eternally doomed Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 I am insulting my intelligence with what i've done in the last week or so. My brain had been infested with suicidal thoughts for as long as i can remember and this is probably the last thing i should be doing. My female housemate in a house of two males and one female gave me nothing but confusion in the last week or so. On one day (my second or third day in the house) she was very nice to me and asked me to move into another place with her. She also said that she liked me a lot. She also disclosed her worst secrets to me. However, on another day she made stereotypical remarks that can be construed as pigheaded and racist. I do like her until that very moment (but not on a sexual or romantice level). If a random stranger made that kind of remark to me, i wouldnt have let them get away with it. However, i find it very difficult to severe ties with her although it is definently the best option. In a way, i loath her as much as i like her in a way which is very stupid of me. I also took her bipolar disorder into acount which mean that her pigheaded remark is just an symptom of her illness(which i found difficult to believe in anyway). One of the biggest mistakes that i have made is that i have made a emotional connection with her that i can do without when she disclosed her personal issues to me. I really do not know what to do. I want to severe ties with her completely but i just cant Link to comment
Sn0man Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 So if you don't like her opinions why would you consider moving out with her. What exactly is the problem? If you don't have any particular relationship with this person how can you really be emotionally involved? In three days? Get a grip. Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 If you felt that her remarks were not in good taste, perhaps you should have made her aware of this... Regardless of whether she has bipolar or not, she obviously offended you... If you are having second thoughts about moving in with her, then don't do it.... Link to comment
eternally doomed Posted October 8, 2006 Author Share Posted October 8, 2006 If you felt that her remarks were not in good taste, perhaps you should have made her aware of this... Regardless of whether she has bipolar or not, she obviously offended you... If you are having second thoughts about moving in with her, then don't do it.... I have made her aware of it. She insisted that the remark has nothing to do with me and will not affect the way she treats me. The issue now is not whether i should move in with her, it's whether i should severe ties with her completely before things get more complicated. Part of me still cant understand why i am capable of forming an emotional connection with her in just three days Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 There is something that drew you to her in the first place. What do you admire about her? What are her good qualities? Do they outweigh the bad? Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 Hi there, So you've moved into a house, and one of your new housemates has got close to you, but is also a bit of a bigot and has bi-polar disorder? (Just checking I've read it properly!) Okay, well, let's take it in order: i). Asking you to move to somewhere else with her - take it witha pinch of salt, laugh and say you've just moved in and you're going nowhere for a long time after all that packing etc ii). Emotional connection - as Snowman says, you've only known her 3 days. Ease off on the intensity, and tell her that it takes you time to get to know her. iii). Inappropriate comments (racist etc) - you have to learn how to deal with this in life. I'm very old now (34, lol!) and I challenge people straight out if they say something bigoted; maybe even a 'I don't appreciate you talking like that. Please don't speak like that around me, I find it offensive'. If that's too hard, you can just keep a stony face and keep saying 'I think we should change the subject'. If you're feeling a bit more confrontational, tackle her about it. The only thing not to do is to go along with it - being false to your own beliefs will gnaw away at you. I think it will be okay, just remember not to get too tied up with this girl. This is agreat time in your life, and you don't need this intensity with someone you've just met, who is a friend. Good luck! Link to comment
Fallout Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 Ok...why are you making such a big issue about this ? It's really hard to find 2 people's opinion that completely match...Might be an important issue to you but still...there are really loads of opinions that annoy the hell out of me but I don't just "cut off" others for having them..just make an understanding with her to avoid the subject and that's all Link to comment
eternally doomed Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 I did not make a consious decision to get tied up emotionally. I can understand why it happened or else i wouldnt have asked for advice. Link to comment
eternally doomed Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 There is something that drew you to her in the first place. What do you admire about her? What are her good qualities? Do they outweigh the bad? I really dont know. Objectively a bigoted or racist remark will definently outweigh all good qualities however impressive they might be although She can be nice in certain ways. However, i really cant understand why i cannot detach myself from those confusing feelings Link to comment
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