of your heart and because you care about them.

 

In a way, love is a sort of "self-sacrifice" since you are giving up of something to have a relationship with them.

[arwen]

What is meant is sacrificing YOURSELF (i.e. who you are). For me, love has nothing to do with self-sacrifice, why do you feel you are giving up 'something' to have a relationship? What is that something? Maybe I don't see a lot of things as sacrifices. For instance, my bf and I have to travel 200 km each weekend to be together. That takes time, money and energy. However, I want to be with him so bad, that I don't mind at all and would never see that as a sacrifice. He has to go abroad for his career for a very long time. Do I sacrifice by letting him? No, I want him to go because I know it's a good thing for him. We will find a way to do it.

 

What I did sacrifice in the past didn't feel as a sacrifice neither. It felt as natural as it did now, that is why it happens so often, it's tricky. In retrospect I sacrificed all that I was. I changed because I thought that he would love me if I would. I lost all, including him. I got myself back, and found real love.

 

Maybe we have different definitions of sacrifice. Of course I make CONCESSIONS for love and I do things I normally wouldn't. There is a difference between having to give up a free day to care for your sick bf (also I wouldn't see that as a sacrifice) or changing your plans in life, and not do what you really want to do. The difference is that the first, you do out of LOVE. The second, you usually do out of FEAR. Those two don't combine really well in a relationship. If you are making sacrifices because you want to be loved or feel you wouldn't be loved if you didn't do those things, I think the relationship is quite unhealthy.

 

Ilse

[RayKay]

I think there is a difference between sacrificing yourself, and between putting effort and commitment into love. I think this is where people tend to get mixed up on what this statement means.

 

In my experience, when it is true love and the other loves you for whom you are, you are never asked to sacrifice the essentialness of whom you are, or your goals and dreams. Together, you may work together to find mutual compromise and create your own goals together, but if someone loves you completely, they would support you rather than demand sacrifices.

 

The difference is between partnership together to develop a relationship and your love between one another, and one person losing all they are to be what they think the other wants...

 

And, if you willingly "sacrifice" whom you are....you will truly lose out in the end...and most likely lose them as well. Love should enhance your life, not cause you to replace whom you are or what you are about entirely, or cause you to stop growing as an individual.

[freedom]

i got burnt last year because i believed that if i sacrifice myself for the person i loved, they will realise that it is true love. (I still have a tendency to do it) Obviously it didn’t work out. I gave up myself and who i am and the person rejected me but she still wanted to be with me, so i changed further and further till i totally lost myself. During this time, i worked for someone that was a blood sucker and between the 2 of them that sucked everything that was me. Or should i say, i LET them suck my very essense of who i was.

I was lost, i was depressed and worst of all i was suicidal.

A year and a bit later after great support from my family and this site i am out of the rut. I am back stronger then ever BUT i still fall into the same trap, occasional require a reminder of who i am.

 

The essense of who i am is NOT who i think you want me to be, but who i am within myself.

[sidehop]

The word sacrifice doesn't have to be taken as a negative thing as it can be used to gain yourself an advantage. I believe in a relationship certain sacrifice must be taken or the person wanting to for the good in a long run.